Sadistic Snack Foods and the Masochists Who Love Them

I recently bought a jar of Embasa brand pickled jalapeno slices. In a sandwich shop, like Subway, I usually like a slice or two with my sandwich as a painful side relish. Those are usually pretty hot.

But Christ on a tenspeed, these Embasa brand chiles are about a thousand times hotter. I could tolerate about 1/4 of one slice with dinner the other night, and I had to clutch my throat and weep and cough after each tiny nip. They were hotter than habaneros, I swear. Good, though. I think I’ll have another one with dinner tonight.

I love munching on crushed ice. Sometimes it makes my teeth and jawbones ache, sort of like an “ice cream headache” in my jaw.

Love the little ice pellets that come from Sonic!! I can munch on them all day!!

And no one’s tried to kill you, yet? :wink:

I agree with the hot sauces. Another one is shrimp chips (puffy chips or crackers with a slight shrimp flavor added), found in Asian groceries. Eat too many at once, and they cause diarrhea a few hours later. The trick is to eat just enough so this doesn’t happen. They are very good.

Red Li Hing Mui. These are the tastiest sweet/salt food in the planet, but they’ll also burn a chemical salt hole in your mouth after the first 10 or so.

My brother and I called it “Sugar Baby Throat,” for when you ate too many Sugar Babies in one sitting.

Candied ginger will burn if you eat more than a couple of pieces at a time. (For bonus points, eat ginger with wasabi peas.)

Fresh pineapple for me, and in the summer, fresh watermelon to the extent that you spend a few hours with a good book in the john. My dh is the one that will swill down home made salsa with his Mexican brother-in-law, tears running down his face, nose dripping, then pay for it all again the next day coming out the other way. :rolleyes:

I am lactose intolerant. My favorite food is ice cream.

Why, oh why did you have to post that link? Now that I know such a place as exists, my life will never be the same. ~D:

By the way, whatever happened to peach-flavored Jolly Ranchers? Those things were the best ever, but I haven’t seen them in years. All they have now are nasty flavors like cherry, grape and blue raspberry, and merely adequate flavors like watermelon and apple.

This is just what I was going to say. Word for word.

Not to hijack, but that’s actually a sign of anemia.

Okay, not only am I craving my usual sadistic snack foods I also want some snacks I haven’t had in a while, like pistachios, whoppers, fresh pineapple, and jalapeno poppers. I also want to try jalapeno potato chips, shrimp chips (how much can I eat without diarrhea?) and some other stuff mentioned. I really am a masochist if a thread about sadistic snack foods makes me want to eat them.

Vero Mango lollipops (chile covered mango lollipops) tear up my mouth something fierce, but they taste oh so good. The chile coating has the texture of coarse sand paper and the mango lollipop is sharp enough to wound. I also believe it has trace amounts of lead or something or other (a lot of mexican made candies were pulled for this reason).

oops forgot to add kiwi fruits. I love the way they taste, but they make my whole tongue feel dead after a few of them. I think they kill every taste bud I have.

About 1/4 of the standard-size bag is about right for averting the unpleasantness.

Is that the same stuff that comes on those little plastic spoons? That spicy mango stuff is top notch stuff.

Lemon Altoid drops! Why is it that torturing our mouth roofs is so great?

My other favorite is Hershey’s syrup covered she-flesh. :smiley:

Unless she bites, where’s the pain in that?
Hey, the thread made Threadspotting! I don’t think one of my threads has done that since the time I had my bra on backwards all day and didn’t notice and of course had to post about it.

I’ve heard this, but I’ve crunched ice all my life (obsessively, to some people’s minds), and my iron levels are and have always been fine.

eta: yes, anecdote does not equal data, but I’ve been hounded by enough people that I actually have had the levels checked just to shut them up :wink:

I’m a sucker for hot. Capscasin junky through and through.

When I get wasabi, I use all of mine, and whatever wasabi anybody at the table doesn’t use. I get a nice, thick paste going with just a little soy sauce. Whatever’s leftover from the sushi/sashimi, I grab the shredded radish and soak it in there. The extra surface area makes it give off fumes like inhaling mustard gas. It’s super important to take a deep breath and gradually exhale, or I swear to god I’ll barf up a lung or something. When I do screw up and inhale, I finish what I have in my mouth anyway; nothing will ‘make it better’. Sometimes I just pick up the little dipping saucer and do it like a shot.

I’m the same way with horseradish. I don’t care about the prime rib, just give me the horseradish!

I eat those little red peppers in chinese food like yummy candy.

I had really good hot sauce once, I got a little on my face and made my cheek go numb. I finished it. If you give me hot sauce, I will use it.

I also like extreme garlic. As I instruct the pizza guy, just keep putting it on until it makes you ill to think what would happen if a human ate it, then add some more. Maybe it goes back to not sharing. A nice green (pesto) pizza with big lumps of garlic on it looks like TB on toast to most people. More for me!

As I’ve gotten older, more of the capscasin seems to make it through my digestive tract without getting absorbed, so I sometimes feel like I’m pooping molten lead. On the plus side, I have a high tolerance for pain, and some of that’s possibly thanks to the capscasin.

Oh, and ice cream makes me sick. No, it’s not lactose intolerance or anything like that. I just keeps eatin’ it untils I gets sick. I dare not buy it in more than a ‘single serving’ quantity.

I chew ice. If there is ice in my glass, I will eat it. Doesn’t bother me at all. Makes certain OTHER people want to kill me, though.

I will suck a slurpee until I have an ice cream headache, and continue slurping. Ever get ‘brain freeze’ while you’re driving? I just keep going.

And now I will give you the RECIPE of ULTIMATE EVIL:

(All from Trader Joe’s, sold in 1lb bags)
1lb raw, unsalted (sweet) almonds
1lb raw, unsalted sunflower seeds
1lb white raisins
1lb dried, unsulphated pineapple rings

Take the pineapple rings (they have the consistency of thick beef jerky - if it’s crunchy or gummy, it’s the WRONG stuff) and tear them into small pieces. Be careful, you can rip your hands up doing this. Mix all thoroughly in a big container and store in something that has an airtight lid.

People CAN NOT stop eating it. It’s probably about the healthiest trail mix thing you could possibly make, but not if you sit down and eat four pounds of it. If you just start snacking on it without paying attention, you’ll be appalled to discover how much you have eaten.

Oh, and big vitamin C pills. Ever just suck on one? Tastes really nice and sour until it gets ‘salty’. Mostly that ‘salty’ flavor is the holes it ate through my tongue and the roof of my mouth, bleeding.
Another routine self-torture: I like tea. I like the big, vacuum insulated Thermos Thermax mugs. They keep the tea SCALDING HOT ALL DAY. All winter long, I end up with bits of cooked, blistered flesh dangling from the roof of my mouth. You’d think I would remember… but no, I don’t. After I’ve been sitting at the computer programming for a few hours, I take a nice, big drink of 200 degree mint tea.