Ah, I stand corrected. If the condoms are not past their expiration date, I would probably not ask for a new box, but I can see the point of view of someone who would. As I said above, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a new box of condoms for a new serious, committed, monogamous relationship, as kind of a symbolic gesture, because I do think that condoms have more emotional baggage than aspirin or band aids. If the relationship is more casual, then I think it would be silly to insist on new condoms. And if the expense is really an issue, then I think the person requesting new condoms should buy them.
That makes sense to me. I guess it really really depends on how one views condoms, and of course points of view about sexual matters are intensely personal.
Actually, what information we have makes the condoms at least three years older than the purchase of the truck. We don’t know the elapsed time between the truck purchase and the discovery of the condoms, so that time would have to be added to the total.
I happen to have an expired condom in my desk drawer. It was purchased in '99, and the expiry date is '02. Three years. Plus a year between expiry and truck purchase, so for this particular condom, that’d make it 4 years old at the point the truck was purchased. If you don’t think that makes it unreasonable to conclude anything but that the condoms were in the truck when it was purchased, I guess we just have different ideas about what’s reasonable. Remind me not to date you.
Really? you appear to be unwilling to read back, so I’ll quote Rick’s entire post here
Please explain how we know for certain the mystery goes any deeper than one year.
That other quote isn’t me. You might want to think about attributing your quotes correctly.
Jesus Christ. First of all, “that other quote” is from Rick’s original quote. You know, the one you just quoted. And I thought it perfectly clear in context that I was quoting Rick in support of my point, and not you. Since you just quoted it yourself, I should think you’d have realized that, but if you think there’s any chance that anyone other than you was confused by that, I’ll grovel and beg forgiveness. However, since you accused me of “not being willing to read back” when in fact I quoted the relevant information without you realizing it, but thinking I was putting words in your mouth instead, it would appear to be someone other than me who has trouble with their reading comprehension.
Second, the point is blazingly obvious. The condoms expired a year before the truck was purchased. But condoms don’t expire until years after they are purchased. The only one I have on hand to check expired 3 years after it was puchased, and I believe this is the usual timeframe. So the box in question was likely puchased 4 years before the truck. That is, condom purchase [3 year gap] condoms expire [1 year gap] truck purchased [unspecified time gap] condoms discovered = 4 years + time between truck purchase and discovery = “how we know for certain the mystery goes any deeper than one year.”
Of course, we don’t know for certain. Maybe Rick’s friend purchased from the vast black market in expired condoms. Maybe after the condoms were discovered he forged the earlier date on them. Maybe time travelling space aliens gave him a box they’d picked up two weeks earlier in their time frame/5 years earlier in our time frame so that he could demonstrate human mating rituals for them with the cute blonde at the office. The only reasonable conclusion, however, is that the condoms were purchased several years earlier than the truck was, and hence were most likely purchased by the previous owner of the truck.
Gorsnak,
Sorry, I wasn’t following your logic. I understand it now, but really, the age of the condoms is a complete red herring, and I never intended it to make or break my point. While I know I’ve bought condoms that expired less than a year from that date, let’s assume these condoms were 10 years old. 15 years old. They were made from the fuel lines of WWII tanks. It’s still plausible that they belonged to the man in question. All that is required is for him to have had them, expired as they were, in one car, and he subsequently moved them to the newer car. More plausible, IMO, than them being missed when the dealership cleaned the car.
Ya know, you can buy a used vehicle from someone other than a dealer…I have only bought 3 of some 14 different vehicles I have owned in the past 24 years at a dealership… especially things like pickup trucks tend to be bought from the want ads because they depreciate so blasted badly it really isnt really worth using anything over about 3-5 years as a tradein.
Uhhh, I’m going to go with Gorsnak on this one. A man stores condoms for four years with the intention of them being discovered and then having a perfect alibi for having them in his truck? Remind me never to date you either.
Paranoid much?
Oh, by the way, when I got my first car, I was pleasently suprised to discover that the owner had a Playboy conveniently left under the passenger’s seat when I cleaned it out for the first time. Imagine the hell I would have caught if I was dating you at the time…
As to the “open box of condoms” issue, I’m pretty certain that the condoms my now-husband used the first few times we slept together were purchased some time previous to our first date, and weren’t from a brand-new box. It never would have even occurred to me to worry about such a thing; I knew full well that he’d slept with other women before we met. I was just happy that he was practicing safe sex, and had condoms handy, so there was no waiting. I don’t see them as having any emotional connotation, at least in that scenario.
