Seems on time/early people are rude even when people *aren't* late (LONG)

The BBQ Pit
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Yep. Read it again. Then read it again. And again. Sooner or later, you will get it. Unless you thought I meant I am not upset with at all, in which case my irritation came from what I see as a double standard and a series of what I considered to be insults in IMHO.

No I don’t.

Sure it is ok now and again, but the rest of the time I have to agree with you?

I don’t know, what if? I’m not lackadaisical about getting together, I am lackadaisical about the time we meet.

There are several reasons why I may be late. One of them is occupying all my time enjoyably. Part of that enjoyment means no rushing around. I do not have to rush around to work out meeting arrangements, so why should I? Apparently only to appease friends’ sense of time. But that can be resolved without me rushing around, and without them feeling like they are waiting on me. So there is then no problem.

I have a two hour flex time to show up for work. Meetings at work happen when they happen, and yeah, I’ve actually been late to some meetings because of work that has to be done. Everyone understands. I am so very far from losing my job over something like that.

No. If I were to answer a question with a question I would ask: whose priorities? Please, please, please get passed this point. It is so very minor and I have explained it so much that I don’t know what else to even say. Time is NOT a priority for me, and it doesn’t BECOME one because my friend thinks it should be. He might as well GIVE UP his perception of time and adopt mine as I would adopt his. Clearly there is no solution there, each side makes the same amount of sense and ultimately only appeals to their own preferences. But IN FACT those preferences can be satisfied without having anyone switch their preferences. So why should EITHER OF US switch? Why? No one has answered this. Why? Why does someone have to switch?

See the pressure yet, Fenris? And I think CanvasShoes is a friendly enough doper here, more than most behave in the pit.

I can say with absolute confidence: yes, it seems that way… to you.

Holy hell. I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say this. I’m done answering this question.

I am saying they find other ways to meet up than insisting on punctuality. We spend quite a bit of time together, when we can (family and some friends live in a different state).

No, it would not be correct. I don’t care what most people do, I am not hanging out with “most people” ever at any time. I am hanging out with you. EQUALLY IMPORTANT is the notion that you are hanging out with me. Unless you feel you are more important than me, or your standards or perspective are privileged, in which case: let’s hear it. You and me. Let’s hear it. I don’t give a fuck what anyone else does, if I did I’d be hanging out with them instead. Right now, you and me: why is your way of looking at making plans better.

This is an incomplete analysis. Why do you want to spend time with me? Am I nice? Fun? Generally friendly? That is, why don’t you just sit by my side while I sleep, you can be sure I won’t be going anywhere else then? Time, you see, is not the sole factor here. It is not the most important one or you’d hang out with anyone who just happened to be punctual. It is a factor, a factor among many.

Right. I am quite aware of that. That is why I am quite persistent about working things out amongst my friends so they don’t feel left out or stuck waiting, and I don’t feel like they are pressuring me.

I’m sorry, but I can only take this as a joke. How do you get from what I say to that I wouldn’t care about showing up at all?

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IMO:

Late for a group activity, not a problem.
Late for a one on one activity, not a problem.
More than 15 minutes late for a one on one activity with someone who doesn’t know you are chronically late without calling to set a new ETA is fucking inconsiderate.
Late for a one on one activity with someone who knows you’re chronically late, not a problem.

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To piss you off. Is it working?

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Whew! This is getting long, lol, and yes Eris, my questions are totally friendly and merely curious, not trying to change your behaviour, or get you to holler “uncle” or anything!!!

quote:Shoes

Anyway, it seems as if people would be more likely to make it on time to something pleasant and fun than the other way around.

Okay, now remember, this is asked in a manner of curiosity and an attempt to make sure I know (or hope to find out) what you are saying.

Does that mean that to YOU, it’s more fun to spend time at work?

quote:

Since you and X want to see each other and spend some time together, I don’t understand why “making plans” to do so seems to imply some sort of forced torture.

See my above disclaimer. Also, I think the reason people keep coming back to this, despite your continued explanations, is that you DO seem to write with an air of “I can’t possibly do that, it would be torture” with regards to meeting someone at a specific or general time. But, no biggie, I didn’t mean to get you aggravated. I find your attitude fascinating, re: my previous explanation of how closely you resemble my little sister’s ex in this way.

quote:

Not even sure what to say regarding this one. Do you mean to say that your friends and family don’t care that they don’t get to spend much time with you?

Okay, here’s another part that I, and others in this thread are having a hard time wrapping our brains around what you mean.

Let me elaborate further. Let’s take me for instance. Say I was your buddy. My schedule is something like this:
I teach 4 University classes in addition to working a 32 hour a week “real” job. I have Tues/Thurs after 730pm free, don’t have M/W’s free at all as I teach 2 classes that day, and don’t get home til 9 or 10, I have friday evening free.

Now, if I wanted to see you, I"d have to do so either on Tues/Thurs from about 8 to 930 or Friday After 5 until maybe 9.

