Mrs. HeyHomie is always being invited to these “parties” where someone is trying to sell you something. Tupperware, craft supplies (like scrapbooking supplies, stamping supplies, etc.), sex toys, etc. Furthermore, she’s been known to host a party or two (although never a sex toy party :eek: ).
Obviously, my better half doesn’t have a problem with this.
However, how do the rest of you feel about this? Do you resent being invited to such a party, as such an invite is nothing more than an attempt to get some money out of you? Or do you feel that it’s just another fun social thing to add to your calendar?
Mrs. HeyHomie has asked me to invite the women I work with to her upcoming stamping supplies party. I’m a little leary.
I don’t resent being invited to them, but I do feel obligated to buy something. I haven’t been invited to one in years, though. I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do associating with people who aren’t really into that sort of stuff and having mostly male friends.
Am I the only one who finds those ‘parties’ a little tacky?
Hmmm. It’s not so much that I mind them or the thought of them, but I don’t like that the invite is basically the same as it would be for a regular party. For example, I’ve received invitations to basket parties and candle parties and all have had the same sort of pressure…the hostess asking me if I was going to attend (if I happened to speak to the hostess while still in the planning stages or shorty after receiving invitation but before r.s.v.p)…assuring me of how fun it would be, etc.
I would prefer it to be a, 'hey, if you are interested in candles/baskets/what not, I’m sponsoring a party if you’d like to attend" or something like that. At my first candle party, I wasn’t even aware of what the hell these parties were and was really annoyed that the hostess ended up getting some sort of cut from what we ordered. I just felt hoodwinked.
Can’t speak for myself, but my mother has been invited to some of those parties, though she’s rarely bought anything; I think she feels that you’re obligated to buy something because the friend is your host, and that it’s distasteful and a little tacky.
Another (probably silly) question: why only women? Do men have more sense?
I feel obligated, too…and I don’t like most of the stuff they’re selling.
I can buy most of it in the stores, probably cheaper! and ever since I got burned by Pampered Chef* I don’t go anymore.
*You know those baking stones? The ones that aren’t supposed to crack, if you follow the instructions? Well, mine did. I got my money back, but I was fairly annoyed about the whole thing.
I’m not fond of them – I do think there is an unspoken obligation to buy at most of them. There’s always an element of the hard-sell, with the demonstrator showing off what the hostess will ‘win’ by having the party, and what upgrades will be won if the party goes over a certain dollar amount. Then, if you don’t want to buy, the demonstrator puts the pressure on for you to book a party. While I don’t care to use the word ‘tacky,’ I really don’t like the idea of my guests being pressured to buy things at a party I’m giving, nor for them to feel pressured to give a similar, selling-party themselves, for my benefit. Certainly, from an etiquette perspective, inviting people over to your house in order to profit from them is a pretty dicey proposition.
All that said, I’ve been to these parties (although I haven’t been invited to one in years) and always had a good time – I am pretty easily amused, though, and have a good time most everywhere. Back when I was being invited to them, though, I only went to them if I knew the merchandise well enough to know I’d find something I was willing to buy. If it was something I knew I wouldn’t (or couldn’t afford to) buy – Princess House crystal, for instance, and Longaberger baskets were always out of my price range and of no interest to me – then I declined the party.
Slight tangent… I had a baking stone that cracked, too. It shattered into about 7 or 8 pieces in the oven. They told me to send them one of the pieces, and they sent me a whole new stone. I wasn’t annoyed at all. I was quite impressed at the good service, in fact.
Anyway, back to the OP. Yeah, I get the invites on a fairly regular basis, but don’t feel obligated to attend or even buy anything. I don’t go to the scrapbooking parties at all, because that doesn’t interest me in the least. One of my husband’s co-workers has the candle parties on a fairly regular basis and always invites me, but I went to one years ago, and wasn’t impressed by the quality of the merchandise. She usually ends up sending a catalog home with my husband “just in case” I want to buy something anyway.
A woman I work with rotates though all of them (Pampered Chef, Longaberger Baskets, candles, scrapbooks, Mary Kay, various other crap) throughout the year, and I attend some of them just for the social aspect, but only buy from the Pampered Chef and Longaberger because I like that stuff. They also usually happen to fall just right so they can be birthday or Christmas presents (for me), too, so it works out just right.
I also feel obligated to buy stuff. I think those types of parties are kind of tacky because, IMHO, it just feels so wrong to make money off your friends. Plus, a lot of those parties try to recruit new “sales associates” for those businesses (especially Mary Kay), which is even worse, because they want to recruit more people to sell more stuff to their friends.
If a friend of mine really needs the money and invites me to one of those, chances are I’ll go to support her and buy something, and I always have fun when I’m there because I’m with my friends. But the whole pressure to buy does taint the experience a bit.
Yes, you can buy similar brands for less at any store, sometimes even the exact same brands even. My local mall has a Tupperware kiosk and sells colonial cape cod candles in the department stores.
But the product is secondary, IMO. These parties are just another version of a hen party, excuses for us to get together and eat and drink and socialize. The products are cool, sure, but if anyone’s feeling actual pressure to attend, book or buy, then that’s an issue with the friend that’s hosting. At the parties I attend, the focus is social not hardcore sales pressure.
Right or wrong, many husbands that would resent “Honey, watch the kids, I’m going out with the girls for a few hours” are conditioned to respect “Honey, watch the kids, I’m going to Demetra’s party, she came to mine remember?” Everyone willingly buys into the idea that you spend $20 here and there, and when then if you decide to host one, everyone else comes and spends the same and you get free stuff.
As a single person, it’s far easier for me to just decide I want to spend time with my married girlfriends and make plans accordingly. For most of them, however, they need something more official they can schedule in and home parties work.
