I’m one of the ‘polls cannot capture me’ folks. Whatever’s going on at the surface level of my life - and it has its ups and downs - there’s this continual wellspring of deep joy bubbling up from underneath.
It hasn’t always been this way, so I know just how lucky I am.
I chose “damaged but still functional” but what I really mean is "doing pretty well except for (a) setbacks and (b) a certain amount of damage which is irreparable, but which I am learning to live with through therapy and trial-and-error life experience.
Mostly, I wish I could communicate the damage to the Normals. Not that I’m desperate to tell my story, such as it is, but it’s a bit like Not-Fucked-Up Privilege: yeah, we all have issues, but those of you whose issues are in the realm of “life is occasionally just really difficult for all human beings, and relationships with friends, family, and loved ones can be really hard at times” have no clue what extra barriers the rest of us have.
Of the previous comments, Annie-Xmas’s post was the one that rang truest for me.
Yep, I voted “Polls cannot capture me” as I don’t think I’m damaged.
It’s funny that everyone with severe damage carries it back to childhood. Our parents must have been just clueless. My childhood was chaotic mainly because there were so many of us. Getting attention was hard. Daddy never meant to be harsh, but he was. He wasn’t mean or vindictive just curt and over worked. We all loved him madly. So it made for a basically happy house. My Mother died young, I often wonder how it would’ve been had she lived. My weirdness comes from within. I think it may stem from being diabetic since childhood. I never felt safe or ok. Fear does strange things to your mental health.
My BFF the therapist points out that many adult issues stem from attachment disorders that can and do occur when the primary parental figures becomes absent or distant during the first three years or so of a baby’s life. Take away that surety that parents will always be there and you’re asking for an adult who never will have certainty in their life. Mine happened when my grandfather died while my mother was pregnant with my sister and she went to stay with her mom for some weeks, leaving me to be cared for by…nobody really remembers. She was so racked up she seriously does not recall who was in charge of taking care of me for that time–likely I was just passed from relative to relative and supplemented by casual babysitters while she was gone. Then she had my sister, and all the attention went to the baby while my parents, my aunt, uncle and cousin, my grandmother, and me and my sister were all jammed into one house waiting for escrow to close on the new houses my parents and aunt/uncle bought next to each other. Apparently during that time is when I learned you can’t rely on anyone. Neither of my sisters have the same emotional trauma I do and we figure that’s why.
I’m more damaged than not, but I’m still functional. This may be an overly pessimistic assessment though - I’m petty bad at self-assessment.
Honestly the concept of self-esteem confuses me - what basis for comparison could you possibly have? And my own assessment of myself confuses me - I have absolutely no sense of self-worth, despite recognizing that there are things I’m legitimately good at. Also I find that I don’t care that I have no self worth - as far as I can tell it doesn’t depress me overmuch, because I don’t bother to think about it.
At least I don’t think I’m horribly depressed - I’m not actually sure though, because again I have no basis for comparison. I am pretty sure I’m horribly lonely, but I honestly don’t think about that much either. I much prefer to just pay attention to things I enjoy, like my many hobbies and pasttimes. Avoidance? Meh, whatever. I have a lego set to build.
ETA: I’ve never been to any kind of therapy, mostly because it takes time and money. And also I don’t believe I can be helped. To the degree I need help, I mean: I am quite functional, after all.
I interpreted “polls cannot capture me” as kind of snarky, as a choice, but since there is no “minimal damage” category I get someone choosing it.
I chose little damage since I can just see some shrink saying “so you think you’re not damage, hah? Interesting.”
You know it is perfectly possible for someone to say he isn’t damaged without condemning someone else. It’s not like being damaged or not is a freely made choice.
I chose neither mental health or lack of musical ability. They chose me.
I, further believe damage is relative. What bothers me may, in fact not bother you or 37 other people. That doesn’t discount my feelings it just make them different.
Then there are the triggers that people have, that’s real damage, I think.
My best quality, that which keeps me sane is I have hope. I am a Pollyanna about many things.
I respectfully submit that it is demonstrably impossible, on this message board, for a thread to go peacefully along without some goddamned chowderhead leaping in full bore to declare how little the issue in the OP affects them. It’s irritating at the very least and in the case of a somewhat fraught question asking participants to assess and disclose their own levels of emotional damage it’s not always going to be taken with the usual eyeroll and “Oh, there go the fucking durps again, hurring yet more durr.”
The OP asked for personal rankings of emotional damage along a continuum that actually DOES include a choice that basically says “No damage, thanks,” but simply checking the right box and moving right along is apparently impossible. I find it as maddeningly irritating as mosquitos dive bombing my ear, especially since it’s completely within the abilities of any human capable of internet use to simply NOT REPLY TO A QUESTION THAT DOESN’T APPLY TO THEM.
