Savannah, Ga-- Preacher finds demons in PC.
"One woman wept as she confessed to me, ‘I feel when I’m on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.’ "
The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner’s computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence program fired up – without him clicking it on. “The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me,” he recalls. "It typed out, ‘Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.’ "
Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.
“I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text,” the minister said. “It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!”
Since, then, Rev.Jim Peasboro has researched the problem further and uncovered alarming facts.
“I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs,” he said. “I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence on them.”
The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit.
I am keeping a dummy 386 computer next to mine, as a trap for demons. Or maybe I just like the old thing. For good luck and a lightning conductor. Now if I could just get a power surge while the demon is in it.
My computer seems to be okay, but my mouse is desperately in need of a good exorcising. Thing drives me crazy.
And my daughter has this pair of Blue’s Clues slippers…well, I don’t believe in Beelzebub, but if I did, I’d have his address, and it would be the same as mine. The selling point of these slippers is that when you squeeze one of them, it barks just like Blue. The thing is, you don’t need to squeeze the slipper anymore. You don’t have to be touching it. You don’t have to be in the same damn room as this thing, and it will bark. Not constantly, just one or two times. It’s weird.
This space blank, until Wally thinks up something cool to put here.
Not only is Satan in our computers, the Antichrist is among us, and is probably a vegetarian! Or maybe a pacifist. This according to a conservative (is there another kind?) Catholic Cardinal in line to be the Pope (one of the leading contenders as is were–apparently, someone’s got an inside line on who God will chose to be Pope when John Paul II goes to his reward–it seems so crass to talk about a Pope’s death, don’t you think?). I don’t know who to be more frightened of, but I’e always been a bit suspicious of vegetarians.
You know, I’m sure there are a lot of computer-illiterate pastors out there(can’t be any lower percentage than the normal population). And it would be too hard to write a small program that brought up a screen labelled “artificial intelligence program (something or other)” and started typing things like “Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.”
Satan talks to me in chat too. I have his ICQ number too, but he doesnt contact me there :). One of his minions by the name of Demo talks to me in chat too and makes me do bad, bad things!
