Since it’s starting to get cooler, it was time to take the screen out of our screen door. Some screen doors have half and half, screen and glass, and some have the glass that slides down out of the way of the screen so you don’t have to change anything out, it’s all just right there in the door, but not our door. Our screen door is a big frame for the screen and you have the choice of the actual screen for the screen door, or a big plate of glass. Either/ Or.
You’d think it would be pretty straight-forward, changing out the glass for the screen. And it sorta was. Only it wasn’t. It was one of those jobs. To get the screen out, you have to take two big plastic screen-holder-inner pieces out of the door frame and then back out the four (three now since one is broken- but I didn’t break it my own self) springy screen clips and the screen pretty much falls out of the frame. I was pretty solid on that part because I remembered from this spring when I took the glass out and put the screen in. I didn’t do anything with the screen door the year before because it was just our first year in the house and I didn’t want to break the door first thing. I thought I’d wait a year.
So the screen was out, no prob. Then it was time to get the glass in. If you looked at the door, it looked like there was a track for the glass to slide in and then you wiggle the other side in and then put in the two big plastic screen-holder-inner (which does double duty for the glass) pieces back in and ka-zamie! you’re all done. You’d think that, but you’d be wrong. The glass does NOT go in the track AT ALL. Even though it looks like it should. It just sorta wedges into the frame. And you can’t just push it in, no, no, no. You have to start from the bottom and wiggle it in so it’s tight and then work up the glass on both sides, pushing it into the frame so it’s all flush. Then you use the two big plastic screen (and glass!)-holder-inner pieces.
The job also goes much smoother if you have a helper or two. Preferably the type of helper that says “What you really want to do here is change out your whole screen door. Luckily I have one in my truck I’ll give you for free! And I really feel like pulling out an old screen door and putting one in right now, so just hold that screwdriver and I’ll be right back with your new door.” I did not have that sort of help.
I did have a Learning Experience. I learned why you don’t see strappy, open-toed work boots. If you’re, say, changing the screen in your door for a glass sheet and the glass would, say, to slip out of the frame and land on your foot, if you were wearing strappy, open-toed work boots you’d chop off half your foot. If you were just wearing some sneakers it would just hurt a touch and you’d say “golly, but that was unpleasant” (to paraphrase). But the screen is out of the door and the glass is in for the winter. And the door opens and everything.
It didn’t open right after I put the glass in. It wasn’t my fault, I didn’t do nuthin’! But I took the whole thing apart, glass, handle, latch and all, and fixed the bad boy right up. You know what kind of helper you need for a job like that? One that knows how to stick the handle back in the door latch to open the door when the wind takes it and slams it shut and you have no way back into the house other than through the garage and then all the way through the house. I didn’t have that kind of help either. But the important thing is it works now. RIGHT NOW it works. Tomorrow? Who knows?
You know where you don’t see too many screen doors? Forbidding castles looming over rustic villages. Can you see it, talking to the builder?
“What’s this then?”
“A screen door.”
“But I didn’t ask for a screen door, I asked for more of the Dread Portal.”
“Did you, now?”
“Yes I did. I know it was on the plans because I paid extra for the Dread Portal.”
“So you don’t want the screen door left on too? It’s give you a nice breeze come spring.”
“I am totally sure. I want one Dread Portal and no screen door.”
“OK, sure. It’s your castle. But when you have to prop your Dread Portal open with a brick and the bugs come right in, don’t think you’ll just be calling me to pop back out and put the screen door back up. I’ll have to charge you a fee to come out on top of the materials and labor.”
“That’s fine, just get rid of the screen door and put in the Dread Portal!”
“Would you like me to paint it red?”
“What?”
“The Dread Portal. Would you like me to paint it red for you?”
“Why would I want my Dread Portal painted red?”
“For the feng. It makes it more shui if you paint your front door red.”
“Arrrrrgh!”
"So that’s a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ then?’
I’m glad I’m not having a forbidding castle built to loom over a rustic village built for me. I think the contractors would make me crazy.
-Rue.
