Say you find a condom on the counter where your SO has emptied his pockets.
You know that together, you’ve not used a condom in a good year. What is your initial reaction?
I would pick myself up off the floor, where I passed out as a result of over-reacting. Then I would go all Sherlock Holmes. Is the condom old, like it’s been carried around in a wallet or gym bag? Is it some kind of novelty condom? Is he Mr Neat & Tidy or is all his stuff spread out all over the place? Is he the type who’d fool around on you, have a condom left over and then leave it out for you to see?
Then I’d still go ask him ‘what the heck?’ while trying to sound neutral. After that, the ball’s in his court.
I have a friend who found a box of condoms under the seat of her hubby’s truck.
Shit fit ensued. He swore that they weren’t his. (He bought the truck used)
Finally, one of them noticed that the experation date on the box was a year before he bought the truck.
They kissed and made up.
After the initial surprise, I would almost have to assume that Mr. Levins wouldn’t be so stupid as to leave it lying around on the counter top if there was any shady reason for his possession of it.
I would still ask him about it, though, and gauge his guilt from there.
Not to mention I’m trying really hard to think of an innocuous reason for his possession of a condom when he’s one-half of a couple who doesn’t use them, and I’m coming up kind of blank.
a.) Were they handing them out? Somewhere?
b.) Is he the type of weirdo to pick one up if he found one somewhere?
c.) Did he just clean out the car/another wallet/the closet/old clothing, etc.?
None of these hypothetical explanations seems particularly likely, but I’d hold out lots of hope.
This sort of incident brings out important questions of trust and communication in relationships.
Having said that, I hope you don’t mind if I point out that finding a used condom would allow DNA testing and thus proof.
And just go and ask “hey, what’s with the condoms?” In a neutral tone of course.
I wonder if there is a market for expired condoms
All this shows is that the box predates his purchase of the truck. It still doesn’t preclude the possibility that he bought them well before the truck, and then put them under the seat after its purchase. It sounds like the kind of explanation you might want to believe, but it certainly isn’t the only explanation.
I am not the jealous sort, but I would have paid someone to fingerprint the inside of the box, because my BS detector would have been ringing like a mutherfuck.
That happened to me, sort of. I was taking then-DH’s jacket to the cleaner (one he’d gotten after we got engaged) and emptied the pockets. Strip of condoms in the breast pocket. I didn’t recognize them, not the brand we’d ever used before we were married and we hadn’t used condoms in over a year. when asked, he held fast to having them for a date we’d had. I couldn’t think of more than a couple occasions we’d gone out where he’d worn that jacket, he’d had it less than a year. He had no explanation for why we’d have started using condoms again. He just shut his mouth at that point, and since the marriage was in its death throes I never asked again. Personally, I think he had a date on the one New Year’s Eve we were married; he claimed to be going to his folks 5 hours away for that evening to ‘clear his head’ but came home around 4am New Year’s Day claiming he’d changed his mind and turned around. He was moved out for good three weeks later, so…shrug
This is one of the many things that’s kept me out of a decent relationship since; “I can only believe what I see you do w/ my own eyes” does not make a man happy w/ me.
[DNA Lab Tech] Yup, it’s his semen inside it, we are quite sure your husband did not find someone elses used condom, bring it home and leave it on the counter[/DNA]
Odds are, your initial reaction is the correct one, but I can think of a few innocent possibilities:
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He was cleaning out an old glove compartment/office desk/travel bag.
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He was at a record store, club or other place of business, and there was a free condom promotion. (I’ve seen this - either it’s an advertising thig, or a safe-sex deal. If it’s the former, the condom will be in an individual outer package and probably be an upscale or new brand. If the latter, it’d be more generic.)
You put the condom back and pretend you never saw it. Then you check his pockets again a week later and see if the condom is still there. If not, you ask him where it went.
My initial reaction was shock. Cold and to the bone.
Geekguy and I have been living together for almost two years and we have a seven month old baby. I have always trusted him and he’s never given me reason to doubt his love even though we’ve been going through a sort of rough spell, mostly because we’re so damned tired all the time.
Sometimes I’ve wondered if he’s too good to be true, he’s so loving and affectionate and just plain fun. He’s a good man, there’s no doubt.
