Barbara Seville or Sarah Bellum.
They don’t meet your criteria, or even come anywhere close. They just amuse me.
Carry on.
Bertha Venation.
No, no, no–Sweet Jane St. Clair! (You have to be a Barenaked Ladies fan to get it…)
Is there a Granny Weatherwax on the boards? We need a Granny Weatherwax.
From my viewpoint (that of a long-married old gal with a big imagination), you haven’t been talking about your sexuality quite enough. 
Well I always (mis)pronounce your name as Harmy-dryad-soul so I think you should go with that.
Or maybe Queen of the Pizza Pirates.
I get it! I think my brain just shut down when I got as far as “Sweet Jane”: I spent the rest of the night humming that Cowboy Junkies song to myself. 
Oh, my. You’ve let yourself in for terrible stories, I hope you realize. :o
I’m holding off on the name change for now. Rest assured that I will choose something from this great list.
And I think I’m going to be Anne Bonney for Halloween.
Bring 'em on. I don’t offend nearly as easily as most old ladies do.
I usually think it says Hamirad-sol. So how about Hammerhead Soul?
Echoing others, Aerin would be along those same lines. Or you could take your name from one of her adaptations of fairy tales- one of Beauty’s sisters, perhaps? They were always my favorites.
Toast Museum.