I’ve debated about whether or not to post here, but I kind of feel the need to say this, even though it’s rather late in the thread and slightly off-topic:
Please don’t have/adopt kids with him unless you are sure his anger problems are resolved. Few things test one’s patience like little children, and having been raised by an angry man with an explosive temper, I can tell you that it can leave you with lasting issues. At the very least, it’s a terrible example to set for a kid.
Maybe this isn’t true for most kids, I can only tell you from my experience, so take that into consideration:
My father is a yeller (I think I actually might be able to say ‘was.’ He does a lot better these days). He seemed so out of control when he was angry that I always expected to be hit at some point, but to his credit he never actually did so, though I saw him push my brother once. There were a couple of times when his anger was so immense and irrational that I found myself paralyzed in the face of it. Kids don’t have the experience and perspective of adults, and it was a long time before I categorized his behavior as inappropriate, rather than a matter of me being an insensitive idiot when it comes to judging what will anger other people. I still find it hard to say anything that might be offensive to someone because I kind of feel like I’m walking through a minefield with no map and poor judgment. I’m always pleasantly surprised when I have to have a possibly confrontational conversation with someone and they handle it well. I’m still quite young, though (23), so I hope over time it will become easier for me.
To my lasting shame, I also developed a temper very much like his until I realized in my mid-teens that I was behaving in the same hurtful way he was, even though I knew first-hand what it was like to be on the receiving end of it. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for the way I treated my (all younger) siblings.
Don’t assume that you will be able to tell by his behavior in your presence that he is dealing with anger appropriately with the kid(s). My father behaved much better when dealing with or in front of my mom. I think she thought I was just exaggerating for years (not entirely out of the question - I was a little drama queen) until she accidentally witnessed a particularly bad incident.
I feel like I’ve said too much and should have stopped before adding so many personal details, that I should just keep my mouth shut and not bad-mouth my father so much. But it isn’t mine to be ashamed of, really, plus it took a lot of time to write out, and I suppose if it helps some other kid out there, it will have been worth it.
In any case, I think you’re on the right track with therapy, and I hope things work out for you, however it is you reach that point.