Actually, no. The film would be inconceivably boring.
My girlfriend is an avid Scrabble player, and she’s been bugging me for years to serve as her punching bag. I had wisely avoided this until recently, when a sudden fever combined with copious recreational chemicals sufficiently eroded my sensibilities that I agreed to play Scrabble with her one (1) night per week.
Not since the joystick was abandoned for those damnable paddle thingies for video gaming have I so consistently took a shellacking.
The first couple of times were hardly even a challenge for her, but since then I’ve plateaued nicely into the “heartbreaking loss zone.” For example, I recently lost a shootout to her by one (1) point, on the strength of her playing out all her tiles first, and picking up two (2) points from my leftover “I” and “E”. 295-294. Goddamn it.
But not tonight, boys! Oh no. It looked typical in all respects. She went first, and quickly racked up a 60 point lead by midgame. I was hovering between the “Hawaiian word for ‘macadamia’” tilesets consisting entirely of I’s and O’s and the tantalizing “oh so close to a play of such magnificence that it would immediately strike my enemies blind” tileset. I swear to God (he’p me Jeebus if I’m lying one little bit)…I had seven tiles spelling Q-U-I-X-O-T-I-. My girlfriend had recently blocked the last long run to a free C. I think I had to settle for 4 points by using my O to spell “no” and “on” in a corner.
But suddenly I spied a few lucky breaks. I was able to score 50 points on a Q word and an intersection with a double word score box, followed by a lucky draw of a blank tile, with which I was able to carry a Q word into the triple word score corner (36 points,) as well as a few other ones.
Final score? 310-274, baby. Aw hell yeah. Woulda had 315, except that she caught me flatfooted with a Y and a vowel.
I’m sure 300 is no biggie for some of you bastards, but it’s definitely a milestone in more than one way for me.