I'm engaged (yay!)....now what?

Okay, so about a month ago, the SO popped the question, and I said yes. There’s a rather amusing story behind that, but I don’t have time to tell it here…

…wait, this is my thread, and it’s in MPSIMS, so I do. :stuck_out_tongue:

We’d been skirting around the question for a while, and it came up one Sunday morning when he was visiting me at school. We came this close to mutually asking in the middle of Bob Evans, but didn’t.

Later in, in my room, he mentions that he’s nervous about something. I, being worried, ask what it is. He says he doesn’t want to tell me. I ask if it was something I did, or is something going on in his life…all concerned and stuff.

Well, he pops the question. My reactions went something like:

:eek: :smack: :smiley:

(If you couldn’t tell from that little picto-story-thingie, I said yes).

So on that front I’m insanely happy. He’s the greatest guy…and I’m incredibly lucky. And…wow…it’s so weird, especially coming off of my one previous relationship with the 15 year-old emotionally abusive pothead (who, bizarrely enough, I’ve remained friends with).

It’s been great…and it looks like it’s going to continue to be great. Clear sailing.

Dear God, I’m estatic. I just have to say that.

Now, we’d only been together for almost five months at the time–it’ll be six this Sunday–so we agreed that the best course of action would be to discriminatingly tell people. In other words, leaving parents out of the loop for a bit, as well as those “friends” who might not quite have our best interests at heart (though close friends know). Incidentally, I feel comfortable posting about it here, seeing as very few people know my real-life identity, and those who do either already know or wouldn’t give two flying doo-hickies either way.

He’s been increasingly part of my family life over the past month. We went to each other’s Thanksgivings, and we really, really want our parents to meet (his mom and my mom act like they were separated at birth sometimes). We’ll more than likely be discussing Christmas arrangements soon. And…well…

…see, my parents are beginning to suspect. Well, scratch that. My mom flat out knows. She’s my best friend, really, and knows me well enough to know when I’m walking on air. She’d predicted that we’d end up getting married before I’d even told her (needless to say, I told her right after she told me this, and she’s happy for me). My dad, though, also is picking up on it. And I’ve now acquired a gulp ring.

The ring is not exactly a traditional engagement ring, but it is worn on the appropriate finger, and is imbued with the appropriate symbolism. When I come home, the ring is staying on. My dad, odds are, will eventually notice.

Now, here’s the $100,000,000 dollar question: how do I tell my dad?

I’m bursting to tell him. I mean, he’s going to have to find out sometime. And it’s not like I’m going to do something immensely stupid like drop out of school or get pregnant or anything–we’re not getting married until I’ve finished out my four-year (well, three-year with my AP credits) degree. Besides, my dad seems to like my SO.

Thing is…well, this is the same Dad who, when I first started dating my SO, advised me to concurrently date other people so that I could keep my options open. All attempts to explain that that wasn’t how I emotionally worked were fruitless, so I just told him that it would be percieved as slutty, which he understood. I don’t think he wants to see me married for a good, long while.

I don’t know how/if I’m going to be able to explain to him that, yes, I’m 19, but I’m in love, and I know–I know that I’m done looking, that he’s the one.

There’s also the part of me that knows I could lie about the ring. Of course, that would make me feel like shite.

Then again there’s the very large part of me that’s wondering why I’m still worried about what my dad thinks, and that knows that I could get married with or without his permission, seeing as I’m over 18.

So, basically, I’m extremely confused, and I don’t know what to do. I considered posting this in the Pit, but then I realized that really wasn’t the right forum; then I thought about IMHO, but I realized this was probably too semi-ranty and personal. So I figured I’d put it in MPSIMS.

What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?

(I’m still incredibly happy, though <g>)

Dammit, all the good dopers are getting married.

Congrats and all that :slight_smile:

Just wearing the ring would work, with an “Oh, yeah, I’m getting married.” when he asks.

Of course, that’s how I announce all my big decisions (downplayed into idle conversation, not by wearing jewelry).

Are him and his mother dopers? Have to keep the symmetry going…

congrats!!!
:slight_smile:

My best wishes to you! Savor every moment of this time in your life!

I don’t want to be a drag, but maybe you should wait until you are a little bit more emotionally independent of your parents before you actually walk down that aisle.

