Screw you, you golddigger

The BBQ Pit
41

Flashback:

When I was in grade 11, I asked a guy to the prom, and he turned me down :(. Being the needy, insecure loser I was, I kept asking him why. He never gave an answer; just kept hedging.

Later, someone told me that his reason was, he couldn’t afford it. :confused: It had seemed like such a given to me that since I was the one asking, I would be the one paying, it hadn’t occurred to me to say, “And I’ll pay for everything!”.

I never attempted to clear up this misunderstanding (if it was one). A, though prom hadn’t happened yet, I felt it was too late for me to go back and say, “Hey, listen…”, and B, that might not have been his real reason. Maybe the person who told me that had been trying to spare my feelings by not telling me what he did say. And C, I just couldn’t believe that he would think I was that tacky—that I would basically shake him down for $200 or whatever he would have spent.

Had he accepted, I wouldn’t have been able to afford the whole nine, with the limo and everything. But I would have gotten the ticket, the dinner, and any other incidentals. All he would have had to do was get a tux, and a corsage for me. As far as I knew, he wasn’t in such financial straits that he couldn’t even have afforded that. And silly old me thought that we were good enough friends that he would have been willing to sacrifice that much for me.

But obviously we weren’t as good friends as I thought we were, if he didn’t think I was worth that much. And, assuming money really was the obstacle, that he couldn’t communicate that. If he had, I would have told him not to worry.

But he didn’t. And I didn’t go to prom at all. :frowning:

42

Email every man you know to warn them about her. Make sure you quote her as well.

43

I’m kind of saddened by Rilchiam’s flashback, because it sort of reminds me of a conversation I recently had with a friend. A long time ago, he was in a relationship with a particular woman, and she finally dropped him—she said—because she finally had her Ph.D., and she didn’t need him any more. (He’s a Ph.D., too.) They were together eleven years. He’s an awfully nice guy, utterly trustworthy, and I talk with him not just every day but several times a day. It’s pretty much a tell-him-everything type of friendship.

You know, Valguard what did that email look like before you ‘corrected’ it?

44

I’m just praying that somewhere out there there’s a guy who’s ‘George Costanza’ enough to excuse himself to the loo half way through dinner, call a cab, and ditch her with the full check. I don’t know if that witch will melt in dish water, but it would be worth it to find out.

What do you think, Valguard? Is she worth setting up?

45

Eek. Good riddance indeed.

See, I don’t get these people. Should I go on a date, I make sure I have enough on me to cover my share. I make a GENUINE offer to cover my share. If the man insists on paying, at that point, I let him. But I wouldn’t stick somebody unexpectedly with the bill, especially right at first. Hell, I didn’t even do that to my ex-fiance after he WAS my fiance.

I’m not saying I’m a wonderful superior human being, but what the fuck happened to a little decency???

46

I’m another single female checking in to say that the woman (she definitely isn’t a lady) in the OP is trashy. I (and most of my single friends) make a point of paying a fair share in a relationship. If a guy is old-fashioned about not splitting the check, I’ll get sneaky and start inviting him to home-cooked meals or happen to have tickets for a concert or whatever already purchased. :slight_smile:

47

I only date women that I’m having sex with so I don’t have this problem.

48

ok, whoa. Girls like GD frighten and sadden me. Seriously. She must have quite a rack, or she must hang with some pretty desperate dudes (Not YOU,
Vangard)

Another prom story: I was invited to the prom by a guy I was friends with for a year. We get to dinner and it turned out he expected me to pay for my own dinner. I was surprised, to say the least. I was prepared for just such an emergency, so no harm done. But I was just taken aback. If you ask, you pay. I thought everyone got that.

49

Well, when I go out on a date with The Girlfriend™, I usually end up paying for most stuff.

Of course, this is mainly due to the fact that she’s still in college (1 semester left), whereas I have been out of college and employed at a Real Job for going on three years. I know she doesn’t have much money right now, so I don’t expect her to pay for our dates. She will pick up the occasional check, generally over my (slight) protests.

Once she gets a Real Job, I suppose we’ll end up splitting the date expenses a bit more evenly.

As to the OP’s situation, my general rule of thumb:
On the first date, whoever did the asking does the paying.
On subsequent dates, if one person specifically asks/suggests the activity, they should expect to pay for most or all of the cost. If the decision on the date activity is arrived at mutually, the costs will probably be split as well.
Ergo, the OP should have paid for the first date, Golddigger should’ve paid for the second date.