I’m not damaged, and I’m not condemning anyone by saying so. The question “How emotionally damaged are you?” isn’t meaningful if you don’t include a category of “not.” Omitting that end of the spectrum means you only get results in the “damaged” range, perhaps leading to a conclusion that everyone is damaged. Several people have said this isn’t the case for them, not in order to score points, but to note that your poll isn’t effective. If this isn’t what you’re interested in, perhaps a mod would change your title to “People who are emotionally damaged–how much?”
I’d also question the idea that people who see themselves as damaged are allowed to comment, and people who don’t are not, even though this option is purportedly indicated by “little damage” with the argument that it is represented here. Either it isn’t and people may feel justified in pointing this out, or it is, in which case I’m not sure why people at that end of the spectrum should vote and move along./ Which is it–it applies to them? Or it doesn’t?
I respectfully submit that this thread is not only a poll, and that the question “How damaged are you” can include answers of “not at all” in addition to anything folks may have marked in the poll.
I’m sorry that particular response bothered you so much, but by now there have been several others who have responded that they consider themselves not damaged, and I think we all have to respect that, by their own judgment, there apparently are such people and that they have a right to respond here.
To Voyager: I apologize for any perceived or actual snark in the last poll choice. It wasn’t intended that way, as far as I can tell by examining my intentions.
Pretty much this. I turned 50 and changed career not long back and I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my belly, the love of a good woman, a son who’s far better than I was at his age, Mercury Rev on the stereo, and a couple of good solid tugs on the line about jobs. Best shape of my life.
It is said that about ten percent of people have alexithymia and cannot recognize their own emotions. One in ten is an impressive number, everyone probably knows somebody who doesn’t appear to have a normal range of feelings, or doesn’t recognize when they do. This can occur naturally or as a result of trauma, so for some of this 10% it’s a normal state and not a damaged one.
So what would depression feel like for people who typically don’t feel much…one person used the term “miserable existence”, a constant state of unease that had as many physical qualities as emotional ones, easily irritated, frequently agitated, finding little relief in the usual pastimes and comfort zones, for a prolonged period of time. FWIW.
I voted “Some damage, but pretty functional” because it seems to be the safest answer. I know my emotional IQ isn’t high. I can pinpoint significant shortcomings in my personality and interpersonal style. I can be quite neurotic. I don’t think I’d be the kind of person who could handle a major crisis (long-term unemployment or a life-altering physical injury) without sinking into some degree of major depression. Therapy has taught me what to do with my thoughts turn dark, but I have come to accept that dark thoughts are always lurking below the surface of my psyche. And I know it feels to have unhinged crazy thoughts.
Oh, I can definitely feel emotions, though I concede that I do spend an atypical amount of time with my most active emotion being something approximating ‘contentment’. I get mad and sad and such, but it’s not fun so I don’t generally pursue activities and thoughts that lead to such feelings. Which I can generally do pretty effectively - I have a lot of hobbies and other things that hold my attention.
Which probably means I’m not depressed. I mean, there are things about my life which make me unhappy if I think about them, so I try not to think much about them with pretty good success, and oh shit I guess I’ve just been trivializing actual depressed people by implying that they should just ignore their problems like I apparently do and I’m clearly an awful person for doing this oh crap that’s not good. (Hey, legos!)
So yeah, whatever. I do have emotions though. Well, negative ones; regarding positive ones ‘content’ seems to be about as positive as I get, never ‘happy’. Unless the feeling I label as ‘contentment’ is ‘happy’ and I just don’t realize it because (again) I have no basis for comparison.
The fact that there’s only one of me in my head and I’ve never experienced the inside of anybody else’s head makes a lot of this really hard to nail down.
Very emotional, well done. 
It is hard to reconcile your contentment and your belief that you can’t be helped, so I hope you get to delve into that someday. I don’t share that belief at all.
Which, depending upon one’s POV and how one interprets “emotionally damaged”, may or may not be true. But we do not have any objective metric to report about that so you are really asking posters to answer how they think of themselves.
There may be (and apparently are) more than you’d think who do not think of themselves as damaged at all. Maybe they are deluded, maybe not, but that is their self perception.
They can be captured in a poll. Just not one that excluded that as an option.
FWIW I personally was able to find a poll response that fit me fine enough.
No problem. It is an interesting question. I think it applies to everyone. I think I agree with Shodan ! that everyone is just a bit damaged, at least, but None seemed a reasonable alternative.
If someone does answer “I’m perfect and the rest of you are nuts” it’s not your problem. Maybe we can just not respond to such a person.
too fucked up to ever be fixed. Took a “well-being” test a few years ago and scored 29/100. A bit better now, but not enough.