Sayings YOU'd like to see cross stitched

I’m not into cross stitch mainly because I am craft impaired, but mostly due to the fact that all the cross stitched sayings are too perky for my tastes.

These are a couple sayings I think would be great cross stitched:

Right now my life is just one learning experience after another. By the end of the week, I should be a genius.

Smart is when you believe only half of what you hear.
Brilliant is when you know which half to believe.

It’s so simple to be smart. Just think of something stupid to say; then say the opposite.

(and of course, my signature line du jour.)

Anyone else have similar thoughts?

I have never let schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

Gas, Grass, or Ass–Nobody Rides for Free

Dr. J

“Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!” -Dr. Nick Riviera

A sampler I desperately need for my Cubicle O’ Doom:

“A lack of planning on your part does not mean an emergency on mine”.

Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.

To quote: “Stupid is as stupid does.” by Forest Gump
I do like to cross stitch, and I think these sound like great ideas! Hmmmmmmmm…

Life is teaching you some painful lessons. But it is from adversity that strength is born. You may have lost the inning, but I know you’ll win the game.

I’m not arrogant, I’m just better than you

“That which does not kill us only prolongs the inevitable.”

That sampler would look cool next to my wife’s Beanie Baby and Hummel collections.

…send lawyers, guns, and money…

       Warren Zevon

“If I knew then what I know now, I’d still make all the same stupid mistakes”

I used to cross stitch, but have too many unfinished projects…one day I wil finish them…

“Kiss My Ass”

Maybe written in big pink letters surrounded by little light blue flowers?? Yah I would like that!

I’m a wholesale dealin papa, but I retail on the side.-Brownie McGhee

Being a math dork, I want “e raised to i times pi equals -1.”

There, I admitted it.

walks out, hanging head in shame
– Sylence

If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings.

  • Tokugawa Ieyasu

I’d like the entire Page O Flames crosstitched out on a long fabric scroll…
PS why is it called a “sampler”?

“it’s all real”
“I KNEW IT!!!”
O p a l C a t

I have actually crossstitched the following:
I can only please
one person
per day
and today
is not
your fuckind day!

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

I actually spell ‘fucking’ right on the cross stitch.

One I actually saw in cross-stitch or needlepoint - “I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun. Any questions?”

I hate to do cross-stitch 'cause you have to do the damn thing twice (once this way \ and once this way / ), feh, give me needlepoint.

Which reminds me of a needlepoint I saw once - a local bar with a '50s kitch theme (called “Home”) had a needlepoint nudie girl! I can’t imagine who would have done that.

Opal - they’re called samplers because they should have the quote, plus complete alphabet w/ numbers and a variety of patterns or embroidery stiches on the sampler. They were used as teaching tools for beginning needleworkers. I.E. a sample of different stitching tasks.

Life’s a bitch, then you die. So live fast, die young, and leave a flat-headed corpse.

How about:

“God, I HATE cross stitching!”

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown. But it takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

“Religon is believing something that no one in his right mind would believe”
Archie Bunker