50

As I’m reading through this thread, my reactions can be noted almost exclusively by the use of smilies: :eek: :confused: :eek: :eek: :rolleyes: :confused: :eek: :eek: :confused: :wally :eek: :smack: :rolleyes: Please note that the smilies are not necessarily in the correct order, but mostly I’m dropping my jaw and rolling my eyes.

I really thought that most of us had evolved past all this rubbish.

51

Margin -

Minor stuff. She didn’t spell “couldn’t” correctly, doubtless due to the incredible pangs of guilt she was feeling. Oh wait, that’s probably not true at all :slight_smile:

Everyone else -

Agreed, in general. Like Lynn said, haven’t we all kinda grown beyond this sort of thing? I think I’ve got a pretty commonsense attitude about dating, if I suggest dinner (at least on that First Date) then I’m pretty much volunteering to pay, and sometimes I’ll even say “How about I take you out for dinner” or something. On subsequent dates if it’s her suggestion I will certainly have enough on me to cover my share and I’ll offer to split the check (and I don’t get offended whether she accepts that offer or not) but I won’t be expecting that she’s expecting me to pay every time. And likewise just because I suggest that we get together for lunch it isn’t an offer of a free meal.

Obvious exceptions if she’s in tight financial straights (between jobs or in grad school or whatever).

ThatDuckIsEvil -

No offense taken :slight_smile: Never got a good look at her boobs (and I’m not a Great Big Hooter fan but that’s a Great Debate isn’t it?) but frankly there’s no body worth putting up with that kind of personality.

52

I’m just shocked at her attidude. Even if money’s tight, she didn’t have to take you to a restaurant, she could have just invited you over and ordered in Chinese or something. I’m not in the best financial shape, but when I invite someone, I expect to pay or split the check. The inviter is the host and the invitee is the guest. Often times, when my boyfriend and I went to a movie and got carryout dinner, he’d pay for the tickets and I’d pay for the food (occasionally over his protestations).

53

I’m the descendant of the Dutch colonists that settled in America in the 1600s. My father always told me that the term “Dutch Treat” was one invented by the English after that little trouble over New Amsterdam, as were other terms not considered complimentary or honest, like Dutch courage that isn’t courage, and Dutch pink that isn’t pink. From what I know of Dutch people this doesn’t seem at all fair.

54

As a girlie someone who has occasionally paid the whole bill during a date, this woman disgusts me.

I’ve also been the unwilling recipient of a free dinner – a dear old friend of mine once asked me to his favorite restaurant, a lovely vegetarian place near the University. I figured hey, we’ve been friends for three years now, this is just a nice dinner, right?

He pulled out my chair, ordered the wine, and refused to allow me to pay my bill. :smack:

Terminally sweet guy, but I went through that whole dinner tense. Food was great, though. :smiley:

55

Women like that ruin it for the rest of us. I never EXPECT or DEMAND my SO pay for everything, how rude! It doesn’t matter if she’s God gift to men, that attitude makes her ugly as sin. I seriously hate women like that, what a 14-carat bitch!

56

It’s not only dates. I have two cousins that seem to believe that I am a walking wallet. Even when I had gone trough dire straits, to the point of almost missing a mortgage payment they would invite me out and in most cases (one or two exceptions that I remember) expect me to pay for everything. Needless to say I am always busy when they suggest we go out.

Around here is not so strange that a guy pays (most men seem offended if you suggest to split the bill), but when I invited a guy out at least I insisted on paying, most times they didn’t allow me, in which case I made sure I either invited them at a later date for a meal at my own house or I made them a small gift.

Now that I am married my husband always pays. After all he’s paying with our money, so it doesn’t matter who carries the money.

And I agree with everybody else that it was a good thing it happened on the second date. No need to waste perfectly good food on her.

57

I’ve gotten one good piece of info from this thread. (I know, that’s a bad habit in the Pit, oh well.)

I’ve finally pinned down the social convention that on a first date I should expect to pay for the date, and decline the lady’s first offer to split the bill. If the lady happens to have invited me on the date, I should insist on covering my share.

Just to check: Is that the current convention, here in the US?