Responding to spammers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m not about to e-mail you. As far as you’re concerned, I would be very pleased if you didn’t know I exist. I’ll respond here, and hope you see it. Now please go away.

Because your dog depends on you?
I don’t have a dog.

don’t let menopause kill your drive
I seriously doubt that I’ll ever suffer from menopause.

tell us the car you want, and we take care of the rest
I already have the car I want.

**own your own home **
I already own a home.

**HHi, good news **
I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. What ‘good news’ can you possibly have for me?

**Ñàä â ñïàëüíå! Tue, 19 Jul 2005 12:23:37 +0000 **
I don’t recognise strings of letters that all contain diacritical marks as words, no matter what time it is.

listmix, mymapcenter, boardermail, telesp.net.br, zipmail.com.br, clickfarm, et al: There’s a reason your domains are blocked!

**Oreo’s Nationwide Survey **
I don’t care about Oreos, and I don’t want any free Oreos. If I want Oreos, I’ll go to the store and buy them.

Make your girlfriend happy tonight
to meet your lover wishes 8)
Make your lover happy today
to meet your femalefriend wishes 8)
I don’t have a girlfriend. Thank you very much for reminding me. You bastards.

Chat online with other singles like you.
Look. I’ve given up on relationships. If I were to look for a relationship, I don’t think I’d look in a local pub, much less a chat room.

ASSISTANCE
GoodDay…
FROM MORGAN BRIGGS
STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL!!!
I give you my personal information, and you’ll share millions of dollars with me? Do you really think I’m that stupid? AND STOP SHOUTING AT ME!! DON’T YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT NETIQUETTE? Piss off, you cunts.

Sex Picnic Bowljob Skanky Beauty Fucks
Straight to the nastiest harcdroe out treeh!
Crazay pussay insertions
Dleeetd fuck sccenes form you fav clebes
I don’t look at porn. I see no reason why I should have to look at other people having fun, when I don’t have fun myself. And I don’t read e-mails from people who don’t know how to spell. Deciphering your hieroglyphics takes too much effort. See: ‘Stupid people annoy me.’ below.

Do IT with woman now.
I’d like to. I’d really like to. But in the context of a relationship, not just fucking.

Stupid Farmers in dirty action
Stupid Farrmes Fucked so hard by nature wildres
Stupid people annoy me. And what’s a ‘wildres’? See ‘I don’t read e-mails from people who don’t know how to spell.’ above.

**Your Earthlink 985303 account termination! **
I’ve been getting these emails for a while, and I’m still connected. ‘Termination’? That word you guys keep using; I don’t think it means what you think it means.

(none)
(no subject)
Re:
If you can’t be arsed to type a title for your e-mail, I can’t be arsed to read it. And ‘Re:’? Obviously you’re not replying to me, since I do use message titles.

Is it funny?
What’s funny is that you think you can get me to open spam by asking if it’s funny.

Final notice
If it’s the final notice, then how come I’ve gotten like 50 of these? Leave me the fuck alone.

if you are sick of your job, be a cop, it’s fun
‘Be a cop! Carry a gun and assert your authoritay!’ What’s with all of the ‘Be A Cop’ mails recently, anyway?

And lose be flan
Ar? :confused:

Oprah using Green Tea!
What the hell do I care what Oprah drinks? I have plenty of tea. Coffee, too. I’m sure Oprah wouldn’t give a rodent’s rectum to know what I drink.

Oh, and incidentally – you know who you are – Ya ne gavaryu pa-Russki!

2

That’s hilarious! I have to admit, I have a lot of these same thoughts as I read e-mail titles and hit delete.

3

Apparently, I’m getting your viagra mail, and you’re getting my menopause mail.

I laughed. Hard.

4

You lost me there.

5

I keep getting e-mails from a “Christian dating service.” Let me list the ways in which I am so not the target demographic for these guys:
[ul][li]I’m not a Christian.[/li][li]I’m already dating someone.[/li][li]The someone I’m dating is another dude.[/ul][/li]I cannot tell you how sorely tempted I am to sign up with them, except that I’m fairly certain that if I actually opened any of those emails, I’d just find more porn spam.

6

I still remember the one I got years ago which started out, “As a successful African-American woman, you…”

I am neither African-American nor a woman. It is disputable whether I am successful.

Way to hit your target demographic there, idiots.

7

I love spam. I just found out yesterday that some “benefactor whose identity can not be disclosed because of the Non Circumvention and Non Disclosure greement that was signed with the said benefactor when the funds were being deposited” has left me $7.5 million dollars. They “confirm that these funds are fully free of any liens, or encumbrances and are clean, clear and non-criminal origin and are available in the form of CASH.”

I went from living hand to mouth to being a multi-millionare with the click of a mouse.

My spam infested life is good.

8

I never get funny spam, just Viagra crap. Why do I never get ones that say “Stupid Farmers” or “be a cop”?

9

I’m sure that there are any number of people here who would be more than happy to send you their spam mail if your looking for some. I’m sure that they have plenty to spare and wouldn’t mind getting rid of the excess.

