We visited my sister-in-law last summer in Belgium. We had a wonderful time. Early in the trip, since it was warmer than we expected, we went to a mall to buy some shorts for me (I only brought jeans). I’m a big, burly American dude who could stand to lose a few pounds. The first few stores we looked at did not have any shorts big enough for me. So I made a joke: “I must be too fat for Belgium”. My wife laughed, but my sister-in-law was shocked. She said I should never say things like that about myself. I think she took it as some sign I had low self-esteem or something.
I didn’t make a big deal about it, but I was kind of surprised- I thought self-deprecation was universal. Is self-deprecating humor a uniquely American thing (or more likely, uniquely English-speaking, because I’m sure I’ve seen English and Australian celebrities make fun of themselves)? Is self-deprecation really unheard of in some cultures?
Self-deprecation certainly isn’t an American thing. I’m not even sure Americans are particularly well known for it, compared with, say, Brits, where modesty is prized high above boastfulness.
Some cultures in Europe would use it less, but I wouldn’t say it’s unheard of.
Maybe “too fat for Belgium” is some sort of unpleasant Flemish idiom, and you inadvertently called yourself a Nazi or some such: “I’m so fat I could roll right through this country!”
I’m going to suggest something different - A lot of Europeans perceive stereotypical Americans as being immense obese elephants, and they consider the obesity a deep moral failing, like alcoholism or gambling or drug addiction. But of course they would never say that to someones face. So, saying it about yourself is just like them saying it to your face, it’s just not…just not…well, you know…it’s just not talked about! It goes beyond the line of self-deprecating on this subject for them.
Yes, that’s the first thing to note.
(Or maybe your sister-in-law thought you meant “I’m too fat even for Belgium”?)
I’ve lived in England for 60 years and visited the US several times.
Based on that, I would say we English prize self-deprecation, whereas Americans go all out for self-confidence.
Aha, at last we might have a cultural counterpoint. Where are you from, Sentrix? Because it sounds like you come from somewhere where self-deprecation is seen as a negative. We Brits take the opposing view - hence our use of beloved phrases such as ‘nobody likes a show off’, ‘don’t blow your own trumpet’ and so forth.
i was in doha ( qatar) in suk wakif with my partner. he is well not ample but not what the arabs would call camel size. he said he was ‘fat’ and wanted ‘big size pants’ ( shorts in this instance)
the arab guy who spoke perfect english asked him why he described himself as ‘fat’ not ‘well fed’
I wonder whether, being in a way your hostess, she was worried that you felt bad or embarrassed about being too big for Belgium, and didn’t realise you were happy enough and just joking.
I’d add a lot of other Europeans to the self-deprecation list, but given that in many countries there is a concept of “American size”, joking that you’re it (specially when you’re not - you’re not, are you, iiandyiii?) is… grating.
It’s not self-deprecating humor per se, it’s the specific phrasing and circumstances.
