False.
The next poster drinks at least one bottled water per day.
True.
TND uses a computer which is at least three years old.
True. One of them is anyway.
TND won’t eat in bed.
Food that is.
Heh.
True.
TND reads no webcomics.
True, other than looking up Doonesbury and that Star Trek fan comic online once in a blue moon.
The next Doper has an iPod or MP3 player with more than 500 songs on it.
Negative.
TNG drinks their coffee black.
False, drinking a decidedly non-black coffee right now.
TND has no idea who the hell shot J.R.
Not an inkling.
TND has accidentally stapled to a part of his/her body.
Yeah, I stapled through the web of my thumb and forefinger with a hardware store staple gun while putting band flyers on telephone poles. One of the most painful things I’ve ever had to endure.
TND knows how to mix cocktails (more elaborate than a rum-and-Coke).
False, unless you count watching other people do it.
TND has more than one allergy.
True. Dander (I have a cat, so I wash my hands a lot), dust and pollen.
The next Doper has, at one time or another, both defenestrated and matriculated.
True! However I’ve never immolated or translocated.
TND wears lace underwear on a daily basis.
Man, I wish. 
TND doesn’t wear underwear at all, as a general rule.
False. Only on special occasions.
TND hates yogurt.
False. Went to brunch at a friend’s house yesterday and was actually disappointed that there wasn’t yogurt.
The next Doper knows who Elendil was.
Yup, known since I was 9.
TND owns a car newer than 2000.
True. First car I’ve owned that was less than five years old.
TND has an unusual number of fingers and or toes.
counts Nope, the usual ten and ten.
TND has had some internal organ (e.g. tonsils, appendix, gall bladder) removed.
True. Who needs those pesky organs?
TND doesn’t chew gum.
False; I chew like mad.
TND smokes cigarettes on at least 50% of days.