I will often refer to my “big ol’ butt” or something similar.
<— See username.
I’m absolutely unapologetically brilliant, but I tend to gloss over details…some not so insignificant.
My use of the expression “knock wood” is usually followed by a couple of gentle raps on my forehead.
I have been known to write something down on a Post-It, staple it through the gummy section, and then affix said Post-It to my forehead. I can always tell when someone notices the staple.
When I talk about my traveling, I usually add something like “my wife used to worry about me cheating on her…then she realized I’m pretty f’in ugly.”
Whenever I manage to actually do something clever, I’ll say, “See? I’m not as dumb as I look.”
My wife has been known to add, “I never said you were.”
I’m obnoxious… but it’s one of my best qualities
I don’t have to be smart, I have boobs
I will use this, too - and follow it up with “but then again, I couldn’t be…”