Yep. Over here, if a man and woman on a “date” are roughly equals (both having a job, for instance) it doesn’t matter who asks who out: the check is either split or each pays his own.
But then again, Dutch women are notoriously bossy. No culture’s perfect, I guess ;).
I know a guy who is 50-ish, and still looking. He’s built himself up quite a nice sized bank account. And now he’s absolutely paranoid that women only want him for his money. In all fairness, that’s about all he has to offer… but anyway.
He puts ads in the personals, to the effect of:
“bla bla bla looking for single white female 30-45. Must be physically fit, non-smoker, no children, no baggage. Most importantly, must understand that marriage is a business agreement. Must provide full credit-check, from Equifax. Must be willing to pay her share of everything, including the dinner and entertainment fees on the first date.”
Though I agree that it shouldn’t be taken for granted, I do think this guy takes it to the extreme. I’m not a golddigger, by any means, but that ad would have put me right off. Not even a second glance. On second thought, it would have gotten more than a second glance from me. The second glance would be to make sure I’m reading right. The next ones would be when I call my friends, read it to them, and share a laugh.
Sorry, that was me, mhendo. To summarize the column, I added “give to the giver” in there. So originally the quote used, indeed, four words.
And no, I generally would not advice anyone taking relationship advice from that forum. But it is a very interesting forum, when a girl is curious what some (not the happiest with women, in general) guys are really thinking about the dating thing.
The frustration, hurt and indignation is almost tangible, at times.
Jeezus. No wonder he’s single. Does he get ANY dates from that ad??
Maastricht, I like your description of Dutch women. They may be bossy, but at least they don’t get pushed around, something I dislike e3ven more.
And “The ite Report on Male Sexuality” has a lot of info on what men really think of women and men’s sex lives with them too, though it’s a bit out of date. I found a used copy for $4, and it’s a fascinating read.
Dude, you had your warning sign on the very first date. She told you, flat-out, that when she goes out with a man she never pays for dinner. That’s your big, red, flashing neon warning sign right there, and you apparently chose to ignore it. You chose to go to dinner with her knowing that she never pays for dinner, so what did you expect to happen?
Her attitude is utterly contemptible, but I don’t see that she was the only to blame for this little scenario.
Actually, he gets a few calls. I haven’t heard of him going on any dates though. I suspect the calls are to see if this guy is for real. The funny thing is, he swears that not getting any calls is PROOF that women are out for money.
Another quick anecdote: A while back, I found out that the man I had met who was PERFECT for me in every way, was married. My “personal ad friend” said, “Well that’s your own fault. You should have staked out his house.” Demanding further explanation on how this would be my fault, he suggested that it would have been useful to rent a car (so I’m not recognized) and park somewhere near the guy’s house for 24 hours. I was to stay awake with coffee and watch with binoculars. When it was dark out, if I felt the coast was clear, I should have gone up to his house and listened to see if I could hear a female voice from his windows.
I told him that it was absolutely absurd. If I caught any guy doing that to me, that would be the end right there. To which he replied, “Then keep looking for trouble and it will find you.”
:smack: Thankfully, I’m engaged to a nice man (who pays for my dinners, but isn’t offended when I offer the same back) without having to use surveillance equipment.
Your friend sounds like he’s shooting himself in the foot with that ad. I’d be scared to see who would seriously answer it. A cynic of the worst degree, at best, methinks. Even if a woman wasn’t a golddigger, chances are, she wouldn’t answer because it makes him look like a jaded, cynical, humorless dolt.
I think the only type of woman that would would be remotely interested in someone like that would be someone who is just looking for financial security and/or a family. Which he’d know immediately. Which would in turn complete the nice, tidy, vicious cycle he’s made for himself.
Yeah good question. 'Cause as far as Golddigger (GD) goes, everything went hunky dory. She just may call back. This is my suggestion for future contact:
GD: Hi! Long time no speak, what’s new?
Val: Same shit different day, how are you?
GD: I’m doing pretty good. Bla bla bla happened and what’s her face did xyz, so abc.
Val: Yeah, I know the feeling.
GD: So I was wondering if you were up to having dinner at LMNOP on Thursday night?
Val: No offense, but is your fridge empty?
GD: No, why do you ask?
Val: I’m just wondering if you have 7 men lined up for a decent meal, every night of the week. If you’re having money troubles, I can refer you to a credit councellor.
GD: WTF?
Val: Well it seems that you see me as your meal ticket. It seems that you feel it’s a reasonable fee to pay for your company. You know what they call women who charge for their company, don’t you? I was really looking for an equal, who was interested in me. Further down the line, I was hoping for a partner. You invited ME out and still expected me to pay for dinner. You laughed in my face at the thought of you paying at all. I’m just wondering, do you get Meals On Wheels to deliver lunches?
GD: Well, I’ve NEVER!..
Val: And you never will honey. You’re THAT see-through. Nice knowin’ ya. I count my lucky stars it only took me 2 dinners to see what kind of woman you are. I’m not looking for a dependent. I’m looking for a partner. Good luck in your search for a sugar daddy. I’m not him. Bye.
I sent her an email last night when I got home to the effect of “You seem to think of me as a meal ticket to be taken advantage of, I’m pretty angry and don’t trust your motives. Let’s not see each other again.”
Her response, in total:
“I couldn’t agree with you more.”
Wonderful example of good bye and good riddance to bad trash.
CheekyMonkey - I like the idea and definitely got a laugh out of it however I seriously doubt that there will be any further communication with her. No loss.
Her exact words. Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? OK, I have to be accurate, I did fix her spelling mistakes
Jeezus, wouldn’t that be a helluva twosome? I’m sure that she’d bring a credit report if he’d agree to pay for it.
What’s funny was talking to a female friend about this. She could see somebody expecting the guy to pay in general (not agreeing with GD’s actions, just acknowledging that some women do still feel that way) but the bit about inviting me out expecting me to pay and actually laughing at the suggestion of splitting the bill both blew her mind. She couldn’t fathom what sort of person would do that (without resorting to some very unladylike words).
My best guess is that she honestly has no idea why anyone might be offended by her actions. Just brought up to expect that and now accustomed to it. Here’s a quarter, why don’t you call 1-800-GET-A-CLUE?
Oh, God, Valgard I have to say, I’m still amazed at it all—but the laughter and her attempt to be on top of the situation with that email response just boggles the mind. She laughed at the concept! I can’t get over the sense of entitlement she must feel. Like, you know, meeting a sweet guy isn’t so much a fun thing as extorting money out of him.
We must get these two little lovebirds together. We simply have to. Her idea of foreplay is fondling his checkbook; and so is his! It’s a perfect match, and they don’t wreck two other people.