Self-publishing ventures that are destined to fail

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

While moseying around a “food that should not exist” thread on another site, I came across a link to a truly groundbreaking cookbook:

And for only $25, you too can own a copy of this lovely 61-page volume, complete with full-color photographs of the tempting dishes presented. Preview it here.

I wonder how many copies Mr Photenhauer has sold…

I’m almost certain that this book is a joke. But it’s still a book that someone went to the trouble to write and illustrate, and that you can purchase an actual copy of…

2

First come, first served.

3

What, no recipe for jerk chicken?

4

The oyster recipe is a hoot.

“Oysters are so beautiful, it’s a shame to throw away the shells after just one meal.”

I’m picturing a lonely guy sitting on his couch, totally bored. The he looks over at his kitchen trash and sees some oyster shells in there. Cue the Barry White music.

5

Now I’m wondering about that creamed spinach I ordered the other night…

6

Sales may be flaccid, but it’s unlikely to face stiff competition. I wonder where he got the seed money from. Maybe it was socked away somewhere, ready to grease the right palms. I doubt this stroke of genius will catch anyone’s eye, but don’t think he’s necessarily down for the count: His turgid prose just has to find the right niche and it could plant a whole new subsidiary for he and the mother company to nurture.

7

So that’s what’s in the white sauce.

8

Thanks, – that’ll go great on the shelf next to my copy of* How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?*

9

That cookbook looks fap-fap-fap-fabulous.

10

Hmmm. I’m thinking I ought to start a semen farm. I’m sure that semen from say, badgers, would have completely different uses from bull semen, for example. Wild and domestic semen, fatty and lean semen, sweet and sour semen, I can just see the semen palette, er. dripping before me.

In theory, my semen producers could turn out to be the most enthusiastic and cooperative farm animals in the history of the world.

11

Maybe the Dope could contribute a recipe.

12

Classic thread.ETA:mehendo beat me to it.

Also, this has been done before.

13

I like the disclaimer on page 3.

14

Wanted: Attractive young females to assist in the production and documentation of independent cookbook promoting the use of all-natural, organic ingredients.

15

I literally laughed out loud at the part that reads, “…all recipes have been tasted by the author…”
Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “slaving away in the kitcken,” doesn’t it?
“Don’t shit where you eat,” but you can sure as hell jack off!
Those are some dishes that your guests won’t be adding more salt to at the table!