Seagal or Van Damme?

Judge by any criteria you like.

Jean-Claude got my vote.

Bloodsport remains one of my favorite movies ever.

Van Damme.

  1. His moves are cooler.
  2. I never got the impression he took any of it seriously.
  3. Honestly, he’s a better actor.

Judging both as martial artists in their prime - Steven Seagal. Van Damme is a kickboxer/dancer/bodybuilder who was never a serious martial artist (he does have a black belt, but I think it’s only a Shodan). Seagal is, I believe, a 6th Dan in Aikido, was one of the only Caucasians to run an Aikido dojo in Japan, and was a serious practitioner of the art for many years.

As actors, I’d give the nod to Seagal in his prime, even though it’s a very low bar since neither of them can act particularly well. But Seagal was pretty good in Above the Law and Under Siege.

As an action star, I’d probably go with Van Damme, because he has very flashy movie-tuned moves, a better physique, and has starred in more movies that didn’t totally suck. Seagal’s best two movies were better than anything Van Damme has done, but outside of those two movies Seagal’s work was godawful, while Van Damme put out a string of movies that were at least watchable. Plus, Seagal runs like a girl.

As human beings, they both suck. One’s a bloated serial prevaricator and resume distortionist, and the other is a coked-up violent idiot.

In a battle of egos, it’s not clear who would win.

I don’t care for Segal’s preachy style so I voted VanDamme.

Which is which?

It was close, but I think Seagal is slightly more inadvertently hilarious.

Seagal movies are way more fun due to the unintentional comedy. Each had a couple great stupid action movies and each had a bunch of terrible ones, I call that a wash. Seagal’s fighting style and moves are more unique and generally bad-ass while Van Damme’s moves looked a lot like every other martial artist’s over choreographed moves. Van Damme was way more ripped, but I’m not sure that’s a selling point being that I’m a straight male. In fact Seagal’s paunchiness kinda made him appealing as an everyman. Above the Law, Under Siege and *Bloodsport * are absolute classics but Seagal at his worst is far worse than Van Damme. Van Damme is like 5’8", Seagal has an awesome ponytail.

Seagal for the win! Kumite!

I voted that Seagal is the bigger asshole. That;s what I assumed the poll was about.

I assume “resume distortionist” refers to Seagal claiming that he once worked for the CIA.

Bloodsport was Van Damme.

Even with the accent, Van Damme was easier to understand as Seagal was the hoarse whisperer.

As others have mentioned Van Damme doesn’t really seem to have a problem making fun of himself and being something of a goofball. Yeah, he still comes off as kind of a douche, but those self-deprecating qualities make him pretty likable.
Seagal, on the other hand, constantly feels like he has to play up his badassery, even going so far as to say he once worked as a spook. And every movie he’s in, it seems, has to have the obligatory scene where the bad guys talk about how tough is.
Also, he claims to be a reincarnated Buddhist lama. And no that’s not a joke.

Does Van Damme have his own energy drink? No he does not. Advantage Seagal, baby!

(Actually. I’m convinced that Steven Seagal’s entire persona is a decades long Andy Kaufmanesque put on/performance art piece, which he will reveal on his deathbed.)

Tried that. Hurt my throat. :smiley:

You guys have clearly never seen “Fire Down Below,” in which Steven Seagall is an agent of some kind, who is sent down South to beat up some bad guys for polluting the environment. He’s also a part-time folk singer or something in the movie. It is awesome.

I’m not crazy about either of them, but I can’t stand Steven Seagal.

Jackie Chan

You know one of the things that I really appreciate in being French is that I can enjoy something unaccessible to our friends across the seas: a Van Damme interview in French. It is absolutely mind blowing, like a Koan school of thought brewed up in the pits of Brussels, with a generous coating of completely nonsensic Franglish. They even published books with the best samples of Van Dammeries…
You cant beat that, you just cant. Van Dammage FTW!

Van Damage all the way.