I told you all of the evil sirens of my McDonalds mornings, a beast I have gloriously vanquished aside from the very random stops now. I have told you of sexual demons, of school issues, and today I bring you - my bladder.
I made a realization two days ago that I’ve been feeling increasingly crappy over the past week and it was then that I realized what nefarious being I had to excise from my life. And this time it was the ever presence of soda. While I don’t drink it as much as other people, I do drink a fair bit of it - and only it. I’d have soda with breakfast, soda at lunch, soda at my desk, sode with dinner, and soda while watching tv.
Soda, Coke, Pop, Fizzy drinks, Dr. Pepper, Dr. K, Mr. Pibb - they’ve all come to be four letter words in my dictionary. Only to be used when appropriate.
I’ve refilled my glass of water probably seven times already today and made a few trips to the bathroom. I’m feeling more energetic and awake, and overall just glad to be refilling the tanks on water, and revitalizing the good ole bladder. I’m sure he’s tired of the intravenous diuretic and is glad for a break.
gets up and goes to the bathroom, fills up the cup again on the way back
Ah, happy to report obvious improvement on quality of urine coloring. That’s not TMI is it?
Anyways, when I used to work for a certain themepark as a certain green ogre, I would sweat so much while out of set that I found myself drinking over 5 liters of water a day. And for me to realize I’ve gone days without this delicious tasteless elixir of life is astounding.
I feel as if I’m revitalizing my bladder, not to mention kidneys, liver, stomach, and so much more in my life. I won’t say I’m a changed man, I’m sure the caffeine headaches have yet to set in - but man, I need to cut back on soda more often!
I wanted to close this out with a song that was a spin off of “Real Men of Genius” but I couldn’t come up with a good title, I went from “Real Pees of Genius” to “Peeing Men of Genius” to “Real Fans of Peeing” and so on until they became so horrible I was ashamed for brainstorming them.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think this may have been my most mundane and pointless post ever. Thank you and good night.