After getting sick of emails making the rounds with questionable factiods, I decided to provide a commentary:
>1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Make sure they’re stored in the proper size Tupperware container.
>2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Dynamite Recipe:
1 cup nitroglycerine
1/4 cup ammonia nitrate
4 T sodium nitrate
2 T crushed peanuts
1 cup sawdust
1 plastic cylinder
Combine the first four ingredients. Mix thoroughly. Line the plastic cylinder with sawdust, add nitro mixture. Serve with a side of matches.
>3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
None of which any of your friends can give you when you want something from the vending machines.
>4. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
The right hand is usually too busy drinking coffee.
>5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
Which limits its sneezing abilities. See #28.
>6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
And that’s not counting the birds.
>7. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
Which gives us another reason to remove New Jersey from the Union.
>8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
Except when a screech is actually performed.
>9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
I guess they were expecting a lot more from NAFTA than we had figured.
>10. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.
Which is equal to the number of swear words in the movie.
>11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
Which makes it hard to write a poem/song about the date a miner found the motherload in Florida while eating grapes.
>12. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
I dunno. I think the word “President” ends in “mt” as well.
>13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
This was true even before 1959. Pretty impressive, eh?
>14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Makes sense; both have similar seeds.
>15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
Makes it sound like his mom was dancing at the time…
>16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
Which is about all the inhabitants can pronounce.
>17. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Question: What four words can be used to describe Florida’s election process?
>18. Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”
The Spanish must have had a tremendous amount of foresight to name the city, roughly translated “The Place Where If You Breath The Air, You Will Become An Angel Immediately.”
>19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
None of which are used when you call them.
>20. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
Guess creation had to make up for the squid.
>21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
Have you ever seen a naked tiger?
>22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
So the watch advertised is only right twice a day; once if on military time.
>23. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
Sure! Caskets were his top seller.
>24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Which still doesn’t explain Bert’s constant rhinoplasty ability and Ernie’s fondness for his rubber duckie.
>25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
Which makes singles bars very crowded.
>26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
Wonder how much time and money was spent figuring that out.
>27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
Which a vending machine counts each time to make sure it’s a real dime.
>28. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Unless you’re a fish.
>29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
Which gives contact production lines a particularly challenging task.
>30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
You would think the US would have the same rule. Maybe it should apply to Congress as well.
>31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Or maybe the new secretary had just walked by.
>32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
He’s the one who married King Friday XIII and Queen Sara Saturday.
>33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Which is enough time to count exactly 420 sheep.
>34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
None of which you can find when you slice it through the windshield of a car on the nearby highway.
>35. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
Anything I say here can get me in trouble…