Sorry, Smick, I work better alone.
Unless, of course, you have any hunky guys that want to be an assistant to a petite, strawberry-blonde, deadly, double agent - then I’d consider not working alone. It’s not a requirement, but I prefer guys who wear glasses. I don’t know why - they’re just sexier - I mean they make better assistants.
Princess of the Time and Space Continuum since 1969 (upgraded to Goddess 01/07/00)
Senior S.S.D.A., SDMB Self-Righteous Clique =^…^=
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
Well, I’m a super secret double agent - I thought that would count.
I spend most of my life confused - so it’s probably me.
Can I still have my assistant?
waiting semi-patiently for Vestal to get his cute lil secret agent butt over here and pick me as his assistant…
sigh Then again, this is sort of fitting for Miss Falconpenny, isn’t it?
“You are sweet, kind, and considerate… Like a grown up boy scout with tits!”
I am glad that you accepted our offer falcon!
I hope your position with us is all that you desire.
And oh yeah, minx?
I am hunky!
Uh, i guess I already have a job here though…hmmmmm
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
I request to be the assistant to Minxmom. I’m maybe a tad too short to be hunky, but I do wear glasses. Not to worry, though; I’m no gnarly, pokemon-looking mofo. Petite, deadly and strawberry blonde are all characteristics around which I thrive.
Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.
– a Celtic motto
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
wait a minute, if a clique excepts any and everyone, are they still a clique ?
I thought the coolest part of being in a clique was you could taunt those who weren’t.
Not to turn my back on my “anti-clique” clique pals, but shall I be “Chief Flame Reciever” or perhaps the feared “non-creative flamer” ! AhA! My credentials :
you, like, you know, such and stuff
“A single lifetime, even though entirely devoted to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject.” - Seneca
WTF? I didn’t post this again? WTFIGO? Am I on crack? Huh? Wha? Whafu?
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
Dude, gabe, the fun of a clique being that you can taunt those not in it is not diminished by letting everyone in. Dig:
For being such a smart motherfucker, you can be really dumb. 
I don’t want to make any generalizations, but you seem to be kind of ign’ant, like maybe you’re still in middle school? Don’t take offense, I aint tryin’ ta be mean.
You just say stuff sometimes that makes me shake my head. All I can say is
<font size=+3>CUIDADO! PISO MOJADO!</font>
Noonch.
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
I’d like to formaly submit my application for the position of So Overly Psychotic Assassin That He Takes Down Half Of His Own Squad With Him. This seems to fit my personality the best.
As for my resume, I refer you to The Guy Stuff Thread, where I repeatedly showed the power of my own explosive intestinal gasses.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Distinguished Leader, SRCO, Inc., and Assorted Minions
FROM: StoryTyler, Big-Hootered Assistant to Criminally Insane Doctor
RE: Assorted Important Crap
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I can’t tell you how touched I am by all the love in this room.
Again, the love and appreciation here is simply overwhelming.
Excuse me, but I believe in my initial employment inquiry I clearly indicated that one of my primary qualifications for the position was my bodacious ta-tas. Indeed, I was under the impression that big, beautiful, bouncy breasts were required for the job. Are these :::rips open tightly-fitted white lab coat to reveal completely nekkid fleshy globes of delight:::: not what you had in mind?
Ok, I guess I’m hired (even if you think I’m someone else (I am gonna get paid though, right? BluePony, are you getting this?), so we need to get down to business.
Doc, far be it from me to question your insane brilliance, but before we get too busy you need to remember that we’re currently housed in the headquarters sub-basement in a tiny, dirty room I wouldn’t de-nut a Nazi in (well, ok, maybe a Nazi). We need a real lab with glass beakers and bunsen burners and smelly chemicals and stuff, and a big ol’ operating room, to perform our secret agent repair work in. There’s no freakin’ room in here! I mean, how the heck are we going to get those giant electrode thingies in here to re-animate the dead?! They’ll NEVER fit.
I’m sorry, Mr. Big Kahuna Dude, and a thousand Snoochies for your pardon, but this just ain’t gonna do. Can you get to work finding us a lab and operating room before the Mad Doctor’s cutting fingers get stiff? (Once that happens, we’re forced to use the chainsaw, and that’s just so messy.)
Ok, we’re gonna have to install a set of metal underpants on you, posthaste.
Like I said, we’re gonna need a real operating room and lab, and if Sealemon has his way, we’ll need a big recovery clinic, too. How many lackies you think are gonna go down around you Sealemon? Just a rough number will do. And is this going to be a regular thing? Cause if so, we’re gonna need TWO sets of those electrode thingies to re-animate all these toasted lackies…
Seale, sounds like these items might be related, and with all the travelling you’re going to be doing to glamorous foreign countries, you’re probably gonna have to eat their smelly goat curds and stinky soft cheeses with mold on them fairly regularly - which means anybody smoking around you could ignite a freakin’ firestorm. Now, I’ve been working on a little gadget at home with my Jr. Mad Scientist Lab Kit, that could help you out quite a bit, I think. It’s a nuclear-powered lacto-anti-flatulation device. I’m sure the doc can install it for you easily, once we get our lab, operating theater, and clinic up and running.