Either that, or you are just not signing up at the right sites :smiley:

Go out there into that wonderland that is called the Internet! Explore!! it’s amazing what you can find!
Just last week I found …

(phone rings)

“Hello?”

“Yes, yes.”

(Nods head)

“Statute of limitations hasn’t expired yet?”

(Sighs)

“OK.”

(Hangs up phone)

… upon legal advice I cannot tell you exactly what sites to visit if you desire this vertiable cornucopia of strange and unusual spam. You’ll simply need to find out for yourself.

:smiley:

10

i find the Spamusement website somewhat amusing

especially the “Never Been Easier” and “How to live without fear in America” sketches

11

I don’t think anyone’s mentioned these yet but how about those “official” notifications from E-Bay and PayPal?
All you have to do to keep your account active or to show you are the real owner is go to the link they provide and tell them your account numbers, passwords, and all other secret kinds of infomation those @#^^## identity thieves are after. ARRRGGGHHHHH !!!
I’ve been sending those to spoof@ (either e-bay or paypal) for several MONTHS now. When are they going to track down these bozos?

One that really gets my dander up (wow that’s an oldie expression) is getting an E-Mail from the “administrator” of www.1728.com telling me that my E-Mail account will be terminated. Why does that bother me? Because it is MY website !!! I get really steamed when someone is pretending to be ME in their attempt to ban ME !!!

Finally, where do they get those whacky names for the “people” that are supposedly sending the E-Mails? It seems they have a computer select 2 words at random.
From: Coy Tugboat
Want to see barely legal teens just 1 day past their 18th birthdays who are ready for hot “girl on girl” action?

No I think I’ll pass. I’m tired of looking at 40 year old “barely legal teens”
:smiley:

12

**Get a FREE Sony Vaio Laptop! **
Gee, thanks. But I already have a brand-new G4 PowerBook. Between the free Vaio and the PwerBook, guess which one is set up with Final Cut Pro?

we find cars
It’s not that difficult. Most people don’t bother to hide them.

**Your Earthlink 734413 account termination! **
Damn, it’s being not-terminated again!

**Which swim my injury conducive **
Ar? :confused:

13

The opus I could write inspired by what I’ve seen would kill every last hamster in the known universe. So I shall abstain.

Please, think of the hamsters.

14

I’ve just been round and round with PayPal on this. I used it twice in the past year for transactions totaling less than $30. Each went through no problem.

About two months or so ago, I get an e-mail notice that there may be suspicious activity on my account. Go to the link provided, enter my bank account number, ATM card number, bank routing number, and password. I e-mailed Pay Pal to see if it was on the level. They e-mailed me back and I needed to enter my account number, routing number, ATM card, and password to see what the issue was. I told them never mind, just cancel the accout altogether.

Guess what I have to enter for them to “be able” to cancel my account? :rolleyes:

15

Just got these:

Find the best replacement window company near you
Why? Am I going to get a brick through my living room window tongiht?
**Programs sold at retail are too expensive. anhydrite **
No thanks, Plenty hydrated already been drinking plenty of water because of the heat

**July Special - 250 business cards on the house **
Yeah, that’ll really help with my being unemployed. Business cards for a non exsistant business

**Hi again **
Goodbye again! (Delete)

16

I want to play, too. :slight_smile:

Have you ever used an online pharmacy?
Never even been tempted.

makin calls
No, not at the moment, thanks.

experience more powerful orgasms
The English major in me would like to point out that this is an ambiguous sentence - will there be more of them, or will they be more powerful?

Look online seex cams with hot gilrs account
Um, what’s “seex”? What’s a “gilr”?

It doesn’t hurt to check Penny
Why? Has Penny been stealing again?

and, my personal favorite from my boss’ email today:
kf iur reoer lrlre pgnbv vbl lbndlfb
You know, it’s not good for the keyboard to let your cat walk on it.

17

Greaat offr

Do they really think I am going to trust someone who can’t even fucking spell?! :rolleyes:

Something New and Different

How can it be “different” if it’s new? If it’s new, it has no precedent to establish “different.”

Fluid Analysis

I’m not sure if I want to even know what this one is about.

Hey. We Owe You Some Money

So do a lot of other people. Doesn’t mean I’ll ever see it.

Attention SouthTrust Cardholder

I’m not a SouthTrust Cardholder.

Who says you can rid of inches

Probably the same assholes pitching penis enlargement products who claim I can add inches.

Online discount cigarette store

I don’t smoke.

18

**one more time **
Aiyiyi. Okay, which is it? ‘Final Notice’, or ‘one more time’? :rolleyes:

Say, about those horrid misspellings: Has anyone else gotten anything about werhos? Whazzat? A misspelling of were-hos? A woman who sells herself when the moon is full?

19

Great thread Johnny LA. I now find myself waiting for spam so I can contribute. Thanks, I think. :confused:

20

Great thread Johnny LA. I now find myself waiting for spam so I can contribute. Thanks, I think. :confused: