I’ve been doing the distance thing with my boyfriend for a couple of years now. Me in Ohio, him in Dallas. There never was a good time for one of us to move. Now, it is a good time for me to move so I’m moving next month.
However, I’ve never lived with someone as boyfriends. Should I be nervous? What am not anticpating that is likely to come up? Sure, I’ve lived with roommates before, but never done the whole sharing a room thing.
I’m thinking the biggest adjustment will be the day-to-day life experiences. When we’ve been together for a few days or so, it has always been full of going out to eat, going to clubs etc. That isn’t going to be happening 365 days a year when we’re living together. Also, there will be some additional stress of me living in a new city and finding a new job.
I’m not incredibly naive, 35 years old and I’ve known him for 7 years. So, I think I know the guy about as well as I can. I’ve also saved up enough money that finances won’t be an issue initially.
Congratulations, it’s really not as bad as you think it will be. Once you get past the first few months of, “we should be out doing things all the time,” I think you’ll quite appreciate the time spent together, but moreso the time spent apart.
The hardest part of living with someone is the fact that the usual roommate issues are magnified by the relationship. If your roommate doesn’t clean the toilet, it’s not a big deal – you either put up with it or find another roommate. If your SO doesn’t clean the toilet, it’s because he doesn’t respect you enough to do his share of the work, and why should you have to clean up after him??
To avoid this problem, make sure you both have similar expectations about cooking and cleaning before you move in. Do either of you really like/need to live in a clean house? Do you both have the similar views of the maximum amount of time that should pass between cleaning the bathroom? Set realistic goals that take into account how you both behave when living alone – you don’t want anyone to feel that the other person moving in has given them a bunch of new chores or has forced them to live in squalor.
Also, are you moving into his place, or are you getting a new place together? If it’s the former, make sure there will be enough room for your stuff so that it’ll feel like home to you, and not just an extended visit to his place.
Good luck! Living together is pretty great, especially after you’ve been apart for so long.
Just be sure to be open about how he leaves clothes on the floor (and that annoys you) or his kitchen etiquette isn’t the same as yours. If something clashes, talk about it and try to find a middle ground since it will be the apt that the both of you share, and it won’t be just you moving in on his turf. If he has some weird habit you weren’t aware of since you weren’t with him everyday, but you’re aware of once you move in, think that he has always done this but you just didn’t know about it. Don’t try to change him, he’s always done that weird thing, be open to compromise (see a trend?). The first few months are gonna be weird since you’ll be in a new state, living with a roomie and all, but you’ll get through it.
I’ve been there. My boyfriend and I were apart for about three and a half years then he moved in with me AND transferred to my university. Things are going well between us since we’ve always talked things out and made lots of compromises. That and we also have almost the same rhythm when it comes to everything - it’s almost scary. We’re very similar so we had it easy.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost two months and no major arguments yet! Woohoo!
I think I’m the one who will be the slob. He’s had roommates since college. I’ve been living by myself for the past two years. I’m trying right now, a month in advance, to try to break my annoying habits. I’m trying to learn to sleep with the tv off, not to leave dishes out, and to be neater. Unfortunately, I have boxes all around my current apartment busy with packing.
I’m moving into his place. Coming to Ohio was a mistake and I’ve worked hard to NOT accumulate too many things during my years here. So, I won’t have too much stuff when I move into his place. Most of my stuff, besides books and clothes, has been donated by other people. There is room for books and clothes. I’ve got the nicer computer so mine will replace his which has been awaiting a retirement.
This may sound a bit silly, but get a 2 bedroom apartment, sometimes you just have to go off and be alone, whether it is read, putz around on needlepoint, flake out listening to music. Not a computer room, but just a comfy room [set it up like a library/craft room, comfy chair, radio/stereo, spare tv, maybe a fold out couch and you have a spare bedroom=)]
You see, you cant use the bedroom for a flake out room, the other person will feel free to wander in to change clothes [you OR him], and you cant flake out alone in a shared living room, and besides, it is nice having a spare room to do crafts in so you dont have to worry about visitors and moving all 78 pieces of that elizabethan formal gown you are currently sewing =) With 2 peoples chachkage, you should have enough stuff to set up the spare room=) and with 2 incomes you should be able to afford a 2 bedroom apartment.
MrAru and I have sworn that our next place will have 2 bathrooms becauase he will go in to take a crap and settle in for the winter, leaving everybody else doing the peepee dance outside the door…though living on a farm I have been known to wander off into the woods with a roll of toilet paper and an entrenching tool=)
When I moved from New York to Texas to be with Gunslinger, I had my own apartment for the first year. Now we’ve moved to a different town (near Dallas, actually), and we live together. I wouldn’t have liked to live with him right away, because I wanted time to get used to him, if you know what I mean. We’d known each other for three years already, and spent plenty of time together in person, but never that much at a stretch - so I wanted to be sure I’d have my own space, too.
Things that came up that I hadn’t expected to:
What the hell are we going to have for dinner? He doesn’t eat a lot of the things I like to eat or know how to cook. Luckily, he is great at cooking things he DOES like, and so sometimes I can just do my own thing while he does his - but it makes eating out a pain, too.
Who’s in charge of what chores? I refuse to vacuum. I hate the noise it makes. I cringe and cover my ears. I also hate doing the dishes and putting the laundry away. Therefore, he does the vacuuming, we split doing the dishes, and after I wash the clothes they get put in a heap at the foot of the bed.
Privacy. I like to sing in the shower. He likes to get in the shower with me. I can’t sing in front of him, and I don’t like saying “I want to take a shower alone, thank you.” I also didn’t used to like getting dressed in front of people, but I got over that and now normally hang out in my underwear after I get home from work, unless I’m going somewhere. Also, I don’t like to be distracted when I’m reading, so I prefer to go off by myself and lose myself in the world of the book; if I’m in the living room, he talks to me (and I do the same when he’s trying to concentrate on something). Will you have your own space in his place, for privacy?
