Restricting your kid's screen time, how do you do it?

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, I believe kids shouldn’t have totally unrestricted access to TV, games and Internet, and tdc and I have been endeavoring to come up with a good solution for monitoring/moderating our teen’s “screen time.” But we’re both pretty exhausted by this effort, and I’m hoping some other parents out there have better ideas/solutions.

Background: My brother, 15, lives with us. He has a laptop, TV, and PS3 in his room. We have asked him to log his time on all these devices and permit no more than 2 hours on weekdays during the school year and 3 hours on weekends/holidays. At various times, he’s just stopped logging altogether, fudged his log, or, most recently, honestly recorded that he spent nearly 6 hours in one day playing his PS3.

Right now, instead of a pen and paper log, he’s using a shared Google Spreadsheet so I can monitor his time throughout the day, and he can see his hours adding up. I’m hoping this system will work (we just started this week), but am also soliciting ideas for alternatives or what has worked for other parents.

Our limitations: We’re hoping to avoid moving the game system or his laptop into a common area. He plays the PS3 with a headset, which is annoying enough from his room, but would be uberfrustrating in the shared living room. We don’t really have space to set up a desk for his laptop in the living room either.

I’ve also avoided just taking the whole kit and kaboodle away because it’s his main form of interaction with his friends from FL (where we moved from last year).

2

Our kids are younger, and we mostly track it in our head. They’re limited to about an hour of TV a day (a bit more on weekends) and about half that amount of computer time, which is mainly playing games.

We’ve always insisted that everything - computers, games (we have Wii) and the TV - be done in the ‘public’ spaces. Even when they’re older I very much doubt they will be allowed to have a TV or computer in their rooms.

3

Good plan: All big electronics (tv, desk computer(does anyone still have those?) dvd/blu-ray players, gaming systems, etc.) are in common rooms. All small electronics go to bed with the parents (cellphones, handheld games, i-pads, laptops) and are handed out again *after *breakfast.

Plan for when the good plan doesn’t help that much with the overall screen time: All electronics (even the big stuff) are in the PARENTS’ room, which is locked when the parents go to bed.

Neato tricks that kids can use to bypass these: Borrowing devices from friends, spending more time on sleepovers with less-aware parental units, buying devices on their own and not telling parents about them, trying to sneak in parental windows to get at their laptop or cellphone (that last one didn’t go so well, actually).

On seeing that you don’t want to move the stuff out, I have to say, your chances of actually mitigating time by wanting the kid to monitor and restrict himself aren’t very high. Hell, I’m an adult, and I can’t keep my gaming time to as little as they say you’re supposed to have. At 15? Especially if I was male, and all my friends were online/on-system also? No way in hell. Best case, the kid will track it honestly, and you’ll have to deal with multi-hour gaming sessions way later at night than you want. Worst case, the kid starts lying to you and realizes how easy it is to fool you into thinking he’s being good.

Neither of those two options are really very good, but I have to say if you really don’t want to move the stuff, just lose the idea of restricting his access. It just isn’t going to happen.

4

Mine knows she can get up and watch Netflix On Saturday and Sunday mornings (allowing me to sleep in a bit, same strategy my mama used with me). Otherwise she has to ask to use the computer/iphone/ipad.

When she asks I weigh in my head whether she’s watched too much lately, or whether I need her quiet and out of the way for a little while so I can get something done, and answer based on that.

I’d like it to average out to an hour a day, but realistically it’s more like two, but we have whole days during each week that I declare “no screen days”.

5

I’d make it a weekly, not a daily, limit. If it’s only 2 hours a day, there’s a certain pressure to play every day and use every bit, so as not to lose every time. But the nature of screen time is that two hours is often not very satisfying: if you are just checking email/social networking, you don’t need that much time, but once you’ve settled in with a movie or a game, you want more. So a limit like 20 hours a week (though I’d be tempted to go higher, especially if he’s keeping in touch with friends this way) and let him figure out how to divide it up (honoring some sort of reasonable bedtime on school nights).

Really, I tend to think playing Halo for 10 hours straight on Saturday night and then just using the computer for social stuff the rest of the week is probably no more unhealthy and more likely to seem reasonable to him. Furthermore, it means that if his friends want to get together one day after school and play frisbee, he won’t feel like he can’t because he doesn’t want to “waste” his two hours.

It also might be worth it for you and your spouse to privately track your own screen time. If that turns out to be a lot more than you are allowing him, you might rethink things. I know kids are not adults, and it’s ok to have different rules, but if he’s seeing you two in front of screens all the time, it’s going to be very hard for him to take your reasons for limiting him seriously, and it will almost certainly look like your real motivations are just to take away all the joy in his life (and teens really will think this. They are dead serious).

6

We use poker chips. Each is worth thirty minutes and he gets ten each week. He can use them all in one day, or a few at a time. At the end of the week I will buy unused chips back for fifty cents each.

He gets “freebies” as well. When we finished reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory we watched the movie. We look up stuff on the internet all the time (“Mama, how do they make crayons?”) and sometimes we play a video game together, or watching Star Wars with Dad after building some Star Wars Lego…no chips needed.

