Screw it! I'm going to be immodest. -or- In your face, any poet except Maya Angelou!

I was taught that bragging was unseemly and my inlaws were unimpressed but thousands of readers of “thrillers” (didn’t know anybody still called them that) and millions of TV viewers may bow down before my magnificence:

I have received an acknowledgement in Kathy Reichs’ new novel, Ashes to Bones. Dactylic hexameter is the worst meter to write in, especially when one is trying to sound like a French-Canadian writing in English. And my research means that, if I ever want to again use Internet Explorer, I need to both buy a new computer and burn the one I have, but it is worth it because, next Sunday, I will have a NYT Bestseller! Already, today, I had to rearrange the few copies left at my local Barnes & Noble because all but four copies had been sold.

My daughter says I’m a character, too. French-Canadian, but I can live with that. :wink:

Short version: I saw Fox was making a series loosely based on the life and books of one Dr Kathy Reichs. I said, “That name’s familiar!” and a glance at her resume caused me to email her, asking, “Were you my Bones prof in the fall of '74?” From there I became her internet flunky, answering questions (and demands) from “How can a kiddie porn fan hide his tracks?” to “Write a poem by someone who loved Longfellow’s ‘Evangeline.’” to “What’s wrong with my Blackberry?”

However, because I’m totally shallow, if you wonder why I remembered her so well after so many years, I refer you to the picture on the back of the book, which you have already determined to buy, and ask you to imagine her 30 years younger. She was memorable. :eek:

Consider this a shameless bump.

Consider this a shameless “huh?”

You had the hots for a teacher 30 years ago. You noticed her name on TV. You called her up to ask if it was her. You helped her pedophile fans hide their browser history from their ignorant spouses. She’s now written a book and is thanking you. Do I have that right?

So, where do Maya Angelou, Internet Explorer and a 2005 television series come into it?

Said series won its slot in 2006 and 2007 and I’m the crappy poet she uses in her (it’s only a matter of time, since the previous ones were) bestseller. Beat that, saleswise. :stuck_out_tongue:

And, as we have no qualms about congratulating members whose books reach no higher than 10,000 on the bestseller lists, I felt I could brag. A second :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m still not following you. What does Maya Angelou have to do with it? Why do you need to stop using Internet Explorer (not that that is a bad idea in general) or get a new computer? What does the TV series have to do with it? How could she teach you about that series 31 years before it aired?

  1. No poet except Angelou, regardless of their qualifications (I have none), makes the NYT Bestsellers without Oprah’s intervention. It hasn’t yet, but it will, and, though mine is only a small and crappy part, it’s still a part.

  2. Try investigating kiddie porn and see how long IE stays useable.

  3. The TV series connects with the book series. Poorly, but its fans overlap.

  4. Bite me. When was the last book YOU had anything to do with was a bestseller? :smiley:

Forget it, PG. It’s poet-town.

Worse yet, Bri, it’s BAD Poet Town. But one that sells well.

At this point, you’re not only congratulating yourself for something explained in a deliberately incoherent fashion, you’re congratulating yourself for explaining it in a deliberately incoherent fashion, and I’m outta here.

And I’ve never actually watched a whole episode of Bones. The lead actress is smokin’ hot, but the sloppy science and her character’s waves of palpable bitchiness drive me away before the first commercial break.

That is exciting dropzone!

Ooh! You go.

I, um, haven’t sold that many.

But you do know that means I have waaaay more snooty poet cred, don’t you? I can sniff at your involvement with… POPular FICtion and adjust my turtleneck. :smiley:

OK, I’m confused. What exactly is the nature of your relationship with this soon to be bestseller?

Are you acknowledged in the opening credits as having helped Reich?

Is a character in the book based on you? Has Reich publicly acknowledged that?

Is there a running character in her books that has just been acknowledged as based on you?

Does the character based on you, if such exists, exist in the Bones TV series? If so, who’s playing you?

I’m all for giving you props, but as others have indicated, it would help to know what for.

I think, unless I am mistaken, that Kathy Reichs needed a character in her newest book to write a poem. The character was French Canadian writing in English. She subcontracted the actual writing of the poem to dropzone. The published novel, which is likely to be a bestseller, thus contains dropzone’s poetry.

Porn has nothing to do with it, aside from being a previous subject for research done on behalf of Reichs.

Does that about cover it?

He wrote a poem (in dactylic hexameter! Whew!) for the author to include as something a French-Canadian fan of Longfellow’s poem “Evangeline” would write.

He also did other dogsbody work for the author.

By his poem being included in what will be a bestseller, he will have outsold the vast majority of poets combined.

And when he’s rich and famous, I will translate all of his Doper posts for a small fee. :smiley:

OK, that makes sense.

Whereas this doesn’t. What are you referring to?

Makes sense. Therefore I happily congratulate Dropzone on his success!

Dirty pictures. I’d think you, of all people, would understand that. :wink:

dropzone, You’re a nice guy, and I’m glad that this cool thing has happened for you. Congratulations!

But man, if that wasn’t the most incoherent OP I’ve seen yet on this board, and from an SDSAB member no less! :stuck_out_tongue:

I get it know, thanks to the help of a few other posters in the thread. But when I read your OP, it was like hearing a randomly-chosen 5 minute excerpt from an hour long discussion. The post itself reads well, but it delivers its points in a jumbled manner, that gives the sensation of missing some key piece of context at first.

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who was confused by the OP. I just hope that isn’t how my posts read to other people. :smiley:

Heh. You can’t blame **drop ** too much for the incoherency of the post. He sort of posted this on LJ first, while avoiding any mention of the author or the novel, and has apparently cannibalized that post for this one.

Congrats, dropzone! She’s one of my favorite authors.