I know I said I’d stay out of here, but since it’s me I’m pitting, I figure y’all will allow me just this once.
I’m sittin’ here with all these friggin wires hanging down my head and going into this box that I have to wear for 2 1/2 more days.
I can’t sleep in my bed, because I’m one of those rambunctious sleepers, and I’m afraid I might pull something loose, and there would go all the data that this EEG is supposed to record.
I can’t get drunk, although I’d like to very much, because I don’t want to “mask” any symptoms with a dull brain. It’s important for me to find out what’s going on, because even though I am being treated for Early Onset Alzheimer’s, there is still a chance it could be something else.
I don’t have my SO with me because she chose today to let me know she doesn’t love me anymore. Great! I could have saved 65 bucks on roses that will be deivered to her on Valentine’s Day.:rolleyes:
The only good thing I can say is that I am glad I went and got groceries and stuff yesterday, so I ddidn’t have to ask her (or anyone else) to do it for me.
I’m also bawling like a “girly-man” because I know that if this is Alzheimer’s, my chances at further romance are one in a million. ([Jim Carrey ] “So there is a chance!”[/Jim Carrey]).
This whole fucking thing sucks great big donkey turds, and I am so tired of putting on a “brave face”, especially at work.
Okay?
So go ahead and help me pile on my own dumb-ass self. I don’t care.
Oh, man. Regardless of your posting history (which I’m not terribly familiar with), if anybody has any decency, piling on isn’t going to happen here. Try and hang in there. If I thought there was a god, I would pray for you.
Quasi maybe you are just getting older? Do you really want to have Alzheimer’s?
I have read a lot of your posts and you seem to have quite a ways to go before you start trying to access the SDMB on your microwave. At any rate pitting your self is not the answer. Depression will prevent you from having another romance before Alzheimer’s will. Depression will end all that is you before Alzheimer’s will.
Of course I don’t want to have Alzheimer’s! But I have all the symptoms of: EARLY ONSET ALZHEIMER’S and that is why all the testing.
Check out my blog and take a look at all the shit I am doing wrong at my work now.
My WORK! My “Comfort Zone”! Taking care of my (IANAD) patients! My thing that I most enjoy doing!!!
I’m sorry, ajb. I know you mean well, but out of everything I know, I’m supposed to know my job and I am fucking making mistakes and I am ONLY 59! That’s way before “getting older”.
My body’s in great shape. I cycle, I walk/jog. My brain is losing it. My body’s not.
You have a right to self-pity and whiny-ness right now, so I can’t imagine anyone’s gonna pit you. But I’ll try: “Damn it Quasi, stop making such a valiant effort to keep yourself strong in the face of such adversity. You’ll make me look bad by comparison if I’m ever coping with the same shit.”
In surfing the Dope, I just now read that a little one lost three fingers in an escalator, and I feel ashamed of myself.
I haven’t even been on WoW for a week and half, and Azeroth is my favorite place to get away from it all.
Wish I could just put all this meserableness in a box and drop it in the ocean, but every time I go to work now, I worry about what I might do wrong next, and is it gonna cost a life.
Are you able to afford a career change? You seem unhappy, and lets just say it is early Alzheirmer’s right here right now. You can’t go back, so what are your plans for moving forward?
With all of the shit you must be going through now, I don’t think anyone’s going to deny you a long long whinge and a good cathartic cry. Let it out man. Rail if you have to. Break some shit up (after you’re off the machine, of course )
ajb: My whole LIFE since I began training for my job, has been the joy of taking care of my patients (IANAFD) and making them feel better, okay?
Do you REALLY want me to take that away from myself???
I hope EVERY DAY, that there will be someone SOMEWHERE who will find a medicine to improve my memory, and till then I am willing to hang on as long as I can. and I HOPE I can know when to quit.
Any other “constructive” answers???
And “unhappy”?
Oh come on now. Whoever told you to say that to me???
I apologized to you for my sarcacsm and I think we’d better just leave it at that, okay?
Bah. As a very good friend told me once, “just because other people are suffering - and have other major things going wrong in their lives - doesn’t mean that you aren’t hurting. It doesn’t invalidate your hurt, so go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for a while.”
I don’t know if this will help you or not. I really don’t. But I have to tell you - thank you so very much for putting it all on a blog. I’ve sent it to my mom, because her best friend is currently married to someone with Alzheimer’s. I thought that maybe…just maybe…your blog could help her out in some way.
And I’ve subscribed, too.
(And, by the way…read your post from Monday and I gotta say, I hate sliding glass doors. Fuckers get me every damn time, and I wind up trying to open up the wrong damn side.)
I know there’s not much I can say to help, but I do hope you get some answers and figure out a way to deal with what you’re going through, whatever the final label ends up being.
Remember, though, that stress and depression can cause an awful lot of spacey moments like the sliding glass door incident. I realize it’s not even remotely possible for you to just stop worrying about it all - I wouldn’t be able to either - but cut yourself a little slack. If your friends and coworkers are being supportive and understanding, shouldn’t you give some of that same attitude to yourself?
First of all, wait and see if the diagnosis is confirmed.
I have a Dr. here at my hospital that has Parkinson’s. Bad Parkinson’s. I adore him, and so does the staff. He still drags his shaky ass around and sees his patients, who all also adore him. Did anyone think he could do it? No, but he’s doing it.
Give yourself your moment to feel bad, cry it out, and then think about how you redifine your life to work out a compromise that still gives you some satisfaction. You might have to go into the darkness, but go kicking and screaming all the way.
Whining is when you complain about something without being willing to make any effort to change the situation, when there are very easy ways to change the situation.
You are doing everything you can to find a solution. If you have early onset Alzheimer’s, there’s not much you can do. The options you have open to you are worse and worser.
You may be griping, grousing, grumbling, moaning, plaintively crying, sobbing, wailing, or whimpering, but you are not whining.
(((Quasimodem))), I hope you get the answers you need soon, and I really hope it’s something else. Peferably something that was overlooked yet easily treatable.
And you shouldn’t pit yourself. Pit me instead. I screwed up bigtime today. sigh. I was running late for work because I was called in to do something (we are only paid for the hours we work, and yesterday it was left hanging if I’d have work today - no one picked up the phone when I called either time, or returned my message) because I idiotically told my boss I could be in in 30 minutes. Which is how long getting to work does take, but I wasn’t dressed yet because I thought I’d be in later. So I rushed off, and drove about 5mph faster than I have in days. And hit a frost heave that developed overnight; at least I didn’t see this one earlier this month. And now my car makes horrible tortured noises. So, in a rush to get in a few hours work, I damaged my car in an as-of-yet unknown way, and will have to pay for a repair. And I didn’t even make it into work!!
So, point and laugh at me instead of you. At least I’m the author of my own unhappiness here.
Quite the contrary, I appreciate your thinking that much of me to move the thread.
And I appreciate everyone’s responses as well.
As I told another poster, this is where I come when I need help - whatever kind of help it may be.
This is “home”.
It’s tough to describe my mood right now.
Best I can do is say, I’m trying to hang tough.
I do want to add that I am on two anti-depressive meds, but it’s hard to keep a stif upper lip when life is hitting you upside the head with a sledge-hammer.:smack:
Looking forward to going back to work.
Thanks again, kids, and Elfkin, I hope it’s nothing serious with the car, and why should I pit you for that?
Bill
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