Now, If you decided to “be late,” meaning not to show up until 945 or so on any of these times, I’d miss out on seeing you. Or, say you decided to show up at 9:00, instead of getting to spend from an hour and a half to 4 hours with each other, we’d only get an hour. Bummer, because as your friend, we like each other and have fun together.

quote:
quote:

Well the answer to “why is it important to make plans”? (presumably plans designed to give people time to spend together and socialize and have fun) is so that the 2 (or more) people involved have the optimal amount of (and the prime time) to spend together.

Actually, it wasn’t an analysis at all. Read again. But as to why I want to spend time with you, well that’s sort of a moot point here. If I’m your buddy, then whatever it is that we like spending time doing would be the reason eh?

As for punctual? I agree, if you’re only a little late, and only sometimes, shoot no. But if you chronically are late to things by several hours, frequently to the point of not getting to see each other at all, THEN it becomes a problem. And it’s not really the "punctuality’ that’s the issue, but the not getting to spend much time together that the severe tardiness would cause, were that what was happening.

quote:

I think what the rest of us are saying is that time, and the spending of it with people we care about, IS important to most of us and that we are hurt (annoyed insert emotion of your choice here) when someone whom we’d like to see doesn’t show up.

Well, then, like it or not, in “working things out” you’re “making plans” even if it’s just a compromise so that you don’t have to “be on time”, it’s a plan, it’s scheduling.

quote:

it doesn’t appear that you are terribly interested in making sure you show up or not regarding spending time with “your people”.

No, it’s not a joke, but it’s not meant to be snide, mean or argumentative either. It means that based on your verbiage here in this post, that is what you seem to feel or think.

And again, granting that this (typing online, with no benefit of facial expression or voice inflection) is a limiting one, but from what you have said So Far, this is the impression that I get from your words.

Whatever it is that you are trying to get across re: your opinion on that portion of your rant, isn’t coming across clearly.

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Sorry, somehow I didn’t get this one in there.

That’s exactly what I’m asking! No actually I’m asking what are YOUR priorities? And as to you “explaining” it. Well, so many people are still trying to figure out what you mean. It hasn’t been “explained”.

Yes, we all realize time isn’t a priority for you, but since that is true, it effects your ability to interact with your friends, no time with them= little fun and interaction with them due to your refusal to “schedule”. So in making your “rules” that time isn’t a priority, you by associate make not being with your friends “not a priority”.

But again, as I said in a previous post, that may not apply to guys, perhaps they don’t care about spending time with someone as much as we girls generally do.

I don’t think any of the other posters are saying anyone has to switch.

What we ARE saying is that there are consequences to your “way”. Those consequences being that because making it to social events in a timely manner is something you rarely do, that you will miss out on seeing, partying with and being with your friends.

The person “waiting” at the social event has to decide to either miss seeing you, or wait indefinitely without knowing if or when you will show up.

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Quit. Telling. Me. What. I. Do. Right now.

“not making more specific times” is not the same as and never shall be the same as “not caring about spending time together”. How on earth do you get that?

I am going to yell this (pretend it is huge font and bolded and all caps etc): not being timely doesn’t mean we don’t see each other. That is SUCH A HUGE LEAP that I can’t even fucking believe I am addressing it with you in several posts.

**Fenris: **“Where’s erl?”
**CanvasShoeas: **“I don’t know, he’s ten minutes late as he seems to often be whenever there’s a specific time set. I guess he’s not showing.”

:confused:

Of if I am always ten minutes late will that somehow add up to the point where it turns out in fact I never see anyone? Or are you insisting that you will just stop being friends with me? How do we get from “late” to absent?

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That was a question, not a “telling you what to do,” hence the “So” at the beginning. The “so” is a cue for you to go, "no, what it really means is this, specifically. I think that’s what’s missing here, and why you aren’t getting your point across, vagueness and ambiguity rather than specifics.

I’m getting it from the posts where you say you may not show up until “whenever” etc etc. Of course 10 or 15 minutes occasionally isn’t a biggie, hours and the other person having no clue if or when you will show up is. And in several posts you alluded to the fact that you may in fact be that late.

From several of your previous posts where you say that you may not in fact make it before the people you are meeting have to leave.

And please, bear in mind, I’m asking here, NOT telling. I’m merely curious. I didn’t get from all your other posts that you were talking about a mere 10 minutes late, I got the distinct impression, again, based on your words, that you were not just sortof, but very lackadaisical about when or if you made it to places.

One other question. I have “flex time” at my job too. But if your company’s “limit” is say 830-1030 for showup time, isn’t 1030 “ontime”?

Or is it more like my company, show up whenever as long as you get your work done, or unless there is a specific customer project at a specific time?

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I’m kinda curious too.

ERL -

You have said that you can make important engagements. Making it to the airport for instance. This type of situation is important to you. You don’t want to be inconvenienced by taking a later flight.