So I took all this into consideration before I got too hysterical. He emptied his pockets right there on the table, after all. I picked it up, the room started spinning, and I almost hurled right there.
Then I asked what he was doing with a condom.
He laughed and said it was in his old toolbox that he was letting someone borrow (I know this is true, the guy called and asked for some car help that morning). It was the same brand we used to use. It was a bit wrinkled up…didn’t look too fresh.
I still couldn’t help myself though; I won’t say I got hysterical right then, but now I have these stupid doubts. Every time he goes to see his buddies I’m fretting. Every little argument is magnified in my mind. I need to get over this and trust him again. It’s been several weeks since it happened and now it’s this hot little ball in my chest that won’t go away.
Now I’m more afraid this doubt is going to mess things up for me, for us, than I am that he’s cheated on me. 
IANAC but it occurs to me that there would be a certain amount of covering up that would go along with infidelity that is just not demonstrated by allowing a condom to be found. Given it appeared to be old, the explanation came quickly (heh) and jived with facts you already knew I’d say you need to let him hang himself if anything shady’s been going on.
Sounds like the time you have together is good quality. My own marriage fell apart due primarily to fatigue. We both worked too much and didn’t have anything left for each other. Sounds like it’s taking its toll on your relationship as well. If he and your child are important to you, make corrections/adjustments to your schedules to allow more time together. You’ll get a stronger picture of each other which will allow you to believe your assumption that he’s done nothing wrong, and it’ll go a long way toward preventing you drifting apart and letting infidelity happen in the first place. Of course, creeps are creeps, but all of us are human.
I Am Not A Condom?
I’m glad I’m immune to this kind of emotional response to such things. Damn, sexual possessiveness must take years off your lives!
If I found a condom amongst my SO’s stuff, I’d figure it’s decently likely she’s having sex with someone else (since I’m post-vasectomy myself), and then I’d wonder if the walls in the hallway would look better if we painted the trim in a contrasting color. Or I’d start thinking about what we’re having for supper and what to take out of the freezer to thaw.
It depends a lot on what he had been emptying the pockets of. Something he wore a lot? Well, there’s a reason to be concerned. Something he hadn’t wore much? Might be innocent. I’ve got an old coat I’ve rarely worn in recent years except to throw on when shoveling the driveway. Took until the third time I did so in the past year to discover a movie ticket 4 years old in the breast pocket. Condoms are a little bulkier, but if you’ve already got a pocket full of junk…
Unless he’s either routinely cruel or completely thoughtless, though, I think I’d be inclined to go with “there must be a logical reason.” If he left it out like it was no big deal, there’s probably a reason he’d think so. Hopefully you’ll calmly mention it and he’ll calmly give a completely plausable explaination and will amuse you both later on when you look back on the incident.
I’ve never met either of you, but if everything in the relationship is generally OK, when asked about it, he was calm and his story sounds plausible. I think that he isn’t cheating. If he were, he would be far more cautious and squirelly.
Back around the first of the year I helped out with thing for bums, street people, etc in Reno. There was a table where a couple of grandmotherly ladies were passing out condoms. I haven’t used one in 25 years or more and they were bright red so I grabbed a couple to amuse Ms Hook with a some later date.
For months they’ve been lurking in a drawer at the head of the bed, mostly forgotten. Forgotten except everytime I go somewhere and get to thinking about her finding them. Of cours when I get home I forget again.
A few minutes pass…
There, that’s taken care of now. Thanks for saving my ass!!!
“Hey, where did these condoms come from in the garbage?”
or worse…
“Where did those condoms go that were in the drawer? Did you have someone here??”
RGG, it sounds like your man and relationship are quite solid, (and can we get a baby pic?) but I think you’ll feel more secure and trusting after you’re married. What he said sounds like a very plausible and reasonable truth and w/o proof otherwise you’ll only needlessly worry yourself ill about it.
Ladies, please tell me if I overreacted here - When a guy I was dating many years ago & I decided to ‘get physical’ for the first time, I saw he took a condom out of an opened box. Said box was left over from his previous relationship and though old was unexpired. I declined our physicality until we started our own box and this box was thrown away. I remember feeling very strongly about this at the time, like condoms aren’t just a grocery item one stocks in their home but rather has in mind for someone in particular. Unwarranted or understood?