Republican Ketchup

Are you tired of using that pansy, liberal ketchup? Do you want a more conservative ketchup that screams “bring it on!” to any wrong-doers? Well, do I have a product for you. No longer will you have to use ketchup that supports abortion and homo-sexual marriage. This is a man’s ketchup - the kind that makes you proud to be an American. Because if you use that other brand, you’re probably a gay liberal who hates America.

Ahhh, let 'em eat Hunt’s.

A true liberal uses mustard.

<obligatory Freedom Fries joke>

Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?

I’m a true libertarian…I use steak sauce.

I’m Canadian… I use maple syrup. :slight_smile:


I dunk my fries in the blood of the oppressed before I use it to grease the machinery of capitalism.

I find this tragic, on many, many levels.

First of all, I was an usher at John Heinz’s funeral. He was a good and decent man, and a great American. And, he was a good Republican to boot.

Now, all of his money is being used to put a Democrat into office.

Ant to top it all off, some wag has come up with so-called “Republican” ketchup. The Heinz company has nothing to do with John Kerry’s campaign.

I may be a Republican, but I’m a native 'yinzer first. And in Pittsburgh, there may as well be only one brand of ketchup. Hell, I have family still working at the pickle plant.

Screw political ketchup. I’ll dip my “Dirty O” or Potato Patch fries in Heinz ketchup, like God intended.

All of his money? I thought Kerry couldn’t use his wife’s money to run for office.

Do you think he could have afforded the house he mortgaged, to finance his run at the beginning, on a Senate salary?

It may have been partially in his name, but she’s the one who actually bought the place, with old Heinz money.

Don’t forget to pick up some Star Spangled Ice Cream too - the Ice Cream with a Conservative Flavor.

So because they have a house together all of his money is going to help elect a candidate?

mmmmmmmm… vanilla & sanctimony.

That site is sick. I mean look at the following quote from this page:

Ketchup on USA Prime Beef? Sheesh, what a communist!

His money?

If i’m not greatly mistaken, he’s dead.

Teresa inherited the money, which means that it is now hers, does it not.

After all, i was under the impression that conservatives, in their opposition to measures like the inheritance (or “death”) tax, firmly believe that money handed down from parents to children belongs to the inheritor alone, and that it’s no-one else’s business what gets done with it.

Putting ketchup on hot dogs ought to be a high crime as well, while we’re at it. :stuck_out_tongue:

I thought you guys used Mayo. At least that’s the idea I got from Candian Bacon.

“Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter 11 months of the year. Anne Murray - all day, every day.”

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg!!! Direct hit in the pomposity aorta!

Dude. Don’t squat in the condiments.