Sages
A reminder to be gentle.
2: this is the last time that I will ever use these words.
Pause
3 which words?
2 Any. They are precious.
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So, you will never again say; ‘this is the last time I will use any of these words’?
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Correct.
Pause
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Let me get this straight: you will never say ‘correct’ again?
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yes.
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Man. That’s so beautiful. There’s so much to learn from treating everything you say as your final words on the subject. Like, Jesus, you’d never say anything carelessly. People would treat your every utterance with their deepest thoughts.
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(smiles and nods benignly.)
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Yeah. And you’ll break that stupid habit of always needing to have the last word.
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what habit?
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You know what I’m talking about.
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No, uh, don’t.
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You know exactly what I mean. Every time we argue about anything, you always have to have the last say.
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Not true.
pause -
Yes it is.
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uh, uh, snot.
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Look there, you said ‘uh’ three times now! you can drop this ridiculous idea.
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Doesn’t count.
1 are you sure? That’s the only time you can say that. Are you sure you want to waste it on ‘uh’? -
(muttering) Shutup.
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what was that?
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SHUT- fuck off.
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My, these are heady wonders, to treat with our deepest thoughts. ‘Fuck off,’ eh? Man, ill be puzzling over that one all night.
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Yeah, how do you get to sleep?
thoughtful silence. -
A still mind.
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ahh.
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Yeah, but that’s bollox really. You can spend all night wondering how to still your mind. And anyway, all you are doing is shushing yourself, which is just as awake as thinking thoughts. What are the thoughts that keep you awake, 3?
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Ah, Just stuff. Anything. Sometimes its not a thought but more a problem that I have to face. Sometimes its not even that, I just have to get up in the morning, and I spend all night panicking about trying to get to sleep.
pause -
maybe you just need to be more tired at night.
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Yeah, probably.
(park background)
I saw this old guy, this scruffy old homeless dood. In the park, near UCD. ‘Excuse me Excuse me. Hi, My name is 3.’ I shook his hand.
‘I used to be a student here. I was always too shy to talk to you.’
He nodded and turned to walk away.
“Do you mind if, could we sit on the bench or something and have a, uh, ”
He was nodding to himself, walking away.
“Do you, uh, I want to be, uh, I’m an artist. I’d like to chat with you.”
He stopped with his back to me, nodding.
‘is it, uh. They said, Is it true that you used to be a lecturer here?
He turned.
“Yeah. yeah.”
We said nothing. It was very quiet.
He nodded again, and turning away walked a few steps onto the grass. And stopped. I walked around to his side. After a few seconds, I sat down. The lake was very still. The sky was still, and getting bright. It was very quiet. I took a note book and pencil out of my bag and tried to think of something to write.
Was he really a lecturer? Did he understand what I’d said to him?
I glanced at him and saw he was watching me. He nodded and I got ready to write down what he said.
“Yeah, yeah.”
I got ready. I strained to hear his whispers. It was very quiet. I wrote down words I could imagine on his breath.
( background of note book + whispering sounds)
So there were t
And eh,
What would I know?
I don’t know.
Eh, yeah
Is anyone admiring?
Could anyone be just another face?
Did I get a chance to pass (or know?)
A good book
Come up here
I looked up, thinking that he was addressing me instead of maybe narrating to me.
(Notebook and clearer whisper)
I hope to god its alright now.
And he nodded.
I stopped writing, and put my book and pencil back in my bag.
I stood up. We were looking at each other again.
“good bye,”
“I was-”
We both froze.
I had interrupted his first clear sentence. His eyes lost something. He walked away nodding.
“Yeah. Yeah.”
silence.
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Jesus!
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I fucking know! I couldn’t fucking believe it! I mean, Christ! ‘I was’! ‘I was’! You were What! Who where you! I felt so fucking close… but then it was just a total end. I mean shit! I was totally… I was so scared of upsetting him. Or looking like another pretentious arse student. But I fucking still had the courage to do it. To try. I cant tell you how many times I just walked by him, mortified at the idea of looking like another knob.
(pause)
I think it was right to try talk to him. I just. Fuck. I just wasn’t wise enough to do it well. -
But wise enough to try. And certainly wiser after than wiser before.
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But its so frustrating to think you can have the courage to try and still screw it up.
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Yeah. That’s a biggie.
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Keeps me up alright.