When I showed up at my parents’ house married to a man I’d dated for 4 weeks, it was strained but polite. (I’m sure behind my back, they were placing bets on how long it’d last.) Fortunately, they warmed up to him, and it’s lasted nearly 32 years so far.
For my part, to address the OP, depending on who it was, there would be surprise, perhaps some concern, and frankly, I’d be hoping they’d elope because I really don’t enjoy weddings and all the associated stuff. If it was my daughter, even tho she’s 30, I dunno… she’s already made one really bad choice. I keep reminding myself I can’t live her life for her.
If it were my child, and we weren’t estranged - i.e. otherwise in friendly, regular communication - I would be pretty upset. Otherwise, no more than bemused and surprised.
My nephew announced on Facebook that he asked his sweetheart to marry him. I thought it was a gag of some sort, but from the comments everyone else took it seriously. They have two kids, own a home together, etc.
There’s kind of a weird anomaly on FaceBook. Say you have a Facebook account but you never added your relationship status. Then one day you go in and fill out the status as married.
Facebook will then announce to all your friends that you GOT married on that date. A casual friend of mine did this and my reaction was " OMG, Tom got remarried - I didn’t even know he got divorced they seemed so happy". Then a few more friends of mine did the same thing, closer friends, and I figured it out, But it’s weird.
One of my cousins had a whirlwind engagement (engaged within a couple of months of the two of them meeting, though they allowed enough time before the wedding for everyone to make plans). His parents and brother probably got a phone call that he’d met a nice young lady, but they were engaged before anything made it through the grapevine. We were all worried about his hasty decision. But by the next holiday, when they came to visit, the bride was as much a part of the family as if she’d always known us, and they’re now over a decade in with two great children and they work together like a well-oiled machine.
Meanwhile, this cousin’s brother has had two fairly conventional courtships and marriages, both of which have fallen to Springeresque drama, and he’s since given up on the whole concept. He’s a great father to his son (to whom he won custody), but he apparently just simply cannot pick women for the life of him.
This, & then once they decide it will endure they forgot they haven’t told everyone because it’s old to them.
I’ve seen this happen with pregnancies; couple keep it a secret for three months, by then the guy is used to it & forgets who he hasn’t told as it’s old news to him. A obviously pregnant (like 6-7 months) wife shows up at some work event/party & he gets ripped a new one because no one knew.
Except for the social media thing, it was my mom. She just wasn’t much at long distance communication. When they started seeing each other, the folks at their church kept making matchmaking noises and she was feeling a bit over observed. So eventually we all got an I probably better let you know I’m dating since I’m engaged and the wedding is in two weeks letter.
I have a daughter who’s been in and out of sudden engagements so often that I’ve basically stopped noticing or caring. I may ask, “Are you two engaged?” but I don’t really wish to waste emotions on it. “Get back to me when you’ve set a date.”
That was how my first marriage happened; the girl I was dating was a Kiwi, over here on a working holiday visa. It was a semi-serious relationship but not a very long one (I think about 4 months at the time), when we discovered that once her visa expired, there was no way to renew. So, rather than lose her to an expired visa and have to say goodbye when she left the country, I married her.
This was all a bit out of the blue for most of the family and all but our closest friends, but I think they all understood (once they accepted it was a genuine relationship and she wasn’t just paying me to marry her for the citizenship) and were quite happy to accept her.
I did, however, have to have a ‘Hi, Mr _______, you don’t know me and we’ve never spoken before. But I’m going to be marrying your daughter next week’ conversation. Over the phone. That was super awkward. :eek:
To be honest, that’s pretty much how my family operates. I won’t defend it, but there we are.
You know that everyone has a negative opinion of your single status, but they will also have a negative opinion about anyone you start dating, so you say nothing when it’s casual and then aren’t sure exactly when it scaled up in seriousness to warrant telling people about it because now they’ll also be mad that you didn’t say anything earlier. By the time you’re engaged, you know you have to say something or you look like you’re avoiding them, which would be interpreted as a subconscious admission of your poor choice in partners, and besides it’s too late for them to talk you out of it anyway. Thus, they all have to pretend it’s a good choice, at least in front of you. They will, however, criticize your choice behind your back, both with members of your family and members of the fiancee’s family. The fiancee’s family will be freaked out because even though you warned them about your crazy family, they thought you were exaggerating.
You probably think I’m exaggerating, too, but this has happened more than once among my siblings and cousins.
No offense, but I think your family sounds like a psychiatrist’s wet dream.
My family is very much the opposite, but I have interacted with families like that, so I know where you’re coming from. Families can be hard. :rolleyes:
