So sorry for your loss @elbows. I’m glad that you have friends nearby to help.
So very sorry.
My sister’s husband passed a year ago after a LONG illness. For a while she felt guilty about how relieved she felt, and realizing that she had grieved losing him several years ago. Just offering that in case you feel anything like that, it isn’t unusual. Or wrong.
May all in your family find some peace now @elbows, and that one day the happy memories will come back into focus past all the grief.
I’m sorry to hear your bad news, @elbows , and I hope that you can recover soon with the love and support of those around you.
My deepest sympathies @elbows.
It sounds like your friends are reaching out to help. That’s invaluable support during this time.
Yes. I wish to underline that having some feelings of relief after someone passes away after an illness is a very common feeling. You’re not relieved they’re gone, you’re relieved the suffering and burdens are gone.
Me three.
The longer and more arduous the decline and passing, the more the spouse / caregiver has slowly inexorably said their good-byes and made their peace with the situation earlier. The timing may have been a surprise, but the outcome was anything but.
Don’t feel bad about feelings of relief or of a burden honorably set aside. Those are real. And doubtless your husband would wish you to recover soon and well. These kinds of feelings are part of that recovery.
Folks who haven’t lived it may say some impolitic things. That’s their ignorance talking, not malice. Don’t let them puncture your developing equanimity.
Thank you all so much for your condolences, they mean a great deal to me. I want you to know I appreciate you all. I am all at odds, it’s true. It’s the same little house we’ve been in 25yrs, but it’s somehow altogether a different place as well. We were snug as bugs, a perfect fit. Now it seems vast and empty. I’m starting to talk to myself and the cat. Otherwise I go hours without speaking at all. A most unusual thing for me. I know with time this will get easier. I’m just bone weary in a way I’ve never felt before, with the dark and cold of winter arriving, (our first snow), and Xmas a few weeks off. It all feels just an impossible climb somehow.
Thank you again.
Do be gentle with yourself. Maybe find a few easy, pleasant activities that are new, or that you’ve wanted to do but haven’t been able to because you were caretaking?
elbows, I am so damned sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean when you say how it feels like you’re never going to get through this awful time.
My husband passed in mid-October, though it’s a lot of years ago now. I remember the sense of loneliness and futility, to say nothing of the specific keen loss of this man who was so perfect for me. And just facing down the cold and dark. I wept my heart out with relief when the winter solstice arrived at last, and I knew the days would begin to get longer. It was the most dreadful year of my life.
The next year, I hosted a small gathering of closest friends on the winter solstice. Lighting was confined to fire, candlelight and one string of white fairy lights draped on a small wicker screen against the wall. We shared food, drinks and stories of my beloved husband. I found it cathartic, and it gave me something to look forward to. I encourage you to start some sort of tradition to honor the person you loved and who shared your life, even though it feels too soon. It helps to do something that “involves” them somehow. I found it helpful, anyway. Maybe you will, too.
Speaking of help, those wonderful friends of yours: They really do want to give you aid and comfort in any way they can! Let them, if you’re able. I forfeited a lot of stupid pride to let friends help, and we were all a lot better for it.
As others have said, grieve in your own way and in your own time. It’s different for everyone. I had a hard time tipping into the yaw of my sorrow and benefited from a “push” given by a grief counselor. Plumbing those depths can be scary and excruciating. I just couldn’t face it on my own. I hope you will be open to professional help if you need it.
You already know time will ease your way – even if it doesn’t feel like it now. You’re wise and strong and smart. Give yourself room to just feel what you feel and work your way through this tremendous loss. You’ll get there, as you know. If it helps to reach out, I hope you’ll PM me.
Biggest hugs and sympathy.
@puzzlegal, how are things going for your husband and his treatments? I really hope things are unfolding in an encouraging way.
Very sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and family.
@elbows
Grief has changed your world suddenly and I wish you peace as you deal with your loss.
You have my sympathies as well. I am so sorry
I am sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss. Impossible climbs are finished by taking one step and then another. It will not be easy, but you will get through this. Please let me know if I can be of help.
My deepest condolences, @elbows 
I’m sorry for your troubles. (SAD)
I’m sorry for your loss. I know there are a lot of things happening right now so don’t be surprised that not much is making sense. The season is probably going to be difficult. My mother passed away three days before Christmas and for me Christmas has not been the same since (20+ years ago). For a long time I felt bitter being around people celebrating, since I didn’t feel the least like celebrating. Then I began a custom of having a brunch for some friends on New Years Day. Seems to have helped and I do it every year. All this to say, be kind to yourself and expect things to be hard. Glad you have friends to lean on.
Very sorry for your loss.
Grieve well. Take your time. It’s the last joint venture with your spouse. You owe them that, at least.
If you gotta vent, we listen good. 
Very sorry to hear this. I remember the feeling of disorientation well from when my son died. That terrible. . .absence. The funeral arrangement was surreal, for sure, but we waded through it. It’s good that you have friends/family to help you cope.