This may migrate to another forum (not the Pit, I hope) before all is said and done, but I’ll start here. I’ve never really understood, to any satisfying degree, what the currently high mileage phrase “seeking closure” is supposed to mean.
Seeking resolution doesn’t really work as a substitute. Anybody out there want to tell me what seeking closure means?
I’ve always thought of it as wishful thinking at the end of a relationship between two people, and not necesarily a romantic one.
Whenever I’ve felt I needed “closure”, I was looking for the reasons behind why this person is no longer in my life, whether it’s a death, drifting friendship, or breakup with an SO. Generally the person seeking closure is the one who was left behind.
Mostly it seems to be a sad excuse for beating a dead horse, there’s really nothing that the other person could say that will make you feel better, you’re just prolonging contact and pain.
If your loved one is missing for a long period of time, and it does not seem like they will ever return for whatever reason, such as lost at sea, missing in action during a war, or like the Chandra Levy situation, or children who have been abducted, then at some point in time, a memorial service may be needed to finally let that person go. Otherwise there is a constant grieving. But I’m not saying that there is a time line on grieving. That’s the kind of “closure” I think about.
Closure is whatever you need to do to accept that something important to you has ended or that someone important to you is no longer going to be in your life.
In the case of a death, you may find closure at the funeral or you may find closure by watching a beautiful sunset and saying goodbye in your heart.
If it’s the end of a relationship, you may find closure when the divorce papers or signed, or you may find it by tearing up all of the other person’s pictures.
Some people never find closure, and they live a constrained life because they can’t let go.
Closure is whatever it takes to get to the acceptance phase of the grieving cycle.
Although the concept of “seeking closure” in the sense that Zyada cited is valid, I think that in its most recent form it means, “I want this to stop hurting/bothering me now.” A lot of people are very disappointed when the thing they’ve chosen to do in order to reach that goal doesn’t work.