As to the OP…it sounds like you and SO have an otherwise pretty good relationship, and he didn’t make any attempt to hide it, so his explanation is most likely true. My hubby went down to the Pride festivities while I was out of town one weekend (it was a good excuse to wear his Utilikilt, I think 
) and brought home condoms from that. I made a joke that he couldn’t have been having too much hot gay sex if he had some left over. My point is, I trust my husband because I know him and I know he’s a trustworthy man; you know RGG better than any of us possibly could, so you know whether you have reason to trust or distrust him, so lay the immediate emotional response aside and look at that.
No way. Besides the more likely explanation that the dealership missed it when they cleaned the truck, or that that bought it from an individual, having several-year-old expired condoms would point to the lack of an affair. The dude’s cheating, but doesn’t even go through a box is several year’s time? :rolleyes: Oh wait, the aliens are supplying him with expired condoms just to give him an excuse.
If he actually was cheating I don’t know if that would bring me much comfort.
But I’m funny like that.
Waverly, Gorsnak come here both of you. Sit down and listen up.
The hubby in my story had owned the truck for several years (3 or 4) when the wife found the condoms.
The experation date on said box of condoms was about 1 year before he purchased the truck, making said box of condoms 4-5 years out of date
Why did she forgive him?
Simple she realized that he had more than 2 brain cells to rub together, and would not keep condoms that were that far out of date around. In keeping with Occam’s razor the simplest explantion is that the box of condoms had been under the seat since before the truck was purchased by her husband. So not being a psycho bitch from hell, the matter was dropped.
There now wasn’t that simple?
Someone, please, pass me the tissues so I can dry the tears from my eyes.
Rick, fair enough. Given the amount of time maybe that is a more likely explanation. But be careful with Occam’s razor. While it states the explanation with the fewest assumptions is preferred; it makes no distinction in degree of simplicity. In other words, a 1 assumption hypothesis is preferred to a 2 assumption hypothesis, but perhaps not by a large margin.
You mean they EXPIRE? :eek:
That means the one I’ve been carrying around in my wallet since I was 14 isn’t any good anymore! :o
This may not be helpful to you, but it was to me when I was in similar circumstances.
It was this: every time I felt jealousy start to kick in, I told myself, “I can choose to be jealous, or I can choose to trust him.” The thing is, your emotional reaction to anything is a choice, whether or not it feels like it. You, much like me at the time, are in a solid relationship where you’ve had trust established. Don’t let a feeling of insecurity create a real crisis. You’re tired and dealing with many challenges right now, but you’re also the mother of his child and his intended bride. Choose to trust in that.
That is very disrespectful. Jesus is your Lord and Savior. He died on the cross for your sins. If the Son of God comes knockin’ at the back door, you ought to let him in.
Okaly dokaly neighborino…
Well - back to the OP. Given the strength of your relationship - congrats by the way - it sounds like this condom query is just one example of what you see as your larger issue: how do you get comfortable in the relationship and let go of jealousy/fear of betrayal/negative feelings?
Well - you first have to ask yourself or folks you really trust: would a rational, reasonable person have a solid basis for being concerned?
- If you think the answer is No - then you have to deal with your head. Figure out what it would take to get your head to a better place - just the passage of time? Getting married? Hearing him say something? Therapy to deal with issues that have nothing to do with this person but affect how you view relationships?
- If you think the answer is “maybe” you need to isolate why and talk the issues out with your partner.
Figure out what you think is going on and do your best to deal with it. Good luck.
My $.02
I had a rather large collection of condoms (and dental dams) from my time working in a queer group office in college. The county AIDS project delivered little plastic packets containing a condom, dental dam, lube in two flavors, a mint and a little pamphlet of info about safe sex.
I collected all the different flavors of lube and ate the mints, so, even though I was a virgin, I had quite the collection of condoms in my room. Neither of my partners has had a problem with that, however.
On the other hand, if I found a condom in A.'s stuff that 1. wasn’t the brand we keep on hand for when I miss a birth control dose or 2. all by it’s lonesome (they stay in a drawer in the bathroom), I’d be upset at first, but I honestly don’t think he’s cheating, so I’d just ask him about it.
I’d figure it was an old one from years ago. But I’m the person who still had a 50-franc note in her wallet until last year, because I didn’t exchange it while I still could, and didn’t know what to do with it after that. And I hate cleaning out my wallet or purse- it somehow manages to be simultaneously difficult and boring. Mr. Neville is a pack rat, too, so I’d figure something similar was going on.
I would probably tease him some about it, but I wouldn’t have any serious suspicions on the basis of that alone.