Thanks. How about “What’s good for the dog is good for the…”
No, that wouldn’t work. I know: “What’s good for the chicken is good for the cock.” Perfect. There’s no possible way that could be misinterpreted.
cuauhtemoc said:
Of course, I’d have the same freedom she would have. In fact, she has encouraged me in the past to sow my oats a bit- she has more romantic experience than I do (she has disclosed any specifics, but I know she has had ~8 steadies over the last 10 years, going back into high school, so I’m guessing she’s at around a dozen or so, while I have had only 2 steadies (one of whom wished to remain a virgin until married), and not much else besides) so she’s worried that I’ll have regrets about not sleeping around more. And I do wish I’d been more outgoing with girls in the past, but that should have nothing to do with our relationship.
from mlerose (thanks for the hug)
I went to college in the same city that she lives in- and old college friend who stuck around introduced us. So I have plenty of experience in the area, and old friends as well. So I’m not moving just for her- my rent would be cheaper, I might have better job opportunities (I’m just substitute teaching, so I wouldn’t be giving up a career), and I’m getting stale where I am. She does want me there, and is excited about starting a real relationship with me, but right now she needs space.
said ratatoskK
Let’s see, we first met 2 years ago, but our relationship started last April, and we spent a week together in June, July, September, two long weekends in November, and 10 days after Christmas together. So 7 times, plus hours and hours of phone conversation and plenty of email.
That maybe more personal info than I really need to give, but oh well.
Oh yeah, thanks again for the perspectives.
Of course, I’m taking all the advice and using it to help make my decision, but I think every decision can be improved by having multiple brains working on it.
hombrew-
Say anything?
I think she wants to get something INTO her system… 
At least she is honest and open about it… wierd to me… but she didn’t do it behind your back. Maybe its her way of saying something ?
To me, that’s almost worse… I think she either assumes the OP will tell her to take a hike (which is exactly what he SHOULD do, IMHO) or else she thinks he’s such a doormat that he’ll stand on the sidelines while she screws whomever she wants. Either she’s too chicken to break up and is trying to force his hand, or she’s a total narcissist who thinks she’s entitled to do whatever she wants. GreatDave, it’s a very very very very BAD idea to continue with this relationship. It’s an even worse one to move based on this relationship. Make like a flock of seagulls and run far away.
This sounds positively ridiculous to me. I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year, and for about six months of it we didn’t see each other much because I was studying elsewhere. She came to visit a few times and we talked online and on the phone constantly, and we were STILL going nuts. I’ve know my share of other people in long-distance relationships, and I’ve never heard of anybody enjoying not having their partner around. If you’re with someone, aren’t you supposed to want to be with them? I thought that was the whole point.
It sounds to me like she knows you’re the ‘stable’ guy and is willing to abuse that. She can see (date, fuck) other people while knowing you’re committed and are willing to uproot yourself and go way out of your way for her. So you’re a fallback position, or a sucker. I’d tell her that I’m not moving out there unless she’s committed to me alone - let her make the decision. If she sounds hesitant, get out. You’re talking about giving a lot to someone who (as others have observed) doesn’t sound like she wants to commit to anything. Even if she said she’d forget about this other guy, I might stay home anyway.
True dat. A couple hours, it’s “Sit on the couch in my underpants drinking beer and belching.” A couple days, it’s “slowly going mad, Poe style.”
And I’m not IN a LDR.
Dave, she has told you to go out and see other people and to sow your royal oats! I recommend doing just this. She has much, much more experience than you do, she knows how to work a guy, and work a system. You do not. This is not a bad thing, it is only the truth, in that you do not have the experience to know this is a bad situation to get into!
Please end the relationship and step out on a few branches of risk with different women…they may soon see you as being very interesting! And they will certainly not SAY THEY NEED TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM!!!
Havent you ever wondered what she needs to get out of her system if she has already slept with 8 plus or minus 4 guys? Soory chap! She’s got plenty of experience…she just likes that kind of experience with multiple men!
I don’t think Great Dave is going to listen to anybody who’s been there or knows somebody who’s been there. Oh well. We can tell him the fire is hot all year long but he’s not going to believe it till he actually touches it.
Good luck to ya Dave. Have fun while you still can.
Well said. 
Will you? And if you do have such regrets, will you resent her for them? And for having more experience than you do?
Maybe it shouldn’t, but sometimes it does. You wish you had more experience. She wishes you had more experience. Something tells me you should get yourself a little more experience, bub. Maybe your current relationship will survive it, maybe it won’t, but if one or both of you still has “wild oats” to sow, and you end up resenting one another for it, the relationship might not survive that either.
About moving to be with her: I agree with others that it sounds like a bad idea. And not just because I would never move to Michigan for any reason whatsoever. You shouldn’t uproot yourself until you’re sure you both want the same things out of the relationship. If moving there to be with her is a good idea now, it’ll still be a good idea in a year or two. If it’s a bad idea, you don’t want to go ahead and make the decision before you realize it’s a bad idea.
Oh, Long Term Relationship. I thought this thread was about Lord of the Rings. :smack:
I realize that we aren’t quite to LTR status- my question was for anyone who is (or has been) in an LTR that saw other people just before things really started getting serious, and how it affected that LTR.
I don’t think it would be very fair to blame her for my mistakes before her. I have had regrets about a lot of things in life, but I’m able to live with them pretty easily. I can’t go back and change what I did, so why get in bunches about it? As long as I learn from my mistakes and success, I think I’m doing pretty well. And no matter what happens once I move (if I do) it’s my decision and I’ll be the one taking the consequences, and I’m totally cool with that. I have a need to move on from where I am, and being an emmigrant is part of me that I have neglected for a while.
Really regardless of anyone elses opinions it is a matter of how YOU think about the subject.
Does it hurt? Does it make you doubt yourself? Does it make you doubt HER?
Do you really think you can simply “put it in the past”?
Personally I think it would be beyond stupid to agree to this in any shape or form. BUt your mileage may vary as they say.
At the very least I would back off of the LTR ideas and make it clear that if this is the time to “get things out of your systems” that you might have an issue or two yourself to resolve with someone else.
Nah. Besides, if Great Dave had to melt his engagement ring in the pit of Mt. Doom to end his relationship, he’d never be free of that girl (and we’d all be learning to speak Orc).
This is not a problem with her.
This is a problem with you.
When you realize this you will grow up a little, and probably be a little healthier.
The delusional fairlyand you have constructed with this girl on a pedestal at its center is hurting you. Every minute you spend worshipping this fantasy, eliminates a minute you could be looking for someone who actually gives a flying fuck about your feelings and happiness.
The reason why nobody will tell you that this works out is…it doesen’t. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe next month, she is going to shatter whatever fantasy you might have had about her and you better be ready for it.
Don’t do anything that will stretch your resources, emotionally or financially, to see this girl.
You want us to tell you its going to be OK, it won’t.
Most of us have been there at least once in our lives, and it never works.
You’re supposed to wait till they leave to do that? Oh, dear.