Secret Service.
Head Shop?
Those places tend to be the complete opposite. They’ll throw you out just for saying the word “marijuana.”
Never get into a relationship with someone who snorts the marijuana.
Why is it your business to know if she smokes or not? Serious question. Do you have kids together? Does she have kids at all that she’s responsible for (whether they’re also yours or not)? Do you live together? Do you have shared financial responsibilities?
Let me put it another way: It could be that you’ve been together for half a decade and have two toddlers together; could be that you’ve been dating semi-casually for a couple of months. Based on what you wrote, I can’t know that. But only one of those scenarios gives you more of a “right” to know than the other.
The whole issue for me isn’t the smoking really, but the lying. All I want from her is honesty. I can work around smoking so long as it doesn’t hurt her or us. I can not work around lying. Truth to me, is the most important thing in a relationship
I’ve asked her very repectfully and seriouslt if she has but the answer is always that she doesn’t smoke at all anymore.
I fear that she is not telling me because she doesn’t want to deal with any reaction from me whether it be small or large. I feel that she either doesn’t want to risk a large reaction or simply thinks that it is easier to continue with white lies as opposed to telling me the truth.
But do you guys think that she’s really telling the truth or do you think she’s still smoking, just behind my back?
It sounds to me like she smokes. Have you let her know you find her answer unbelievable?
How the hell should we know?
The actual problem here is that you don’t trust her. Trust is an action, not a feeling. You asked her, she said no. If you trust her then that’s the end of it. If you trust her, then put your trust in her. If you don’t trust her then you might as well just move on.
And definitely don’t patronize her neurosurgery practice!
Buy a drug test for her. Walgreens has one for under $20. That way you’ll find out if she’s using still smoking grass plus tell her just how much you don’t trust her.
Why doesn’t she smoke anymore?
It is possible to have bloodshot eyes and stuff without smoking from being around others, but makeup in a shower? I don’t know if I’d buy that either.
It sounds like she might be feeling pressure from you.
Despite what people say about it not being addictive - the chances of someone who smoked “all day every day”* working around people who smoke at work and having a friends/family that smoke - all of a sudden quitting are very very small.
It is part of their life. Most of them get some benefit from it. Some are self medicating.
*this sounds like an exaggeration - this and other things (such as referring to yourself as “clean” and others at “potheads”.
It sounds like she really must like you. I know you say it is the lying, but what is it about the SMOKING that bothers you?
There could be lots of stuff going on here, but it sounds like:
- she was trying to cut back or quit - why is that?
- plenty of people taper off as they get older. It could be a phase.
- are you worried about health risks, the smell, lifestyle, what?
- this is/was part of who she is - no one likes to feel disapproval
- she could be trying to cut down and succumbs every once and a while and doesn’t want to disappoint you
I don’t know, but I’d suggest figuring out what YOUR issue with pot is and figure out why SHE wanted to cut back in the first place.
In most places pot isn’t going to get you into any real trouble - so I’d refrain from making that argument to her.
I’d be a little more interested in clips she shows you. Sounds like she was trying to bond with you - what was your reaction? Was it funny? Did you laugh? (Just out of curiosity - did you remember the clip)?
“Deal with my reaction, small or large”
“I can work around the smoking”
These two things don’t seem to go together. If you can work around it, why would there be a reaction large or small?
If you asked her, and she told you no, and you don’t believe that, then the trust in your relationship is gone.
What exactly do you want to hear from her that will convince you, if “No. I quit.”, isn’t enough? And if you don’t believe her when she says this why would you believe anything else she says?
Without trust your relationship cannot succeed. It’s just that simple. Whether she’s smoking or not!
Honestly? I don’t think either one, primarily for the same reason that I don’t think unicorns eat pizza or shoot craps.
She’s still smoking pot. She’s lying to you about it. She’s probably addicted. For people with the genetic predisposition for addiction, marijuana can be intensely addictive. These are the people who end up smoking multiple times a day, every single day.
Decide if you want to date a pothead or not. Your opinion on it won’t stop her from smoking.
This.
Dude, you know she’s smoking, you just want someone to tell you she isn’t so you can pretend. Accept her as is or move on.
No it isn’t. What are you talking about?
I give you $20 to go to the store and buy some milk which I know costs $5. I TRUST you to bring back the right change. You come back and tell me the milk costs $12. Not only that, you have powdered sugar on your shirt and I know your sweet tooth weakness. Looks like you just enjoyed yourself some donuts. But you assure me you haven’t as you hand me $8 in change. Should I just accept the sudden steep rise in the price of milk as “the end of it”?
O Look!
Another 1st post by someone with a relationship problem.
We hardly ever get these!
Well, to be fair to the OP, this DOES seem like the kind of place where one could get some STRAIGHT answers about DOPE, doesn’t it?
I am most definitely not an angel or ever have been in terms of all this stuff. But now, I simply choose not to because, to me, it has proven to be counter productive to what I am trying to accomplish in life. If she can smoke and accomplish what she wants in life and it won’t affect her or us negatively, while I may not exactly be all for it, I will still be alright. It can’t be denied that smoking in excess is not a good thing, so as long as that doesn’t happen with her, I won’t really worry about it all that much. I know smoking in proper moderation isn’t a horrible thing. I really like her and if I have to put up with it, I will.
The only issue with pot I have is when it is used in excess or when it has a negative effect on peoples lives. Her grades started to slip and her motivation dropped when she started up again and that’s why I wasn’t being super supportive of her picking it up again. She wanted to stop on her own because she saw that too. She was about to drop out because she felt “no motivation to keep going”, but she did stop or at least cut back and now she’s really putting some solid effort in. So, as of now, if she is smoking, I do not have an issue with it. If she chooses to smoke, she is her own person and can make her own decisions and I will respect that. I do have a problem though if she is smoking and lying about it.
The issue is that I do not want to be lied to. While I can live with her smoking, I am not cool at all with being lied to about it. The whole reason I want to know if she actually smokes is not about the smoking itself, rather the lies that could possibly be what I’m hearing.
I do try to believe her, but given her coming home from work with pothead coworkers who do smoke every day at work, having red eyes, and telling me it was the makeup in the shower while I have seen her shower with makeup on yet have no red eyes, it is tough to not have some doubts. So, if it is wrong of me to doubt what she is telling me, please let me know. If it does seem that she is lying to me, how should I talk to her?