Married Dopers poll. re : asking parents.

Just curious as to whether or not you, or your partner asked your partner’s parents / father for your partners hand in marriage. (this poll is supposed to be for anyone who has been in this situation, but the title looked fairly crappy as “married, engaged, divorced, widowed, left at the altar,… dopers poll”) :smiley: No offence meant to those who aren’t currently married, but wish to respond.

My partner didn’t because we were getting married regardless of our parents wishes on the matter, so we felt it kinda rude to ask permission for something we intended on doing no matter what they said. My father had a different opinion, but got over it (just in time to be told that NOBODY was ‘giving’ me away :p)

So, did you ask, or your partner ask ?

Anybody get a “no” but go ahead anyway ?

Any interesting anecdotes ?

My husband only asked me. I don’t think he would have minded asking my father’s permission if I wanted him to. My father loves him and would have shouted YES !

If I had asked his parents permission, they would have said no, They have hated me from the day we met. We got married anyway, they nearly refused to go to the wedding, they only went because they decided it woould look bad if they didn’t go and one of my sister in laws did not go.

We would have gotten married anyway.

My father is not in my life and not invited to the wedding, but if he were, there would have been no asking anyway. The whole idea of asking for anyone else’s permission other than my own to marry me is ridiculous to me. There will be no “giving away of the bride” at the ceremony, either. I don’t belong to anybody but me.

My hubby asked my dad for my hand in marriage. (He also surprised me with a ring. All this after living together, and sharing a checking account, for over three years.) I think my dad was just relieved he was making an honest woman of me - I know my mom was. According to hubby dad’s response was “You’re a picnic.” And something like “Take her, please.” I think dad was worried I’d dump hubby for a rocker or some such other non-conforming individual. :slight_smile:

Spidyreb asked me and I said yes. He didn’t ask either of my parents. They were surprised at first but they are both totally happy and supportive. Hopefully, Spidyreb and I will tie the knot early next year!!!

After I proposed to my wife, I called up her dad and asked him for her hand in marriage.

Comedian that he is, he insisted that I take the whole thing.

No, my husband didn’t ask my father. It was not my father’s permission to give.

(my folks were thrilled, btw. They luuuurrrrve him!)

As far as the walking down the aisle thing–we were both walked down the aisle. I was walked by both my mom and my dad. He was walked by his mom and his grandmother (his dad isn’t in his life.) It’s often done this way at Jewish weddings. Instead of “being given away,” I felt like I was simply escorted by my parents on one of the most important journeys of my life.

Father-in-law #1 asked me to marry his daughter. Father-in-law #2 didn’t know we got married. Never got to meet father-in-law #3.

Looking back, should have said no the FIL #1.

After my wife and I decided to get married we informed our respective parents.

No, My husband didn’t ask. I think it would have been a charming touch, but the guy was nervous enough as it was. If I’d insisted on that, I think we’d still just be dating.

My friend’s husband asked her father first, and he said “Better you than me” (he meant taking care of her the rest of his life) and “I hope you know what’s you’re getting into.” My friend is very high maintenance, but still, gee thanks dad.

My husband talked to my dad before asking me. It wasn’t a “May I have permission to court your daughter?” kind of question like most people seem to think, though. FunLovnCriminal (husband) just said something along the lines of “I am thinking of asking Rez to marry me and I would like to know what you think.” If my dad had said “Absolutely not!” I don’t think it would have stopped my husband from asking anyway. It wouldn’t have stopped me from saying yes. It is more of a courtesy thing in my family, and he knew that about us so he asked. I think my dad expected to be asked.
I was engaged once before and the guy didn’t talk to my dad before hand and I think my dad always kind of resented it. Not the permission part, just being sprung with the idea of a wedding all of a sudden. But that’s just the way things are done in my family. YMMV
And my dad walked me down the aisle and we used the traditional “Who gives this woman?” part. I didn’t feel like it made me any more property than the white dress made me any more of a virgin.

My wife’s father wasn’t in her life, and hadn’t been for many years, so there was no asking him.

But even if there was a father to ask, I don’t believe I would have. The idea of asking anybody’s permission to marry the woman with whom I’d been living for a while didn’t make much sense.

And, at the wedding, since my wife had nobody else to walk up the aisle with, we walked up the aisle together.

Not married myself. but one of my best mates is getting hitched this October. We were only 21 when he got engaged - I had the impression asking the father first was a thing of the past - but he asked anyway. I think it was more to get his opinion, rather than permission per se.

It would have been a little ridiculous in our case, since I was in my thirties and my husband was in his late 20’s. I hadn’t lived with my father since I was 17 and my fiance met my father for the first time about a month before the wedding. I did think it was important for them to meet beforehand. I also met my fiance’s parents a few months before the wedding, after a six-year courtship with no parental involvement.

I didn’t ask Leechboy’s parents permission when I popped the question. They were not surprised as my darling boy had been all set to propose to me the weekend before and then didn’t. Seems he’d put the ring somewhere safe and couldn’t remember where it was :slight_smile: (reminds me why I love him).

Anyways back to the op’s question - no I didn’t ask his parents.

My parents only met Leechboy after we’d gotten engaged (joy’s of a long distance relationship). They pulled me aside after dinner and told me that they approved of him and were happy for the wedding to go ahead. I was kinda surprised but just accepted it.

I proposed to the then future Mrs. Lagomorph, not her father. At the time she was 30 years old with a career and hadn’t lived at home since she was 17, her parents lived 100 miles away and she and I had been living together for a year. It would have made no sense to me to “ask” her father…what was the point? She even suggested it (jokingly, I think) months after we informed all the parents we were going to get married, and I looked at her like she had suddenly grown an extra head.

Her father walked her down the aisle, though. That was her wish.

Mine didn’t, but my sister’s husband asked dad for her hand in marriage. My dad thought that was pretty cool. Of course, he was getting rid of one case of pms from the house, so what man wouldn’t be happy? :wink:

I asked, but only after I had her ‘yes’. I like loading the deck in my favor. :smiley:

Her father’s response? “What does she think about it?” Good man, my FIL.

Like Tranquilis I asked her first and then her dad.

It was quite a shock to all, as we had broken up six months before, but that’s another story…


We sort of asked but not really. We were engaged for a few months before we told anyone, but it was kind of obvious something was up. So when I went to her parents they pretty much knew what was up. It was more like letting them in on what was happening. Her parents like me, thankfully, so it wasn’t a big issue.