(Note: This seems to fit somewhere between MPSIMS and the Pit; it’s pretty mild, so I’ve put it here. I apologize if I guessed wrong…hopefully a Mod will correct me if I was mistaken. )
Ok, technically it’s Saturday morning, but it still feels like Friday to me: I’ve been lying awake in bed for the past 2.5 hours, sleepy but unable to shut off my brain, and I think I’ve come to a conclusion about something that I’ve been trying to decide since my college days: I am not cut out for management, or any kind of leadership position that involves having people under me.
I have very little tolerance for grown people who act like children. People like co-worker #1 (CW1), who cried on her boss’s shoulder when she misunderstood an e-mail from me, instead of talking with me about it like a rational human being (and, when I tried to talk with her about it – at the suggestion of both our bosses – said, “We have nothing to discuss.”). People like CW2, who threw a temper tantrum (!) when I tried to talk with him about the fact that he has repeatedly failed to do a job that he volunteered for. And og knows there are others… I make no claims of great maturity, but I sure as hell try, and I am sick to death of feeling like a horrible person whenever I let people like this get to me. If I show even a hint of temper in response (and I mean no worse than a raised voice…well, ok, I called CW2 an ass the other day, but that’s the only time I have ever snapped like that), somehow I am the one who should have been the grownup. I’m tired of it. I just don’t have it in me to coddle people like this, and I know that if I follow through with my plan to become a performance manager I will have to deal with them on a regular basis. What’s worse, I know that people like this exist in every company, everywhere. I swear to og, if I were CW1’s manager I think I would have shot one of us by now.
I’m not ready to leave my company or find a new career yet, but I’m done pursuing any kind of management track. My performance review is on Wednesday, and I’m going to tell my boss that I’m no longer interested in becoming a manager, or even a leader in anything but a “Misnomer does her job very well, and is quite knowledgeable” way. I will also un-register from the performance and compensation management training sessions that I’m scheduled to attend. I’ve wondered all along if I had the temperament for that kind of work, and if I had the ability to learn to control my anger at people who act like children, and now I’m done trying. I have neither the time, the will, nor the emotional reserves. I know that ‘just doing my job’ will in no way ensure that I never have to deal with annoying people, but the odds will be slimmer and I will no longer be making any pretense of maturity or leadership.
I will finish the graduate degree that I’ve just started. I will continue the good relationships with project managers that I’ve developed in the past 3 years, and I will continue to get along well with the vast majority of my co-workers. But the immature, irrational ones with emotional problems can just bite me.