Being late to meet a friend does not bother you, because it does not inconvenience you. But, it may inconvenience your friend.

Double Standard? It takes two people to make an agreement. You do not want to be held to your half, yet you agree to it. It seems that you want meeting times to have at least the ± 1/2 hour. Then tell people that.

So you start a rant and call everyone that disagrees with you MotherFuckers. And I’m a Fucking ninny. You think we are all horrible people because we expect you to do what you say you will.

Yeah, I know this is the pit.

If you agree to meet, and you are late, it is not my fault. It may not be your fault either. Something may have come up. But if you continue to do it, you are taking advantage of others.

I am curious about why you feel the way you do. It does not seem to have any base in logic or consideration for other people.

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: peeps in :

Somehow, I thought this was going to be about people being rude when people :aren’t: late???
:confused:

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Nope, its about why some people don’t undertand why it is rude to by late.

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“So in making your ‘rules’ that time isn’t a priority…” I don’t command this sort of thing. It isn’t a “rule”, figuratively or literally, that I speak English or walk upright.

I’m not talking about a mere ten minutes late! I’m talking about working things out so whether it was ten minutes or thirty you don’t feel like you’re waiting.

Let’s say we’re bullshitting and you have plans to go to the bookstore for a while. Say, browse around for an hour, from noon to one. And I say I’ll meet you there. If you want you can think: “He’ll be here by one.” I won’t, I will think, “I’ll be there some time between noon and one.” No “plus or minus ten minutes”, see? Is that more specific for you?

Suppose you have a roomate that is also my friend. You are busy that day, I am not, and neither is your roomate. So I stop over whenever, hang out, and eventually you are there to do something. We don’t even need to set a time. Can’t be late if we don’t set a time.

No more than 8:30 is.

I largely have to work when our customers do, and the powers that be have decided that is between 7:30AM and 6:00PM.

No, I call everyone that took the time to insult me directly or indirectly in a fucking IMHO thread motherfuckers. Should I quote myself or do you suppose you’d take the time to read what I post?

:smack: Gee I never thought of that! Why it was that simple this whole time!

Pardon me if my personal experience conflicts with your simple solution, and pardon me for still thinking that is imposing on other people. Especially when you take the time to say something like, “Nope, its about why some people don’t understand why it is rude to be late.” That about wraps it up for me talking to you here. I have no desire to help you understand this, and I have the distinct impression you don’t want to, either. You don’t have to feign interest to insult me, you can just do that directly.

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Does that help clear my anger up or should I go through all five pages for you?

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My absolutely final say (IMHO) :

I guess, unlike most aspects of life, concept of (importance of) time, religion and some others are fundamental beliefs. Obviously, so it seems for you as well.

I don’t think there is much of compromising possible in that regard like you believe there is. Most of us, if not all, have experienced a change in course of events affecting us, due to laxity in time at some point in our life. Those of us who disagree with you, probably have experienced such events. So, we are surprised and possibly distressed that someone has such a different perception of time management.

Now, the amusing part…

I plan my time the same way as you :wink:

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:smiley:

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And by far, the majority of posters here believe you are wrong. I don’t think anyone but you believes that the person being inconvenienced is at fault.

It is rude and inconsiderate to not honor your commitments. You are breaking your word. It’s not the end of the world; some people are just like that.

A number of people in this thread have also owned up to being chronically late. You have been jumped on because you blame this problem on the people that you break your commitments to. Because they ‘forced’ you to agree on a time to meet.

You seem to feel it’s acceptable to inconvenience people. I don’t.

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That proves how stupid you truly are, and I am sorry to hear that. Lean in closely, put your ear here, near my mouth… here… [sub]a little closer…[/sub]

I DON’T THINK ANYONE IS AT FAULT FOR ANYTHING YOU FUCKING STUPID IDIOT.

Next time you fucking step into one of my threads, DO NOT leave your clue at the door.

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What exactly is your point, Eris? I don’t think I ever quite got it.

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erislover, because I don’t deal well with abstracts in a discussion of this sort, I’m going to ask you for your input on a hypothetical example.

You and I are friends. I have multiple demands on my time – a wife, five kids, a fairly stressful job, a set of elderly parents who require my help occasionally. As a result, I have to prioritize items in my life and manage my time as best I can. The amount of time you and I get to spend together is necessarily limited, as you can see.

We decide to meet for lunch on a Saturday, since we haven’t seen each other in three weeks. I tell you, “I’m going to drop the baby off with his grandmother at 10, then I’ve got to pick up the dry-cleaning and run by the grocery store after that. I can meet you at the restaurant at 11:30, but I’ve got to get the ten-year-old to soccer practice by 1, so I’ll need to leave by 12:30.”

In this scenario, will you budget your time to be at the restaurant by 11:30?

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Sauron, chances are better I will ask you to meet me somewhere else where I will already be for other reasons, where we can then proceed to lunch.