So I picked up a whole baggie of free condoms from the Planned Parenthood booth in a tattoo parlor in New Orleans. All different kinds… banana flavored, glow-in-the-dark, ribbed for her pleasure, tuxedo. The thing is that they all expire in 2006, and I’m holding onto them in the impossible dream of me getting laid.
Stop laughing! It could happen, damnit. I figure I got 2 years. Stranger things have happened. Maybe I’ll take 'em out and look at them longingly every so often, just to renew my false hope.
"I just bought a box of condoms, and I discovered they come with expiration dates!
Great. Not only am I ugly and uninteresting, now, I’m working under deadline!"
Good luck, though. If all you want is sex, you’ll get it tonight. If you want more, you’ll have to shop for it like everyone else. Either way, I hope you get it.
I’d be satisfied with sex, a relationship, anything, but nothing seems to work out right now.
Thankfully, I have some old favorites back in my hometown that I’ll be seeing this December and January. It’s not the same, though. I had such an easy time picking up my first (ever, in my life!) girlfriend here, but since she dumped me a month and a half ago I can hardly get a girl I’m interested in to talk to me.
I guess I’m going to go leave my AIM screenname on the board on the door of a girl I kind of like in my dorm hall…but that seems like all I can do. I liked this one girl, then I met who would turn out to be my GF and forgot about her and now that I need someone all she can remember about me is that I dropped her like a bad habit. (Boo on me!) I met this other girl at a party but nothing happened because she ended up inviting me and my friends to her house (not knowing I was the guy she had met at a party a few weeks before)…then one of my ‘friends’ (a guy I didn’t even know, he just decided to tag along when me and my friend left the party!) got piss drunk on her vodka and made a fool of himself, passing out and nearly throwing up on her porch. Her roommate called the cops on us and denied her (the girl I knew) existence, and now she won’t answer my phone calls. I met this other girl while waiting in line to buy a class syllabus, but now whenever I call her to ask her to hang out she happens to be busy. I liked another girl, but it seems she thinks of me as just a friend.
And I’m still not sure I’m over my ex.
I’ve considered, a few times, going down to the so-called ‘slut’ dorm and trying to whore myself out to a random girl with drugs/alcohol. But I’ve always liked to think I didn’t need to stoop that low.
You’ve gotta lose the banana-flavored ones if you’re hoping to use them within tw years. I can’t claim to speak for all men, but a banana-flavored condom would just make me fall on the floor laughing.
They aren’t serial numbers, exactly. They’re manufacturer plant codes and lot numbers, to assist in tracking bad batches and for general quality control. Each manufacturer will have its own numbering scheme.
It’d be even better if someone fell on the floor because they slipped on a banana-flavored condom.
fetus: Remember what I told you in IRC? Don’t make me come down there.
Seriously, I could give you some advice that’s worked for me every time I’ve tried it.* Get on IRC some time.
*Granted, that’s twice I’ve tried it, but it worked both times
Any doper here that is going to use a grape flavored condom will also likely laugh at the thought of The Grapist. Tell me you wouldn’t… Especially with the act that it involves! :eek:
[old comedy routine of dude dressed like a bum]
I want to let you in on a little secret…condoms have expiration dates on ‘em. Yep. It’s true. I been wearin’ this one for three weeks!"
[/ocroddlab]
OK, maybe it’s funnier on [shit, what’s that BET comedy show I used to watch in college?]
(Boo on me!) I met this other girl at a party but nothing happened because she ended up inviting me and my friends to her house (not knowing I was the guy she had met at a party a few weeks before)…then one of my ‘friends’ (a guy I didn’t even know, he just decided to tag along when me and my friend left the party!) got piss drunk on her vodka and made a fool of himself, passing out and nearly throwing up on her porch. Her roommate called the cops on us and denied her (the girl I knew) existence, and now she won’t answer my phone calls. I met this other girl while waiting in line to buy a class syllabus, but now whenever I call her to ask her to hang out she happens to be busy. I liked another girl, but it seems she thinks of me as just a friend.