:: looks around for Baglady ::
:: doesn’t see her ::
:: chuckles lecherously ::
Didn’t you say something about wanting a helicopter ride? 
Um…no. The DeathLlama did. I am mortified of heights , and flying ain’t one of my real joys either. And didn’t you say you’d just crashed one?
I swear, I haven’t had any play in three months. If this goes on much longer, you can start calling me rusty kunt. [heh heh, that was dumb but it made a point.]
Hey, Ruffian, I would appreciate a lifemate also. Do you provide phone numbers and addresses of the recommended lifemates?
Kat, ssskuggiii, Johnny, open your eyes–there’s an orgy goin’ on here! I ain’t got time for matchmakin’. (Pat, you owe me for this!) 
Hey there Ruffian, so how’re the…orgy? Damn, and I’m all out of scented massage oils and mink gloves. I guess that doesn’t matter too much, though I was looking for a life-mate. I guess a meaningless, casual orgy will do for now.
Ok everyone, I don’t want to be the party pooper, but remember to practice safe hex, here you go.
::: Dumps a couple of boxes of Norton/McCaffy/various other brands of antiviral OScondoms on the floor. :::
Enjoy yourselfs, Oh and Ruffian, don’t forget, since you started this, you get to clean up afterwards…the mop, bucket, and firehose are in the closet.
I had to think up about a million patron saint ofs for everyone and their brother on this damned board, Wally made up about a million sigs, UncleBeer wrote everyone profiles, your draft number has just been drawn. Step up to the plate, my girl, and fulfill your destiny!
And while you’re at it, will you tell me what the hell I’m looking for in a guy? Because I’m not having much luck on my own. I’ll make you the Patron Saint of Matchmaking, if that’s an incentive…
Magic 8-Ball sez:
No, I’ve never crashed. But the one at the top of my “photo album” page was crashed by another guy. Too bad. It’d just come out of a factory re-build!
Hell, you can’t swing a dead cat on this board without hitting a group of orgy participants, but this is the only thread offering a lifemate satisfaction guaranteed. Now cough up the lifemate.
Kaaaaaaaaat, I didn’t guarantee to find you a lifemate! pricciar volunteered me for this job. That was his guarantee, not mine.
Hey, Pat, where’d you go, man?! You stirred up this pot and have left me to clean it up.
'Tis time I volunteered you…to rescue me from this mess. I tried to keep up, I really did. 
After searching for the last five years all I can say is that the only person who could find me a soulmate would also be able to walk on water. 
Ruffy Ruffy. I bow to you in an apologetic fever.
On Monday when I get back from meeting the NoCal dopers. And I have had long car trips to concentrate on these things. I will have soulmates for all the participants.
Meyer’s and Root Beer will guide me in my psychic soul mate thinking.
pat