Not everyone feels the same, all well and good. I make other arrangements to see those friends, but I don’t resent or feel pressured or dislike the home party gig.
If it’s one of my friends and they invite me I know it’s just so they won’t have a pathetic party where no one shows up. I usually won’t buy anything unless I really want it, I won’t buy just because I went. If the invitation sender is someone I barely know I do resent it and I usually won’t go unless I know someone else who’s going. I still don’t feel obligated to buy anything.
Stamping parties, in my opinion, are the worst, along with scrapbooking parties. The stamping stuff is expensive and of limited use. How many times do you really want to make the same stupid card?
I think the parties are tacky, everyone knows the merchandise is overpriced. When the demonstrator tells exactly how much money the hostess will make from certain sales we all know how overpriced it really is.
If you have never invited your coworkers to any other social events I wouldn’t invite them to this. Nothing is worse than being invited to these things from people who don’t care about you socially in any other way.
Another in the “feel obligated to buy, but end up having fun anyway” camp. But then again, I’m a kitchen gadget whore.
The ones I actually do love (not sarcastic) are the sex toy parties. 'Cause, well…where else are you going to get to push buttons and watch things whiz around and vibrate and actually get good tips on the ahem efficacy of the various toys? I’ve been to the sex shops near Clark and Belmont, but frankly those girls are a little scary and too pierced for my suburban self to feel all that comfortable asking about the merits of the Rabbit Habit (“While the shaft twirls for G-spot stimulation, the rabbit ears flutter along the clitoris and the “pearls” roll and tumble at the sensitive opening of the vagina.”) versus the Thunder Cat (“The generously sized, gently gyrating shaft and tumbling “pearls” attend to your vaginal pleasure, while the external vibrator pleases your clit.”) Plus, we’re all so giddy (and not a little drunk!) by the end of the party, that I *do *end up buying things I love that I would never have had the nerve to buy in a store!
I hate those “parties” with a passion normally reserved for people who leave shopping carts in handicapped parking spaces. When invited to such a thing, I politely say no. When invited to what appears to be a normal girl’s night out and it turns out to be one of those things I will cross you off my list of human beings.
So make sure your coworkers are clear on what sort of “party” it is, and at least you won’t make any enemies.
Brief hijack - I went to my first sex shop with a friend of mine yesterday. It was quite an experience. Actually quite a good experience because we were the only ones in the shop (presumably everyone was at the nearby churches ), and the woman behind the counter was most helpful. And quite normal - she looked like someone’s mom. My friend and I were both very thankful.
I’m so glad you have a good sex shop nearby! A good friend of mine works at Toys in Babeland in Seattle, and when she came with me to the sex shops near here, even she was pretty horrified. That area of town is, and always has been, the place where Punk will not die. The place where the suburban teenagers drive an hour to get to on weekend nights so they can feel hip and rebellious. (Yes, I was one of them.) But now that I am a 30 year old suburban mom, I feel rather out of place there!
I should have been more specific in my first post - wouldn’t want to scare any Doper Gals away from their local sex shops!
But there’s no red wine at them. And there is at Sex Toy parties! (See how I cleverly dragged that hijack back onto topic, kicking and screaming?)
I don’t like them and I won’t go anymore. I have gone to a bunch and after a few it is all the same people taking turns hostessing the party and everyone feels obligated to go since they came to yours, so everyone buys a token item and after everyone has had a turn hostessing it just peters out. I have friends who sold various things for a while, MaryKay, Pampered Chef, candles, etc. and I always felt obligated to buy something from them while feeling slightly resentful.
I got tired of them and now I decline all invites to parties like these. The worst ones were people who I barely knew as aquaintances that invitied me to these ‘parties’, I knew I was only invited as a potential sale as I would never be invited to any normal party, nor would I invite them.
No one I know is selling stuff currently, everyone I know who has tried this does well for a while, then the circle of friends runs out and they can’t keep it up.
If I don’t want to go, I’ll say no. I’ve said no to Pampered Chef and scrapbooking stuff lots of times. I don’t feel obligated to buy anything at the parties I do go to.
If it’s Mary Kay, I’m there. If I’m not broke, I’ll buy stuff. If I’m broke, I’ll just enjoy the good company. The friends of mine who host these things actually mean it when they say “come anyway even if you cant buy anything.”
I’ve yet to be invited to a Tupperware party but I’d definitely go.
It doesn’t bother me that the hostess is getting a cut. Companies want to sell their stuff, so they give the hostess a reward for having a party. Nobody is forced to go and buy stuff. If you don’t wanna go, say no.
I’m in the same boat. None of my female friends are the sort that would ever host any such event. Although a friend did host a “fantasia party” (sex toy) for shits-n-giggles when she was working at an “adult store”, but it was more in the spirit of “check out the whacky stuff from the store!” and no one was expected to buy anything.
Generally, when it comes to tupperware parties, Clinique make-up parties, or what have you, I would probably say “thank you” for the invitation and politely decline.
Actually, I’d be shocked anyone would invite me because that’s just so not my scene.
I’m not fond of them either but I went to a very different jewelry party yesterday.
The jewelry was on display in 3 rooms of the house, there was cheese and wine and no, I repeat NO presentation by the sellers. There were mirrors at each display location so that we could try things on, but other than that it was just an afternoon get-together. It was the most innocuous selling party I’ve ever attended.
Back when my contemporaries were doing this alot I was selective about attending. I like Tupperware products so I sometimes went to those and sometimes to jewelry parties. But most of the time seemed that I had other plans on the party dates.
The implied obligation to buy makes me uncomfortable.
), and the woman behind the counter was most helpful. And quite normal - she looked like someone’s mom. My friend and I were both very thankful.
(See how I cleverly dragged that hijack back onto topic, kicking and screaming?)