[QUOTE=Zabali_Clawbane]
PUT ME ON FUCKING IGNORE ALREADY!
[/QUOTE]
I’m pretty sure that’s what your kids are going to do to you when you’re old and crapping your pants and the pervert at the discount nursing home is feeling you up at night.
[QUOTE=nameless]
Am I missing something?
[/QUOTE]
Not really. Though, did you see the topic discussing vintage television shows, or the topic discussing how to make a flavorful sandwich? 
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
I’m pretty sure that’s what your kids are going to do to you when you’re old and crapping your pants and the pervert at the discount nursing home is feeling you up at night.
[/QUOTE]
That’d be hard to do, since I have no living children. :dubious:
[QUOTE=Zabali_Clawbane]
That’d be hard to do, since I have no living children. :dubious:
[/QUOTE]
Whoo, thank goodness. But you apparently feel you should treat people like crap so I’m sure someone will return the favor one day when you’re too old for any one to stand up for you.
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
How you treat your kids now is how they’re going to treat you when you’re old and decrepit. Tables have a way of turning. kambuckta, good luck when your slave has to take care of you.
[/QUOTE]
Maybe she’s saving up all her 'please’s and 'thank-you’s for that time. Because if this is the way she treats people now, she’ll sure be groveling when things change.
Hopefully, daughter is perfecting her ‘TEH PISSED-OFF-DAUGHTER LOOK’. And daughter has probably already perfected the whole condescending rude routine she grew up with. Humble pie. How sweet it is!
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
Whoo, thank goodness.
[/QUOTE]
Hey, that’s uncalled for. Don’t make me regret posting in your defense.
[QUOTE=kambuckta]
Since her return,… she has not contributed in any way, shape or form towards cooking, cleaning, shopping, or pet care (one of them is HER cat who is in convalescence from a major accident btw) …
[/QUOTE]
I really cannot understand why anyone would defend your daughter, at least in the Pit.
She’s an adult; she has responsibilities.
She’s your child; she can respect you or live somewhere else.
It’s your house; that’s trumps.
For fuck’s sake. Yes, Please, and Thank You, are the lubrication that makes society more harmonious. BUT, that does not give the person who has slacked off and not contributed to “household society” the right to demand such lubrication WHEN THEY ARE ALREADY GRITTING UP THE WORKS WITH THEIR INACTION! I’m sure, if the OP’s daughter came to her, like an adult, and spoke to her and said “I don’t feel you are giving me the courtesy that is my due.” she’d take it seriously and work with her daughter. BUT right now, the OP’s daughter is rather hypocritcal, because she isn’t giving her mother the respect that is her due, by helping the household run more smoothly. (Not to mention the fact that she pointed out that a person was being rude to their face, and this just Isn’t Done. Leaving out that one can be polite without using the specific words, and I don’t think she was rude at all, the daughter felt she was owed a courtesy. Copping such an attitude with an Elder, Just Isn’t Done either.) She’s making more household work by being there, she should pitch in. This is something my mother taught me. My mother, who was born in 1932, whose father was born in 1904 and was raised by late Victorians. (He had a lot of older siblings) This is what her father taught her, and what they both taught me. Do not presume to think that I have no manners.
[QUOTE=Zabali_Clawbane]
Fuck you, and bite me asshole.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Zabali_Clawbane]
Do not presume to think that I have no manners.
[/quote]
You were saying? :dubious:
[QUOTE=kambuckta]
Since her return, she has paid a minimal ‘board and lodging’ which for the most part has been done willingly and without nagging from me. However, she has not contributed in any way, shape or form towards cooking, cleaning, shopping, or pet care (one of them is HER cat who is in convalescence from a major accident btw) But today, with both of us home AT THE SAME TIME (a bit of a rare occurence on a Sunday) I asked her to share in some chores…just one…empty the dishwasher.
She got a bit huffy, and asked me to say ‘Please’.
*Please?? *** No fucken’ please about it. Just do it. Why the fuck should I need to say ‘please’. ** Please is something I reserve for those who I am asking favours of. I am not asking you a favour: it is something that should NOT even need asking, and should be done as a matter of course. You’re an adult sharing a house with two other adults, one of whom happens to be your mother. You SHOULD just do stuff without being asked, and especially without having to add the ‘please’ rider.
[/QUOTE]
First of all, did you, in fact, ask her to empty the dishwasher? Or did you tell her to, as if issuing an order?
