**On Jul 28, 2005, at 3:05 PM, Mark Akoko wrote:
Beloved in christ,
**
Sorry, you’ve got the wrong guy, i believe in the Almighty OG, Smasher of the Clueless
**Greetings in the wonderful name of our Lord Jesus! May the Lord?s favour and peace be multiplied to you, see Numbers 6:24-26; 2 Peter 1:2.
**
you’re offending me with your constant hawking of that nice carpenter fellow, i much prefer the Gospel of Og, specifically passage 4:242-47; 6 Cthulu 6:6
"Yea and almighty Cthulu bespoke unto the mighty Og;
“thou must takest up the Hammer Of Clue and Smite the brainless minions about the head until they worship thee and me, accursed are the heathens that send electronic mail glurge to the followers of Og, the fleas of the sand shall infest the heathens private parts from now unto eternity”
"And Og Spake, saying ‘I can’t quite hear you, can you please speak into the microphone, Jerry, cut some treble out on the high end, test, test, is this thing on?’ "
**
It is a priviledge to share this great testimony with you, to God be thy glory. I am Brother Mark Akoko, Happilly married to my wife with two children. During a prayer and fasting session in our church I asked God Almighty to direct me to an honest person that will use this Fund righteously to reach the needy, the less priviledge and lost souls.
**
I tried this as well, unfortunately, i kept being routed into his voicemail, i think that He may be screening his calls…
**
For the word of God says, “what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loss his soul”. The bible also says, “the blessing of God comes supernaturally and it is through Divine favour”.
**
Your god says this, don’t tell me what MY god says…
(incidentally he says "EE Ecky Thump, Ptang Ptang, zoopawal Ni Ni, just between you and me, i’m still trying to figure out it’s meaning, i think Omnipotence is going to His Head)
**
The amount involved, is $6.5m US dollar (six million, five hundren US dollars) This said fund was aquired when I was in the world. Then, after given my life to God, I packaged and sealed the fund in a trunk box and deposited the trunk box that contained the fund with a Security Company, ready for delivery. Beloved, I will like you to immediately send me your particulars, full names, full address, private telephone and fax numbers to enable me procure the necessary documents covering the fund,making you the sole beneficiary of the fund.
**
ahh, now we come to the purpose of this e-mail, a “Cash Advance” scam, also known as a “Nigerian 419” scam mail, nice try scammer, your pitiful attempt at getting my personal info for the purposes of identity theft and/or draining my bank account is destined to fail, incidentally, this was a really piss-poor attempt at a Nigerian 419 scam, i’ve crapped better ideas while sitting in my “reading room”
on a scale of 1-10, i give your attempt at scamming me;
Grammar; 7; not bad, not many misspellings and only a couple incidents of awkward sentence structure
Heartstring-pulling; -20; you really failed here, BIGTIME, as an Atheist, every time you invoked the name of the Magical Invisible Sky Pixie, it made me angrier and angrier, don’t try to force your cultish mind-control drek on me, scammer
Creativity; 0; generic, bland begging for cash, what did you do, go look up other more well written scammails and cut-and-paste their sentences together? come to think of it, that would explain the decent grammar and sentence structure, absolutely pathetic
**
As soon as i receive your particulars, I will start up all the necessary process on how the funds will get to you. Be informed that as soon as this fund is in your possession, I shall join you in your country to see how the fund will be use
**
nice try scammer, you won’t get my particulars, why should i give any personal info to a scumbag who hides his identity behind spoofed I.P. addresses and e-mail addresses and refuses to show his face, let me ask you this, why don’t YOU give me your personal info, after all, if you an honest, God-Fearing man, you’ll have nothing to hide, right?
oh, and what will the fund be used for? (assuming it even exists?), well, there are some really nice cars i’ve had my eye on, Dodge Vipers, Dodge Tomahawk, Porsche 911’s, etc, i’ve also wanted to have a nice performance motorcycle like a Yamaha V-Max, a nice custom-built Titanium road racing bicycle would be nice, i’d buy some expensive firearms to add to my collection (always wanted a Wildey .475, a Desert Eagle .45 ACP, a nice sporting clays over/under shotgun), basically, i’d use the money to buy meaningless material goods, and burn the rest in a bonfire, whilst dancing around the fire in my altogether…
**
for the things that will glorify God. Awaiting your prompt response. Remain blessed.
**
“Remain Blessed”?, but i didn’t sneeze, and please, in the name of Almighty Og, STOP hawking the name of the Invisible Sky Pixie
**
Yours in Christ,
**
<sigh> Again with the Mystical Sky Pixie, you just don’t give it a rest do you…
**
Mark Akoko.
**
Gesundheit!
oh, and by the way, i’ve forwarded this e-mail to the Federal Trade Commision, and your ISP, assuming your e-mail address of “bennymark@msn.com” is legitimate (which it probably isn’t) you’ll at the very least lose your e-mail account, you may also be investigated by the Federal Trade Commision, as they don’t take kindly to 419 Scammers
