Roommates - Pros/Cons

In My Humble Opinion
1

After close to 28 years of life I find myself in a situation that may require me moving in with a roommate for the first time ever. I am kind of put off by the whole thing but do not have a choice. I haven’t always lived by myself. I was married for nine years and I was in the Army for three but I figure the dynamics of this situation is going to be different.

What can I expect? Pros and cons? What should I prepare myself for? Horror stories and those that ended up good are welcomed.

Also if anyone is looking for a roommate in the Tampa Bay/Clearwater/St. Pete area drop me a line.

2

Make sure rules involving division of living expenses, cleaning, guests, etc. are clear (best if in writing) before you move in with someone. Good roomates are a blessing. What I have to say about bad ones would get this thread moved to the Pit.

3

I should hope so.

On a serious note, just make sure you go over explicity with a roomate what the house rules and responsibilities are for each of you. Done properly, that should eliminate 80% of potential problems.

4

Do you have a chance to room with someone you already know (a friend, etc), or will you be randomly placed with a stranger? Here are some good ideas, from someone who has had several roommates, both known and unknown:

Figure out early on what your apartment needs that you don’t already have, and divide up who buys what so you both spend around the same amount. If you wear suits to work and he has an informal job with T-shirts, you’d probably buy the iron and ironing board, and if he cooks all the time but you only eat out, it wouldn’t be right for you to chip in for a toaster, microwave, etc. If you both have TVs, someone will probably be expected to “take one for the team” and put his TV in the living room, as opposed to his own room. Maybe the guy who gets to keep his TV in his room can spring for the vacuum cleaner as a fair trade. I recommend against chipping in on large expenses (like splitting a big screen TV), because when someone moves out eventually, it always leads to problems (unless you’re both really good friends).

This requires communication, of course. Roommates don’t have to be best friends, but life is so much better when you can be friendLY. It will make all the difference. Be cool, talk, especially talk about any problems or issues before they spiral out of control and make your living situation miserable. Nothing is as bad as coming home after a long, hard day and not even feeling comfortable in your own living space, or walking on eggshells due to unspoken conflict.

Otherwise, just be respectful. If your roomie goes to sleep early, don’t blast music or TV late at night. If he’s reading on the couch, don’t initiate a conversation or start watching TV right on top of him. If you cook, do your best to clean up after yourself, and I hear leaving dishes in the sink is really not cool. :slight_smile: DO NO EAT EACH OTHER’S FOOD without permission. If someone is having sex, keep it behind closed doors, out of common areas, and as quiet as possible. Always ask to borrow anything, and just keep a close eye on valuables, money, etc. if you don’t know the person very well yet. If you’re in a situation like that, I recommend you each pay something like $12 and get new doorknobs for your bedrooms with locks and keys, to put your minds at ease.

5

It’s far more important to have a roommate who is a compatible housemate than to have one who is a great friend. Obviously both would be best, but if you have to choose, go with the former. I’ve seen several friendships end once the people started living together and ended up constantly arguing over dishes or noise or clutter or overnight guests or whatever.

Make sure any roommate you choose has similar views on cleaning (how much and how often they’ll actually do it), overnight guests, noise, leaving things in common areas, cooking/sharing food. There’s no right way to do any of these things, just make sure you both want to do them the same way. Don’t feel bad about turning someone away who is very nice but has different views than you. It’s not petty, it’s very important to your future daily happiness.

6

To me this really depends on the person (you, I mean).

I’m 28 now, and I’ve never NOT had a roomate, until recently that is. I finally, finally, got my own place and I love it, and don’t think I could ever go back to having a roomate. Everything is mine. The TV, the couch. Not thinking about who’s going to be there sitting in my living room watching tv (roomates g/f, etc) is a pleasure. The rent was nice, but it’s not worth paying if you’re uncomfortable.

7

I feel it’s best to have a roommate that will share in all responsibilities, like cleaning and cooking. I lived with someone that ate such a narrow range of food that eating with her made me sick. Never live with someone with an eating disorder. Not fun. My college roommate and I get along wonderfully. There is little distiction between what is mine and what is hers. THe only difficulty is now we have to sort out my stuff from her stuff.

