In the song “Santa Baby”, the singer starts off wanting a sable wrap or coat. Then she wants a nice car. This is a pretty good starting off point- the basic “expensive gifts” stereotypes, recognizable (if not universally relatable) to any listener.
Next up, she wants a yacht- and really that’s not a lot. This is good because it is still grounded in culturally recognized symbols of affluence while being a distinct step up from her previous requests. Her requests are getting more audacious in little steps.
Next stanza is where it falls apart. Now what does she need? The deed . . . to a platinum mine. O.K., now we’re completely off the map. Fist of all, if she’s got her own platinum mine she can buy her own sable, convertible, and yacht. *Still, that’s o.k.*because we’re watching her requests get bigger and bigger as the song goes on. In the beginning of the song when she asked for the sable and the convertible, she hadn’t even thought to ask for something as big as her own platinum mine. But, a platinum mine is such a huge leap from the yacht and now there’s really nowhere to go from here . . . but there’s still song left that’s gotta be filled with requests.
So, next it’s “fill my stocking with a duplex and checks”. Ummmmm, what!?!?!?
Hey, lady, you now own your own platinum mine!!! You’re asking for a duplex? Not an amazing mansion on a hill? You’re the world’s newest platinum magnate and you’re happy living in a little duplex?
And, you’ve no doubt got your own checking account now. Are you just asking Santa to have the printer fire off a new book of checks for your own checking account? No, you’re asking Santa to sign the (presumably) blank checks. You’ve got your own platinum mine! You really are beyond needing a sugar daddy at this point.
Next she wants her Christmas tree trimmed with some decorations bought at Tiffany. Well, o.k., many women enjoy jewelry as a gift- even women of independent wealth. Still, it would have fit the build up of the song better if this request had come before the request for the platinum mine.
We end with a request for a ring (not on the phone). O.K., even with the platinum mine this is a good one to end for because what she’s really asking for is someone who will love her and share her life with her. Even young platinum magnates can desire this kind of fulfillment- indeed, a successful woman often finds this especially difficult as she encounters men who are intimidated by her success and independence. So, we’ll allow the final stanza to stay as it is.
Really, it’s the platinum mine that stands out so awkwardly.