I think it works pretty well. The Boy is five, FWIW.

edit to add: I see now (blame the hour and my own reading comprehension) that you are talking about a teen. Different strategies would probably work better. My bad

7

If it were me I would tell him that he can’t turn on anything electronic until chores/homework are done and dinner has been eaten and then he should have a set time to start getting ready for bed when those things turn off. Teach him that electronic entertainment is last on the list of important stuff to do but an absolutely acceptable way to spend your free time.

8

My kids are not teens yet, but it seems extremely difficult to monitor and limit screen time when the teen has a TV, laptop AND PS3 in his own room. Unless he is extremely disciplined, it will be nigh-impossible for him to adhere to a time limit.

However, it will be hard to move those out of his room at this point, so best of luck to you in making the best of a bad situation.

One option might be killing the wireless router until a certain time in the evening, say, 8 pm, so he can get all his homework done and have dinner. Alternately, you can leave it on until dinner time, at which point you turn it off and he has to get his homework done. I think he would find that the PS3 and laptop are not that fun without internet access.

9

Yeah, we were not allowed any devices in our own rooms. Nintendo was big at the time, we didn’t have one (my mom is so meeeaaaan). We only had one TV in the house up until I was in high school, and no cable. We had a computer and computer games but they were adjacent to my parent’s bedroom so easily monitored. Even under those conditions, by high school age, my parents had given up trying to monitor our screen use generally.

If you can’t/won’t take away his devices, restricting screen time is pretty pointless unless he agrees that it is necessary. Have you talked it over with him? Does he agree that limiting screen time is something he wants to do? Did he agree to consequences if limits aren’t met? Did he agree to strategies for being sucessful at limiting screen time (such as other ways to maintain friendships)?

10

I have zero experience with disciplining teens, but I wonder if 15 isn’t time to move towards making sure there’s enough time spent on everything else that needs to be done, rather than explicitly limiting screen time. (As long as chores, homework, exercise and perhaps some kind of socializing are done, go nuts on the screen time. But if they’re not done, screens get taken away).
I mean, in four years or so, he’s going to be scheduling himself completely; he should probably have some practice prioritizing before then, and maybe screwing up now, where you’re there to check up, is better than flunking out of college.

11

I agree that while encouraging your son to take up healthier and more social activities is important, at this stage you need to figure out how to build self-discipline and encourage him to regulate his own use.

I have no idea how to do this, though. My mom did this by never setting clear limits, but making it very clear when I crossed the line. I was responsible for figuring out what was reasonable and sticking to it. On one hand, it was frusterating because I didn’t have bounderies to push. I had to use my common sense all the time. But I do think it was effective.

12

Our kids are 6 and 7 so YMMV. We don’t limit screen time because it is not a problem. We will let them watch TV if there is time and they play their Gameboy/DS whenever they feel like it.

ETA: our daughter probably racks up 6 hours a week screentime and our son about 1 hour so I guess it’s not really a problem (yet).

The big thing here is that they do it in their spare time. So, after homework after they have put away their laundry and done their other (admittedly small) chores. We also have an enforced bedtime (though they are allowed to play their handheld games or read if they wake up before we do).

When they are 15? (Tries to envision.) It is highly unlikely they will have a TV in their rooms but they will likely have laptops. The rules would be basically the same (and there would be an enforced ‘lights out’ time).

My big question here is why you want to limit his screen time? Is his schoolwork suffering? Is he not making and/or keeping friends? Is there something else he is supposed to be doing?

13

Get him to spend more time outdoors, sports, camping/hiking trips with clubs and family, caving, white water rafting, scuba. etc.

Or buy a excercize bike hooked up to a generator and make him peddle for the power for his game systems :wink:

Good luck

14

I know there used to be a technological solution to TV use. There was some kind of box on the TV that required logins to use it. You could set up a number of accounts and set a number of hours of use per day/week/month/whatever.

It seemed like a pretty good idea. I liked that siblings could share their hours as only one login was required to turn on the TV. That way, siblings could negotiate and share hours.

I don’t know if this product still exists and I don’t know of anything similar for laptops/phones/etc.

15

Thanks so much to everyone who has chimed in, even those with younger kids. I was away for the weekend and am just now getting back to all of your various experiences and advice.

Some additional background: Games are not eating into homework or chores; he’s actually pretty disciplined about both of those things, partly because he was trained at an early age to do homework very first thing when he got home and, at the most, after having a snack. In addition, he knows to get off the game about 30 mins before dinner time and before bed time so gaming doesn’t interfere with those daily rituals.

I acknowledge that moving the stuff is the easiest and maybe best solution, except that it would be such a negative impact to the rest of the household’s happiness. If you or someone you’ve lived with has used a headset while gaming, I’m sure you can understand.

Manda JO, I want to say your post has given me the most to think about. The idea of a weekly limit vs a daily one is an interesting one, especially given that he gets busy with wrestling and track at different points in the school year. And I think you make a good point about our screen time. I work from home via computer so he sees me in front of a laptop all day; I know his rationale brain might be able to make otu that I’m working, but a larger portion of his brain probably just says “NOT FAIR!” Finally, your point about “taking all the joy out of his life” is spot on with his response to this, especially since he bought the system and the games. I’m definitely making an effort to have a better talk with him about our motivations/reasonings and need to think more about if and how to implement your other ideas. Muchos gracias.

