The Lord of the Rings
Actual plot: High fantasy epic about a dark lord of evil and his ring of power, and a quest to destroy it by a fellowship of races lead by a wizard.
New plot: Slapstick comedy set in the 1980’s around an effeminate gay jeweler trying to give his partner a promise ring, only it gets swallowed by a dog and they have to journey across the country to get it back from a dark lord of evil
Inherit the Wind
Actual: A courtroom/philosophical drama inspired by the Scopes trial.
New: Howard Hughes’s housekeeper learns that she has an inheritance: twelve years of his passed gas that he saved in Mason jars.
All in the Family
Actual: A blue collar family struggles with generation gap and making ends meet.
New: An ancient history reality show about which member of an incredibly inbred Egyptian dynasty will inherit when Uncle Grandpa Dad sails into the Afterlife.
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Actual: Purported liberals struggle when their daughter becomes engaged to a black guy.
New: A cooking competition show, where amateurs have to decide what to make for a meal where the Mystery Guest will be either a ultra-orthodox rabbi, a strict vegan, or a lactose-intolerant celebrity.
Regards,
Shodan
Designing Women:
Before: a group of interior decorators and their pet male work and play together.
After: An unscrupulous geneticist with the ability to mature somebody from zygote to young adulthood in a matter of months takes orders for custom made wives and concubines for the very rich.
John Carter: A tough-talking, no-nonsense, tough-love new principal arrives to turn around a flagging inner-city high school. Based exceedingly loosely on a true story!
Mission Impossible: A team of superspies deals with how unachievable their latest mission is.
X-Men: A group of transgendered women deals with society’s prejudice.
Thor: A six year old with two missing front teeth has a very painful spine injury.
Guardians of the Galaxy: Three men working at Samsung headquarters lose the prototype for the Galaxy S5. They need to get it back before the boss returns on Monday.
Thor
Beautilful woman with lisp encounters Norse God. In the morning he says “Hello I’m Thor”. She replies “Tho am I but throughly thatithfied”
"Wings of Desire"
Documentary about the deep fried origins of the spicy bar food, originating in Buffalo, NY.
One of these days I’m going to write a fanfic where Twilight Sparkle falls in love with a talking bat and a talking wolf. 
The Lord of the Rings.: The rise of a jewelry store chain mogul.
No, you both got it wrong. A family of farmers becomes enraged at their failing crop, and stops the remainder into mush. A few days later, they discover … WINE!
In a similar vein, The Picture of Dorian Gray, follows a number of people for years who come to a place every day to study an oil painting, and captures their ageing process through time lapse photography.
Escape from New York:
Before: In the future, New York City has been turned into an enormous prison camp.
After: A love story about a young Hunter College sorority girl and a cabbie who are trapped in the Holland Tunnel on 9/11.
The Firm
A documentary about muscle-worship (or impotence).
Top Gun: Gunnery Sergeant John Rutledge, USMC is the insertive partner in an intimate relationship.
Pulp Fiction: In the doldrums of 2009, six recent college graduates learn about life and love in a combination juice bar/used-book store.
The Name of the Rose: Zaniness ensues when a prominent florist hits his head and suffers temporary amnesia – a week before his own daughter’s wedding!
The Sopranos
Actual plot: the mob and shit
New plot: a bad Glee ripoff
**
Dexter**
Actual plot: what if CSI Miami was a serial killer?
New plot: what if Dexter from Dexter’s Laboratory grew up to be a serial killer?
Knight Rider
Actual plot: David Hasslehoff. Talking car. 80’s crimefighting
New plot: A medieval knight travels through time and joins a biker gang and convinces them to fight crime instead of committing it
Cougar Town
Actual plot: Courtney Cox and friends drink wine. A lot.
New plot: A drama about a small town afflicted with a huge number of mountain lion attacks
Guardians of the Galaxy
Actual plot: Dunno, I haven’t seen it yet, cosmic Marvel stuff, I guess
New plot: basically the Avengers of the 30th century (in space!)
The Fast and the Furious
Actual plot: Cars.
New plot: The first ever Marvel/DC teamup movie, pairing Wally West with Bruce Banner
Star Trek 2: the Wrath of Khan
Actual plot: Follow up on an old Star Trek episode, pitting Kirk against an old nemesis
New plot: Kirk vs Hank Hill’s neighbor
. . . done as a hard-hitting musical (reminiscent of West Side Story), starring The California Raisins.
(Actually, fachverwirrt’s new plot substantially is the plot of Orwell’s Animal Farm.)
Been done, already. And under that title, too.
But I suspicion you knew this.
The Desolation of Smaug:
Bilbo cheers up Smaug
“Thanks for the help, mate” said Smaug “Anything I can ever do for you let me know.”
Bilbo looked around at the mountains of gold and smiles.
“Well I wound’t mind a bit of gold, if it’s alright.”
“Of course, mate. Here ya go!” Smaug replied.
Smaug hands Bilbo the smallest gold coin he’d ever seen.
At that moment Bilbo vowed never to help a dragon again.
I did not. I knew there was a Romero movie with that title, but I’ve never seen it, nor knew anything about its plot. Thanks for letting me know.
African Queen
Actual plot: A grizzled old drunk teams up with a spinster missionary to take a boat down an African river destroying the boat and a German ship, and through it all fall in love.
New plot: A Nigerian cross-dresser fights to gain acceptance as a Cher impersonator.
