That’s an interesting topic, and dovetails nicely with a recent thread and what has completely hijacked my thoughts over the weekend.
I’d like to share my thoughts with you, and get your feedback on whether they’re profound or merely bloody obvious. Oh perhaps totally lame. But please read through the whole thing.
A year and a half ago I took a weight loss class. It cost all of its students $195, but I got the emplyee discount. So did one other student. It was a ten-week course. The first week, there were seven students. The week after, there were six. In the tenth week, there were two of us left. A couple of months ago, I happened to bump into the other last student, who was fairly gung ho during the class. We ran into each other (or rather, waddled into each other) at a pizza place. I had a success story to tell her. She had excuses. I occasionally run into one of the dropouts. She looks as big as she ever did, and always a bit sad. Poor women, both of them. I feel bad for them. They just don’t get it yet, but hopefully they will.
I want to make some predictions for every one of you. I’m tdn the fortune teller.
Two years from now, you’re going to run into a friend, coworker, or family member that you haven’t seen in a long time. She (I predict that it will be a female, but I might be wrong on this) will not recognize you. You will have to stop this person and say “Yo, bitch, you don’t even say hi to me?”
That will happen. That’s my first prediction.
My second prediction is that when she finds out who you are, she will say these exact words: “Wow! You’ve changed! You look great! You’ve lost a lot of weight!”
That will happen.
Third prediction: “So how did you do it?” I promise you, that will happen. Guaranteed.
Fourth prediction, you will answer in a modest but truthful way. Your answer will contain three words, and no more. You’ll be modest, but inwardly bursting with joy.
Do you believe me so far? I guarantee all of my predictions. But here is the fifth and most astounding one: You will notice your friend’s expression change. Instantly. It will go from absolute enthused curiosity to absolute disappointment. The verbal response you will get? “Oh. Yuck.” She will instantaneously turn off before your eyes. You’ve become a let-down to her. You’ve gone from winner to loser in that very moment.
What was your friend really asking you? What was her real agenda? “You’ve found a magic pill. Give me one.”
Don’t. If you had a supply of magic pills, would you give them away? Hell no. You’d sell them. I guarantee that you could get at least $195 for them. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen seven people, including myself, writing checks for the Magic Pill. If we had proof that the Magic Pill worked, we would gladly have forked over ten times that amount. A hundred times that amount. If I had it, I would have paid $19,500 for the Magic Pill. Instant Thin, with all of its side effects such as attractiveness, self-confidence, well-being, and an additional twenty years of life, is worth real money.
Hell yeah I’d pay that.
Isn’t that interesting? I’d rather pay $19,500 than get my butt off the couch for 20 minutes. I could make a 3rd choice and do neither. I could save some money, watch a little more TV, and be rewarded with – get this – early death. Does that sound like a good deal?
What struck me as odd was that in that weight loss class there were nine sessions on what to eat, and one on how to sweat. Guess how many students showed up for that one? It’s not that people didn’t want to exercise. They didn’t even want to hear about it.
Think about this: You have maybe 20 years left before you die. I do. I’ll die at 65. And what are my prospects? Exercise every day until then? Let’s see, that’s 7,300 times I have to get up off the couch. How bleak is that? I’d better get busy and find a form of exercise that I love, because doing something I hate 7,300 times would suck.
What’s the paradox here? If I do that, then I won’t die at 65, I’ll die at 85. Now we’re up to 14,600 times I have to get up off the couch. And if I do that, I might not die until I’m 95. Fuck! Now we’re up to 18,250 times I have to exercise. I’d honestly rather pay $19,500 than face that. I’ll give you just over a dollar a day to exercise for me. You do the work. My shows are on.
Let me change my fourth prediction for you: “Sorry. There is no magic pill. You have to work for it. There is no other way.”
The good news is, the magic pill wouldn’t have given you a daily shot of seratonin anyway.
