I’m always a little bit congested. So I can pull up a very loud, very ‘wet’ sounding cough.
That clears the aisle, let me you.
I’ve seen the silent push/bump/twist method lead to arguments, and the barking “Excuse me!” like it was a commandment lead to out-and-out fist-fighting (because drunk people are so cool :rolleyes: ), but I can honestly say in all my life a polite, “excuse me”, “excuse me, please”, or “excuse me, chief”, possibly accompanied by a gentle tap on the should, has never let me down, and only very rarely have I had to repeat myself.
Common courtesy works, people.
[QUOTE=BrknButterfly]
I can’t read these at work. Dead silence and then I read this. Silence is broken by my unhinged laughter. I could totally see this. Awesome. LOL!
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think it’s just your laughter that’s unhinged 
[QUOTE=FourPaws]
I don’t think it’s just your laughter that’s unhinged
[/QUOTE]
You seriously need to get a life and quit stalking me. You’re one vacation. Go outside or something.
[QUOTE=don’t ask]
I had a recent experience of this. Two women were talking, almost blocking the aisle at the supermarket. So as not to interrupt their conversation I tried to squeeze past and my hand basket bumped one woman’s trolley. She said, “A simple ‘excuse me’ would work.”
Since I figured I was trying to be polite I responded, “Not blocking the fucking aisle would work even better.”
Not one of my better moments but hell neither of them made any effort to move when I was approaching.
[/QUOTE]
I think your approach is excellent, with a Taser as a back up tool. 
The world lost something when Andre the Giant passed away. I’ve wanted to take him to Wal-Mart many times so he can yell “EVERYBODY MOVE!” when I need to get past the drooling masses.
[QUOTE=SpazCat]
The world lost something when Andre the Giant passed away. I’ve wanted to take him to Wal-Mart many times so he can yell “EVERYBODY MOVE!” when I need to get past the drooling masses.
[/QUOTE]
James Earl Jones bellowing “MAKE A HOLE! MAKE IT WIDE!” (from Gardens of Stone) would make a good substitute.
[QUOTE=Lynn Bodoni]
And the only one sure to be noticed by some of these clueless wonders.
Recently I took a woman to task for entering an elevator when I was trying to exit it. I told her that I WAS going to exit on this floor, one way or another, and if she came barrelling into the elevator, she’d just have to wait until I picked myself up and exited. I also pointed out that this was a fucking HOSPITAL, and thus some people might be a bit unsteady on their legs and easily knocked down. She started to bluster that she was in a hurry, and then I told her, as I was holding the door, that now she was even later, all because she didn’t use either common sense or courtesy.
Yes, I CAN be a bitch when I feel like it. Sometimes I don’t even have to try.
[/QUOTE]
- cheers
I wish I could take you with me the next time I need to visit a hospital. Hospitals are the worst places for people to be oblivious/rude when boarding an elevator. There should be a special place in hell reserved especially for such morons.
[QUOTE=Frostillicus]
I always say ‘excuse me’ when I am trying to get past some clueless dolt who is blocking my way. However, I find that saying just once never seems to work. Usually, when I raise my voice and repeat it for the 3rd or 4th time is when my presence actually sinks in.
[/QUOTE]
I get obnoxiously polite and verbose when some oblivious idiot is blocking the aisle:
“WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME PLEASE? I’D LIKE TO GET THROUGH.”
or
“EXCUSE ME PLEASE, BUT WOULD YOU MIND MOVING YOUR CART? I’D LIKE TO GET TO THE OTHER END OF THE AISLE.”
Not shouting, just very clearly enunciated.
[QUOTE=Scarlett67]
I get obnoxiously polite and verbose when some oblivious idiot is blocking the aisle:
“WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME PLEASE? I’D LIKE TO GET THROUGH.”
or
“EXCUSE ME PLEASE, BUT WOULD YOU MIND MOVING YOUR CART? I’D LIKE TO GET TO THE OTHER END OF THE AISLE.”
Not shouting, just very clearly enunciated.
[/QUOTE]
Of course, if I’m not really in a hurry and they’re blocking the aisle with their cart, I’ll stop and help them with their shopping. “Ooh, I see you’re choosing among the many wonderful shapes and flavors of macaroni and cheese! My favorite! Here’s my suggestion…!”
Creeps 'em out, and they quickly move their cart to let me go.
[QUOTE=BrknButterfly]
You seriously need to get a life and quit stalking me. You’re one vacation. Go outside or something.
[/QUOTE]
Ok, this time, I’ll be the kettle, and you can be the pot. But thanks, I’ve been outside all day. It’s called taking a break 
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
Of course, if I’m not really in a hurry and they’re blocking the aisle with their cart, I’ll stop and help them with their shopping. “Ooh, I see you’re choosing among the many wonderful shapes and flavors of macaroni and cheese! My favorite! Here’s my suggestion…!”
Creeps 'em out, and they quickly move their cart to let me go.
[/QUOTE]
Or start picking stuff out of their cart - that’ll get their attention.
In defense of the sneaker-arounders, I have a very quiet voice - I’ll try to get around instead of saying “Excuse me” because my “Excuse me’s” are never heard (and if you are a quiet-voiced person, you get real damned tired of repeating everything you say).
[QUOTE=danceswithcats]
oceanbreezepineforestcocoanutvanillacinnamonhorsetwatappleraspberrybusdepotmensroomrumraisinfratpartyvomit.
[/QUOTE]
Now that’s the sorta air freshener I’ve been looking for since Adam was a lad
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
I say “excuse me” all the time when people are in my fucking way and I can’t get around. The majority of the time, they say “oh, sure!” or “oh, sorry!”
What I don’t get is why I have to call attention to the fact I’m trying to get past. Isn’t it obvious you and your kids and your kiddie-SUV cart are blocking the whole fucking aisle? I have to ask to get past you??
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, this is the part I don’t get. Every once in a while I’ll zone out and not pay attention and there’s some display blocking the other half of the aisle opposite me sos that someone can’t get by* but when you have kids, a cart, the kids have kiddy carts and you’re all about 3 feet wide and walking abreast, how can you not realize you’re blocking the aisle?
*And why the hell do stores have to block the aisles even more by putting up these stupid displays so that only one cart can get past at a time anyway? One shopping trip I ended up hitting so many of these things trying to get past them I was tempted to just knock them all over and stomp on them.
From working as a stagehand, I’ve gotten “Watch yer back!” down pat. People jump out of the way, and then look annoyed to discover that someone isn’t behind them pushing a pallet full of hand-grenades, or a handtruck of anvils. It’s just me and my scowl, instead.
Just yell “OH, FUCK! EXPLOSIVE DIAHORRHEA!”, put your head down, grab your arse with both hands and run past bent double and weaving erratically in a lurching stumble. The crowds just melt away.
[QUOTE=featherlou]
Or start picking stuff out of their cart - that’ll get their attention.
[/QUOTE]
Never done that, but I will admit to having discretely placed items in carts blocking my way.
I hate when I actually do say “excuse me” to some fucktard who’s barreling through me without even bothering to notice that I’m there, only to get a nastily phrased “Excuse you!” because she didn’t hear me pardon myself for daring to be in her path.
[QUOTE=Projammer]
I have discovered that there is a particular tone and inflection of Excuse me that the brain automatically interprets as GET YOUR A** OUT OF THE WAY YOU F*****G MORON! in most cases. For those that are too dense/clueless/entitled to make that connection I feel entirely justified in using my cart as a cow catcher.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, there’s the polite “excuse me” and then there’s the “excuse me” done in inflections related to those of a “well, bless you li’l heart, dahlin’!”