Anyway, I disagree with your analysis of the situation. For her to contribute in some substantial way to household duties is not asking a favor, but for her to do that specific thing at that specific time, is. If she had been contributing all along, for you to leave out the “please” when asking her to do something would have been rude and uncivil of you. Since she hadn’t, there’s more involved than just the dishwasher thing. You never should have let it get to that point; you should long ago have had a talk with her about what contributions she would be expected to make while living in your house.
In general, I’m an advocate of using “please” and “thank you,” even with people one has a certain claim over, like one’s children or one’s employees—at least on the first or second request. It just helps stave off the contempt that familiarity breeds, sets a good example, and makes things pleasanter all around.
(ETA: Replying to Carol Stream) I’ve adapted, and learned to loosen up some, since most people don’t practice manners as I was taught them. That, and my father taught me I was worth as much as any man, and to give as good as I got in cases when males decide to be jerks. I was taught not to tolerate that kind of thing, and that it is ok sometimes to “bite back”.
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink]
<snip>In general, I’m an advocate of using “please” and “thank you,” even with people one has a certain claim over, like one’s children or one’s employees—at least on the first or second request. It just helps stave off the contempt that familiarity breeds, sets a good example, and makes things pleasanter all around.
[/QUOTE]
Of course, however can you say that in the situation as described that you would be scrupulously polite? Or, would you have to work a little not to let the grumpy “Why am I even having to request this of you, I raised you better than this” tone show through, and maintain a neutrally civil tone while making the request? The OP is human, and humans aren’t always polite.
[QUOTE=Carol Stream]
You were saying? :dubious:
[/QUOTE]
You’re kidding, right? I can say “fuck you” with the absolute best of them, while being so polite to any and everyone that I’m often described as a doormat. Most people are allowed to get angry whenever they feel attacked and I don’t think expressing that on an internet message board is all the serious an infraction of one’s manners.
As to the OP, my mom pretty much hates me all the time, but when I’ve been on extended stay at her house, I’ve been expected to do my share of the regular chores PLUS she always prefaces her requests with a “please.” She doesn’t always remember the “thank you,” but I never fail to do both because it would never occur to me otherwise.
For those reading along, please consider this response.
Thank you in advance.
[QUOTE=Zabali_Clawbane]
(ETA: Replying to Carol Stream) I’ve adapted, and learned to loosen up some, since most people don’t practice manners as I was taught them. That, and my father taught me I was worth as much as any man, and to give as good as I got in cases when males decide to be jerks. I was taught not to tolerate that kind of thing, and that it is ok sometimes to “bite back”.
[/QUOTE]
When did men become the jerks in this thread? Issues, much?
The point isn’t that she didn’t say “please” to her daughter, it’s that her daughter made a smartass remark about it as if to correct her mother. Where I come from that will get you in big trouble.
[QUOTE=Zabali_Clawbane]
(ETA: Replying to Carol Stream) That, and my father taught me I was worth as much as any man, and to give as good as I got in cases when males decide to be jerks. I was taught not to tolerate that kind of thing, and that it is ok sometimes to “bite back”.
[/QUOTE]
What in the flying fuck does that have to do with anything. This reads like a clip from Oprah. Believe it or not even some women here think you’re being an unreasonable bitch.
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
When did men become the jerks in this thread? Issues, much?
[/QUOTE]
When they come into a topic out of the blue, and call me a bitch when I wasn’t even talking to them, that’s when.
[QUOTE=Indygrrl]
The point isn’t that she didn’t say “please” to her daughter, it’s that her daughter made a smartass remark about it as if to correct her mother.
[/QUOTE]
I missed that part of the OP. Care to point out to me where exactly what the daughter said was quoted?
[QUOTE=SamuelP.]
What in the flying fuck does that have to do with anything. This reads like a clip from Oprah. Believe it or not even some women here think you’re being an unreasonable bitch.
[/QUOTE]
Read the rest of my posts, take a few minutes, think over what I said, then get back to me. I’m not being the least bit unreasonable. I hold to the idea that, if you live in a household, you should contribute to keeping it clean and pleasant. Mitigating factors are if there is a large difference in hours worked (one person works 40 hour weeks, the other 90 hour weeks, the person who is home more should do more chores) if all adults work, health/age etc.
[QUOTE=Q.E.D.]
I missed that part of the OP. Care to point out to me where exactly what the daughter said was quoted?
[/QUOTE]
Well, whether or not she said a smartass comment, she “got huffy” which implies copping an attitude. Don’t you agree, that isn’t nice either? If, say you and I are at a table together, and you say to me “Pass the potatoes” and I say “Hmph, say please first.” while refusing to pass the potatoes to you until you do so, doesn’t that make me ruder than you? That’s what happened in the OP.