Killing the router for his systems after a set time of day and also custom electric timers (the kind that give a 10- and 1-minute beep before shutting down whatever is plugged into them) have also been discussed, but I kind of feel that by the time I trust this job to the machines, I’ve already lost. Which, perhaps I have.

tdc and I both admit this isn’t something our parents did (I had a computer in my room by this age, for ex), but we also had a wider scope of interests and so while, yes, we might have played 5 hours of games one day, the next three days we were hanging out with friends or building theater sets or something else. I think my main concern is that, esp this summer without school and sports to occupy him, he really would spend every waking hour not taken up by chores and meals playing PS3. I think this is a bad balance and doesn’t help him make friends in his new location.

16

they actually make (or used to make) video games that work exactly this way, in both adult and child versions (my mom has the kids version for the grandkids) you can turn the game on but to play you have to pedal, and all the standard controls are part of the handle bars. The adult version also had the standard controls you would find in a stationary bike (resistance, odometer, heart rate monitor etc)

17

This was my first thought as well, though it sounds like he currently has chores. How many? Is it possible he needs more? (God, I remind myself of my mom: “If you’re bored, I’ve got plenty for you to do!”)

I understand how annoying it is to have someone with a headset playing in the living room (my husband does it all the time and it drives me crazy, mostly because it’s the only TV in the house), but it really sounds like you might have to move things. I know it’s disruptive to the house, but hopefully it’ll be disruptive enough to him that he’ll stop doing it so frequently and for so long.

My son is light years younger than yours, but we have a no-TV, limited computer policy during the week. It takes too much time out of an already packed evening. I hope we’ll keep it that way even after he’s older (except the computer - he’ll probably need it for homework), but I’m guessing we’ll have to allow for some TV time as he becomes more responsible.

18

If you’re concerned about what he’s doing on electronic stuff, just make him play games and use the internet in the family room instead of his bedroom. Problem solved.

This is your first mistake. Put them in a public area if you want to monitor his time, especially since he’s admitted going over the limit. He can’t be trusted to log it like you want him to. He’s not fudging, he’s LYING. Admittedly it’s a freaking stupid rule, so I can’t fault him for breaking it.

For what it’s worth, I think your restrictions are ri-fucking-diculous. What the hell else is he supposed to do on weekends? Read a book? Books are online, along with movies and tv shows and e-books to listen to. Send letters to his friends? Email is better. His friends are probably all allowed to play ps3 for 16 hours a day if they want to, so he can’t really stay friends with them anymore.

Put the electronics in a shared room, and stop limiting the time he spends on them. He’s FIFTEEN, not 3. It’s not like you’re going to stop the electronic age from happening to this kid. It’s not like there’s even a reason to limit his time on them. When I was that age, we had one PS2 for two guys and one female (my stepdad, his brother, and me) and it was hooked up to the only tv in the house. So we HAD to negotiate times to play. But that’s not a problem for you. This kid has all his own everything. Why won’t you let him do what he wants to on weekends?

It’s like you made up this arbitrary rule for the sake of having a rule, or because you don’t understand how important electronic devices have become. This makes you look like either a controlling tyrant, or at best **seriously **out of touch. You can’t even apply for a job without a computer, these days.

I think a much better rule is: “No electronics until homework is done. If the homework requires electronics, do it on the laptop in a public space, where we can glance over your shoulder and make sure you’re not fucking around on the internet. After homework is done, have fun however the hell you want, and don’t break any laws.” This is how the real world functions. I go to work, come home, and play games on my computer all night. And nobody cares, as long as I get my work done. Stress the work getting done first, and don’t arbitrarily limit his time on those devices. Because the second he gets out of the house (going to college, I imagine?), he’s going to overindulge in them to the point of ridiculousness because you kept him in a state of false deprivation from those things.

I really hope this rule wasn’t a freakout in response to him looking at porn or something.

19

You can actually edit settings on the wireless router to restrict certain devices to specific hours of the day. I haven’t done this with ours, because the kids don’t have any internet-capable devices of their own, and they share a desktop computer.

We have THAT controlled by setting them each up with a separate user account with restricted hours (summer / weekends, they alternate odd / even; school year they each get an hour a day). That wouldn’t work for your setup.

Friends of ours have used the router approach. Until a certain time of the evening, the network is wide-open. After that time, only the parents’ devices are permitted on. I think you have to do it by entering the devices’ MAC addresses.

20

Actually, I’d say that you don’t really have a problem, and maybe you should back off of this issue a bit. Tell him that you want him to get some physical exercise in each day, not just when he’s training.

He’s growing up, he needs to learn how to budget his time, and since he’s able to get important things done while still enjoying his games, then I’d say that it might not be as big of an issue as you think it is. At this point in a kid’s life, you really have to pick your battles, and this one might not be worth the effort.