Oh, Krampus is very busy as well. He travels with Satan, scourging the bad children and inflicting the “Mark of the Beast” upon them. These are the especially bad kids who will grow up to be Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer or Donald Rumsfeld. Misbehaving brats who see Krampus but who are not marked by him receive the “coal”, thus might stand a chance of escaping eternal damnation.
Further evidence of the demonic origins of “Santa Claus” are everywhere. His nickname is St. Nick and Satan is sometimes referred to as Old Nick. Kringle comes from old Norse for “ring” or “circle” as in Dante’s Circles of Hell.
The names of his “reindeer” are also suspect:
Dasher = Dashed in the skulls of Satan’s enemies
Dancer = inflicts St. Vitus’ Dance
Prancer = bastardization of Prankster, or liar
Vixen = a temptress or succubus
Comet = frequently seen through history as an evil omen and harbinger of doom
Donder/Donner = Dutch/German for Thunder
Blixem/Blitzen = Dutch/German for Lightning
I am still trying to track down the origin for “Cupid” but I believe it originated with Roman mythology about his origins as either Jupiter’s prankster son or as the son of Nyx who was know for “riotous debauchery”.
Rudolph was, of course, merely a 20th century marketing addition and so is not part of the true Santa mythos.
You know, erie, that all fits together. Ooh - Stephen King could write such a story out of that premise. But I’m not sure how the giant spider fits in.
The North Pole is strictly “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Much like the apocryphal story of “Pope Joan,” there have been female Santas- however, they did their job so well that even the archivists at the Society of Antiquated Nicholases and Toymaking Arcticers (S.A.N.T.A.) are unable to say exactly which ones they were.
Close. I’m the Spider King and my sister is a Black Widow.
Actually I’m just your average, run-of-the-mill, twisted psychopath who sees malevolence in all things supposedly good and wholesome. Don’t even bother asking me about the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny!
They are lucky to get away with the remainder of their teeth. The Tooth Fairy used to be known as the Bicuspid Beast. It would travel the world at night looking for children’s teeth. It would use the teeth for jewelry that it sold to Satanic worshippers for use in their ceremonies. It preferred kids’ teeth because they were generally less worn down than adult teeth and so had a better appearance. When it came upon a child that was still awake it would swoop into the room, immobilize the kid and yank out all of their teeth. The sight of the blood and the look of terror on the kid’s face fed the Beast’s sick appetites. Plus, the psychic energy created by the fear would imbue the extracted teeth with incredible power.
Kids knew the Beast would come and so tried to hide from it by putting a pillow over their heads. Little did they know that the Beast would always look there first. The pillow and the mattress had the appearance of a large pair of lips (the Beast was nasty but stupid). Finally, some smart kid thought that if he took a tooth that had fallen out and placed it under the pillow then maybe the Beast would be confused and think that the “mouth” only had one tooth in it.
The trick worked and the Beast left with just the one tooth, leaving the child alone. The kid quickly passed the word to other kids about how to fool the Beast.
Over the years the Beast realized that he was no longer getting the volume of teeth he was used to so he instituted a reward system for the teeth. If a kid left a tooth, the Beast would leave money or a toy.
As time passed, children forgot about the creature’s horrific past and began to believe that any being that was capable of giving you cash for a discarded tooth had to be either a simpleton or a generous, benevolent fairy. Thus the name Tooth Fairy came into being.
Modern children must still be warned about the danger of sleeping with a pillow over their heads. We tell them it is just so they don’t suffocate but the truth is we don’t want to terrorize the kids about what the Beast would do to them if it finds their heads are under the pillow.
My God, featherlou! You mean you saw it and lived!
The Easter Bunny is another demonic spirit. It would manifest out of the ether in the form of a cute little white bunny in order to fool children. It would hop away, leading children on a merry chase. To keep the kids enticed it would leave a trail of eggs or candy. When the kid was separated from the rest of the children in some secluded place it would transform into a ravenous, rabid beast which would devour the child. That was how it got its original name, the Ether Rabid. To ensure a greater chance of success, it would leave treats for lots of kids. It usually only catches the really stupid, gullible or greedy children so there isn’t any great loss to society.
It was able to come to Earth at Easter Time because of Christian hypocrisy. They claim to believe in a messiah who died for their sins but still go about oppressing and punishing others, especially family members, for their sins and transgressions. The psychic reverberations created by the conflict between faith and action on what is supposedly the holiest day in Christendom makes a rip in the fabric between our world and Hell, allowing this horrid creature a chance to manifest. The psychic tear only lasts for that day, though, and so it must escape back to Hell before it closes or else it will be obliterated when its ethereal umbilicus is severed.