As only a casual observer, I would say a lot of your traits are from being an introvert. I am a classic one myself (hardly no one is 100% either way).
Famous introverts:
Bill Gates
Rosa Parks
Warren Buffett
Michael Jordon
Kim Kardashian
Courtney Cox
Albert Einstein
If this is all new to you, I would suggest reading “Quiet,” by Susan Cain, or a less in-depth book, “The Introvert’s Way,” by Sophia Dembling. If indeed you are among us introverts you will find yourself nodding in agreement with every page you read.
FWIW: I didn’t realize I was an introvert until a few years ago, and I’m in my late 60s.
As for being emotionally-damaged myself: I’ve been divorced twice; both exes have since died; my 2nd wife had an abortion – which we both regretted later (no kids otherwise); I’ve survived cancer; both parents have been dead for years; and I will not be involved in any more relationships with women for the rest of my life – which isn’t my first choice but it’s the cards I’ve been dealt.
I suppose I’m somewhat “damaged,” but probably everyone with baggage is to some degree.
I used to think I was more damaged than the average person but as the years went on I decided I was damaged in certain areas but not as badly as most. I have never allowed myself to get very close in relationships because I simply don’t know how and I am convinced that if a woman really get to know me she won’t like me. Most other areas of my life I seem pretty well adjusted.
Damaged but still functional, at about equal levels.
Outwardly, I’m still doing fine. I perform as well as ever at my job, take care of my daughters, play the piano daily and am looking for new hobbies, preferably in group so that I can meet a bunch of new people.
Inside, I’m going through a rough patch. This year has been the proverbial rollercoaster in pretty much every respect, with unusually high highs but also some very scary lows. It’s really wearing me out, especially since, like on a real rollercoaster, the final destination is downwards. I realize that I may have overinvested myself in an unhealthy relationship. I didn’t get a position that until a couple of months seemed pretty much certain. I’ve lost interest in listening to music and the piano pieces that I’ve worked on for months don’t seem to be getting anywhere. And I can’t sleep, but that’s nothing new.
I was almost autistic as a youngster and into my 20’s. Not due to any particular abuse; I think it was genetic. In my early 30’s I switched from inferiority complex to superiority complex — maybe they were two sides of the same coin all along.
As I’ve said before, I have a peculiar talent and enjoyment for some software coding and circuit design tasks. Without those I’d have ended up institutionalized, one way or another.
Oh I have some damage. I recently had surgery that technically failed but had positives. So it’s . . . different. I’m going to therapy to just figure out where my thoughts and emotions are now.
I have a life that’s not normal, and that’s more fun.
I only have one real emotional issue – eating – but it negatively affects a few aspects of my life, so I chose “some damage” instead of “little damage.” I could almost definitely use some therapy*. I’m pretty functional, though, and while I’d love to blame everything on my parents I actually have no idea what the root of the problem is.**
*Not long ago I saw a therapist for about a year, but he was a behaviorist instead of an analyst and we never got into the “why” of anything. At the time I thought that would be enough, but it wasn’t so I stopped our sessions. Someday I will look into analysis.
You know, re-reading this thread, I feel a bit stupid complaining about my “damage”. After all, I’m in reasonably good health, have a family and a steady job, have lived in one of the world’s richest countries all of my life and haven’t been subject to serious abuse or violence unlike… well, a lot of people. I really don’t have the right to complain.
Yet, I can’t say that I’m doing well. As said above the past months have been tough emotionally (actually not just this year, I’d say it really started around March 2017). I’ve had a few unusually high highs, but I’m starting to see them as the product of self-delusion or possibly manipulation. And the ones that were real just didn’t lead anywhere.
More worryingly, it seems that it’s getting worse. The day before yesterday, I experienced something which has left me feeling like I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager. Utterly humiliated. I sort of expected that what I had hoped for wouldn’t pan out, but I didn’t expect the failure to come so quickly and to be so brutal and complete. Just a few days ago, I had given myself a year to come to a conclusion about a particular situation. Well, it took just 15 hours for the truth to be crystal clear. And today I got the coup de grâce. Enough already.
Fortunately, I’m much better at dealing with disappointment and failure than I was 30 years ago. I may already be in the process of healing actually. But unfortunately, getting older has also made it more difficult to psych myself into thinking that the best is yet to come (or even the slightly less bad). I’m numbing myself for the moment. But sometimes I feel like screaming or curling up in a corner.
