sad rant (long)

I’d put this in the pit, but it’s not a viable rant at this time, just an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Mr. Beckwall’s daughter, who lives in another state with her mother, is having her 13th birthday next week. For as long as I can remember, she has not sent an e-mail, phoned or made any effort to communicate. Mr. Beckwall goes to see her 3-4 times a year, which is basically the only “vacation” he gets. She won’t come here, because she “hates the weather” (was here once for 3 days). This has been going on now for over 5 years.

Now that she will be a teenager, I would imagine she is capable of making conscious decisions and handling the consequences. Mr. Beckwall is a great dad - not just the easy stuff like remembering birthdays and holidays, but trying to engage her in conversations about her hobbies, interests, etc., all to no avail. She is very smart, and she knows it. In previous posts, I have written about her being allowed to skip school whenever she “needed to” (for example, at age 8 or so, “fallen arches”, “urinary tract infection” - her words, BTW). Mr. Beckwall is of the Scandinavian sector, and takes thing in a stoic manner. So he basically makes all the effort here, and gets nothing in return, and refuses to explain to her why he would like some daughterly attention from her.

Crap, this post is a mess. I have no idea what I am doing right now. Chalk it up to Friday night blues (my work week starts Sat.)Can anyone hear me out there, and perhaps give me insight into such a situation???

how does her mum speak/feel about mr beckwall?

i know a guy who is a great dad. since the breakup of the marriage and divorce, his ex has turned the girls from him. it is horrible, he tries and is met by a stone wall in the form of the two cutest girls around.

during the marriage the girls thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. now… it is really, really, horrible.

Sometimes you have to wait through periods of the child’s “I can’t hear you” attitude, and connect with them later. My philosophy is this: If I consistently (or try to !) give love, support, and discipline to my child, one day they will be sufficiently mature enough to realize that I was a good parent. Sometimes you have to sift through a whole lot of B.S. before you get there. Sometimes it comes through in fits and snatches.

BUT. It’s almost always hard on your mommy-heart. ;). You might consider a support group; even an on-line one would help make you feel better.