8

Try to develop good communication with your roommate, if possible. Many problems come from one or both roommates being pissed about something the other did and keeping it to themselves until they blow up.

Also, as others said, try to explain your responsibilities to each other.

I roomed with my brother for 2 years and liked it alot. No real problems in that situation.

9

Pros: It’s generally cheaper, there’s an air of companionship
Cons: A bit less personal space, but that all depends on whether you’re a friendly type or a loner type. Things can, of course get nasty if you or they have a tendency to not be generally civil or act like a rational human.

Talk (yes even about problems regarding them), respect boundaries, work out a payment arrangement and be punctual about it. It’s a delicate balance, and it’s not going to be perfect, but if you make it a point to communicate and talk it out if you bug them or they bug you, everything should be fine.

10

I never had a particularly successful roommate…i.e., a person I liked very much by the time it was over…but that may be b/c I didn’t know then what I know now, and what I will tell you.

I wouldn’t, in all honesty, move in with friends. Just because you like them doesn’t mean you’ll like living with them, and then you’ll be out a roommate and a friend. It’s a lot easier to solve issues with people you’re not really tight with than it is to tell your good buddy that you’re ready to kill him b/c he keeps using all the toilet paper and never buying any to replace it, and borrowing your razor, and drinking all the soda in the fridge, and leaving cereal bowls in the sink without any water in them so that they get all gunky…etc., etc…

Figure out who buys what, down to the toothpaste. Trust me, it’s gonna get old if somehow you’re the only one buying toilet paper, milk, mustard, glass cleaner, dish sponges, trash bags, detergent, etc., etc. I’ve had plenty of roommates who just somehow never “get around” to buying their share of this stuff, or at least giving me money for it when I do.

I’d recommend getting a whiteboard and writing down any communal items on it, like the ones I just mentioned, and get into a habit ASAP of either giving your roomie the money for your share, or hitting him up for his, or making a rule where you buy/he buys/you buy/he buys. You’re inevitably going to share some stuff, so it’s best if you’re straight-up from the beginning that all of this stuff is communal and equally sponsored.

Also figure out who cleans the common areas and how often, and what your idea of “clean” is vs. theirs. Some people are fine with clutter, some aren’t. Some people think cleaning the bathroom means emptying the trash and wiping down the counters; some people believe it isn’t clean til every surface has been Soft-Scrubbed.

The more you decide and agree on up front, the happier you’ll be. Trust me. It only sounds anal if you’ve never come home to find that your roommate used the last of the laundry detergent and then didn’t even take their load of the dryer.

For the third time this month.

Roommates can be fun but it’s surprisingly hard to live with somebody you’re not related to or in love with; it’s not nearly as easy to overlook all the little stuff. Prepare yourself for a moderate amount of inconvenience and irritation even if you do your best to avoid it; a successful roommate situation is one where everybody’s willing to compromise.

11

Things I liked about room mates that I had in the past
[ol]
[li]finacial benifits…when they pay their fair share.[/li][li]Cool stuff they own and I get to use[/li][li]lots of attractive women who wouldnt have talked to me otherwise when I had a bunch of strippers for roomates.[/li][/ol]
Things that were not so cool about previous roomates…
[ol]
[li]room mates girlfriend stole my records[/li][li]room mate blowing brains out in my kitchen[/li][li]resulting criminal investigation of the above leading to crime scene guys tearing apart my stargate machine[/li][li]former roomate leaving his collection of homemade goth porn for the cops to find during aforementioned investigation[/li][li]stripper roomate stealing my food and feeding it to her cat[/li][li]room mate putting jar of used condoms on her window sill…which overlooked the walkway to the pool[/li][li]resulting angry letters from landlord and parents about the above jar[/li][li]unusually large number of strippers informing me that I’m “just like a brother”…[/li][li]roommate and roomates girlfriend becoming loudly intimate with girl I had a crush on.[/li][li]roomate having broken TV so that I couldnt drown out the above sounds[/li][li]roomate abandoning 12 year old daughter with me while he went to live with girlfriend[/li][/ol]