Are you afraid of your dad’s disapproval or that it will hurt him somehow?

When I was engaged, I told my mother over the phone. Her response was "“Oh no!!” I was thirty years old, for crying out loud! But I didn’t let it bother me. She hadn’t met him and she just didn’t trust my judgment on anything.

We were married for eleven years that were reasonably peaceful. But eventually we did decide to divorce. When I called my mother and told her, she said, “Oh no!!”

You have to keep a sense of humor about these things…

No advice, just congratulations :slight_smile:

Being engaged is rather fun, isn’t it?:wink:

Good luck with the parents, AotL. B’s found out when an AIM convo I accidentally left open popped up when her connection clicked off. But of course they didn’t tell us they knew, so we had to hide it (and, for a short time, the ring) for a bit.

You think you’ve got problems? I don’t even know how to tell my parents I’m dating the man I want to marry.

(Oh, and congratulations! :smiley: )

You’re fifteen. Don’t rush things. Take your time.

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

MAZEL TOV !!! ;j

I’m a Daddy. While the Fem-Bot is yet only just 11, I try to look ahead to the day when she tells me she’s marrying the man or woman she loves. ( I don’t care which, as long as it’s true love ). It’ll be a great moment.

It’ll be a great moment. Remember that HE’S known this day was coming, your whole life. You’ve only known for a few months. He’s got it on ya. :slight_smile: Tell him when you two are alone in the house, or go for a walk alone. That way, nobody is there to filter, adjust, interpret, mediate, nothing. Let it be a loving moment that the two of you share.

-sniffle- god, I love weddings. Mazel Tov again. ( I know you’re not 15. Honest. )

Cartooniverse

Cartooniverse, maybe I’m being whooshed, but I’m pretty sure she’s 19.

Congratulations, AoTL. All my best wishes for your permanent happiness :slight_smile:

Um. Just read the last line of your post. Sorry.

No sweat, my little carbunkle. :wink: All’s good.

My SO and I had been together for 5 months as well. But hey, when you know, you know. My daddy loved him, and I’m sure that when he gets over the shock, your dad will too.

The Boy actually called my dad and asked permission first, so daddy had a bit of warning, and I’m a little older than you, but I’m sure it will be fine.

Of course, as I’m sitting here writing this post, he’s putting on a purple shirt and a bright red paisley tie, so we may have to talk about this marriage thing… :slight_smile:

Well, the way we handled telling Deb’s dad was that we drove over to her folk’s house and I asked for her hand in marriage.

His response was, “She’s a grown woman, ask her, yourself.” (Of course, that we had each been living on our own for eight or ten years before this conversation might have had something to do with it.)

Based on everything you’ve said, I don’t think you have that much to worry about in telling your Dad. He obviously cares about you, and has no problem with your SO. Maybe he will privately believe it’s not the right time for this, but so what? It was your decision to make. Other times when you gave him your reasons for doing things, he accepted your course of action. Why worry now?

Congrats here too. The easy answer to your OP is get married. Beyond that I don’t know.

Oh, man, I was terrified to tell my folks I was getting hitched! And I was 26 and I’d been living with the guy for a year already. And my folks loved him! I knew they’d be thrilled. But still I was terrified.

So, my advice is to do what I did–get the boy to tell 'em. :slight_smile:

Congratulations!

Thanks for all the congrats, everyone…I kind of forgot I’d posted this, so I didn’t respond… :o

Mostly, I’m afraid he’ll retaliate financially. He’s in the position to do so with my tuition, and that would truly suck. Then again, I tend to overestimate his vindictiveness, so who really knows?

Emotionally, though…well, you know, I love the guy, but I’ve given up on worrying whether he approves of what I’m doing or not, since I think the only way I could please him is being an atheistic-nun-engineer ;).

WELL??? Am I the only one wondering how the heck it went down? Did you tell Dad on Christmas Eve? Over the telephone? Did you send your fiancee to do the dirty deed? How was it recieved? When is the wedding? Are we all invited? Do I need to rent a tux, or are shorts and a Hawaiian shirt okay?

We want to know The Straight Dope. :smiley:

Congratualtions!! Here’s hoping your dad doesn’t react too horribly…