At my company, they’re starting a monthly newsletter. In the newsletter, they will feature one employee every month. Somehow, I was selected as the inaugural featured employee. They gave me a bunch of questions to answer. One of the questions that I don’t want to answer is what my ‘dream job’ at the company would be. Let’s just say that my answering it honestly might create some political issues for me. And any fake answer would be pretty transparent to those that know me. So I’m hoping for a cutesy answer that deflects the question without making me appear like I’m deflecting it. Any suggestions?
An astronaut!
Beyond that, without giving us much to work with, what if you just said something like “Growing up, I always wanted to be a long haul truck driver. Criss-crossing the country. Taking in the sights, seeing all the different cultures blah blah blah, [maybe a Smokey and the Bandit joke].”
Ha! This is #1 on my list so far.
Can you quote the actual question for us to see, just in case there might be something lighthearted in the phrasing?
Batman!
“What is your dream job within the company?”
The problem is that we’re a very large company, but I’m in a very specialized position and my upward career path is filled by two very sensitive individuals.
Supreme Overlord, of course. And everyone would gain the secondary duty of making sure your <whatever your favorite snack is> supply NEVER runs out.
I always wanted to be…a lumberjack!
Cruise Director? Ninja Master?
(Current Job Area) Rockstar?
‘My dream job involves so few hours and so much compensation that they haven’t come up with a name for it yet.’
senior newsletter editor
Thanks, yeah it’s a pretty bland question
What about something along the theme of; “I already have my dream job. I’m just waiting for them to open an office in Aruba”
Maybe you could just tell that to the interviewer and ask if they could skip that question. Since it’s the first edition, I’m thinking no one will notice if a question is omitted. In fact, they might find that they’ll run into a lot of this and it’s better to remove the ‘within the company’ part..or, for political reasons, get rid of the question altogether. (JOHNSON…I just read the newsletter, what’s this about your dream job being to work at the firm across the street? If that’s where you want to work, consider yourself excused from your duties here!")
OTOH, if they change it to “Growing up, what was your dream job”, I think most everyone is going to say “ASTRONAUT!!!”
Scene: My old office building, walking down the hall with my friend.
Friend: I just heard about the best job!
Me: Blow job tester?
Friend: <speechless, which is very rare for him>
Not sure you can get away with that one…
-D/a
I’d go for openly cheesy. They have to be nuts to expect an honest or serious answer from a question like that in a general company newsletter.
“Well, CEO sounds nice, but I think that (your business name)'s Overlord of Earth has a better ring to it. I’ve been in talks with HR, and they’re working on it. As soon as it’s finalized, don’t bother submitting your resumes for it - that one’s all mine.”
“Did you hear that we’re expanding into chocolate-dipped strawberry production? I just found out, and I’m already looking forward to my new position as Chief Chocolate-Dipped-Strawberry Tester. I’ll be using my bonus on larger clothing.”
Don’t feel bad - they wrote a crap question that is fraught with potential for serious company fuck-up-itude.
If it makes you happier about it, think about this: Being cheesy and avoiding the topic makes for an easy out for the dumbasses who designed this brilliant set of questions also, so when the shit does hit the fan from the first overly honest or passive-aggressive employee interview, they can point to you (and all the other sane people who ducked the question) as “evidence” that they didn’t mean for people to take it seriously.
newsletter editor.
Major League Baseball player.
NFL referee.
Driver of the company’s sponsored NASCAR car
Product Testing of new line of chocolates / video games / other fun things
Hand model for print ads
I’m thinking this could be a format where they give you, say, 20 questions and then the editor will pick maybe the 5 or 6 most interesting/fun/whatever ones for your profile. Just leave that one blank.