Kat, please hold off a bit before you do that… we’re waiting for a fucking hospital, here!
Hello? :::rips open tightly-fitted white lab coat yet again to reveal completely nekkid fleshy globes of delight:::: What are these? Chopped liver? <font size=1>Sheesh.</font size=1>
StoryTyler
Distinguished Big-Hootered Assistant to Criminally Insane Doctor,
Self-Righteous Clique
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”
You know, with all these applications and W2 forms and memos flying around, I’m really going to need a bigger office with more cabinets. Also, while everybody else is jet-setting around the world, sipping margaritas by the pool and disposing of enemy agents, I’m stuck in this dinky office, typing up memos and taking phone calls for the boss. For this reason, I believe that I may need an assistant who can alternate shifts with me, so that I may leave this office occasionally and engage in nefarious schemes with my fellow co-workers. Qualifications for this job include:
White male, 6’0", 200 lbs, sleekly muscled, long blonde hair, sky blue eyes, devilishly handsome. Typing skills optional.
Shadowfox
“Distinguished” Sexy assistant to Head Honcho,
Self-Righteous Clique
MEMORANDUM FOR: All Self-Righteous Clique Personnel (Full and Part-Time)
FROM: BP (Director of Evil Finances, SRC)
SUBJECT: Gimme, gimme, gimme…
Your Official SRC Evil 401(k) Plan is up and running!! For those conscientously evil personnel (and I think that speaks for most of us :)), you will be glad to know that your investments are going to truly evil activities so you can rest easy at night knowing your money is truly promoting world chaos. Some of our very successful portfolios serving the Dark Side are Wal-Mart, AOL, Disney, and the New York Yankees. More on your money in the near future. Once again, I truly care about each and every one of you and your financial well-being. This is why I spend so much time in Switzerland and the Bahamas. Hey, I’m here for you, remember that! 
StoryTyler, I have released a considerable amount of the Big Guys assets to your control. Also you gotta fill out a bunch of OSHA and EPA reports since Dr. Jackson’s freakish mutational experiments are bound to make an environmental and safety impact. Good luck.
The Alluring, Female Secret Agent Division is beginning to run up the expenses of a Third World country’s defense spending. This, by itself, is not a bad thing, the Fat Guy has said we have considerable assets. However, the cost of keeping Cristi, Minxsmom, Shadowfox, et al in Gucci gun bags, teal-blue laser equipped HUMMERs, and constant trips to salon and spa has caused me to temporarily delay arming our Evil Goon Security Guys with the latest Israeli assault rifles and forcing them to go a little longer with their current, rapidly obsolete weaponry— pointed sticks, armor made of household cookware, and assorted blunt objects. I’m sure they’re real troopers and don’t mind the sacrifices necessary to keep our Alluring Female Agents in the field and always appropriately attired.
Vestal Blue: Your expenses will come out your Standard Evil Clothing and Equipment Allowance. (Does anybody read the Company Policy Booklets, or are we using them for grocery lists?) Anything extra comes out of your pay, unless sanctioned by a Force Of Darkness above my pay grade.
Mullinator: Your request for a small Third World country for your nefarious schemes is not feasible at this time. That is to say we at Evil Finances are not without alternatives. Please feel free to use several thousand acres of newly-acquired real estate in Whitewater, Arkansas as a substitute til we can negotiate for takeover of Sri Lanka. Arkansas makes for a good Third World substitute.
:::Watching another batch of Cristi's expense receipts coming in by Federal Express 747::: (sigh) Evil World Domination is a challenge, but keeping the books is a real *bitch*. I am leaving for a fact-finding tour of Monte Carlo tomorrow and am moving Evil Finance Headquarters to a fast-moving nuclear submarine somewhere off the coast of Maui.
Remember, I'm here for you :D
Regards,
*Cheval Bleu*
Evil Director of Finances, SRC
“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”
Warren ZevonSheesh why take me so seriously ?
I wrote tongue-in-cheek.
You know “jokingly”, goo goo gaa gaa ?
Guess I have learned my lesson.
Ahhhhh, I love this job.
Sorry about that last expense report, Bluepony. Things are expensive in Sweden. But I’ve got the Prince in my pocket. We’ll be owning that little goldmine soon.
Whoops, there’s my helicopter. See ya!
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I’ll do anything he says, anytime he says to.
or did I just begin my duties as "Official Flame Target " ?
Smick you sneaky devil you . . . .
Terrific BP, thanks! But jeeezzzz, I hate all those forms. HHhmmmmmm, I think we found a slot for Jab1. Hey Jab? You interested in taking on the position of Distinguished Coke-Bottle-Bottom-Glasses-Wearing Paperwork Weasel? Pay’s great, bennies to die for…
As for OSHA and the EPA, you know, the nuclear waste is so minimal it’s really nothing to be concerned about. I think, for awhile anyway, we can continue to put it all down the grinder and forget about it. I’ll be sure to let you know if we need any containment/storage devices in the future, though.
StoryTyler
Distinguished Big-Hootered Assistant to Criminally Insane Doctor,
Self-Righteous Clique
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”
WHAT? No Microsoft? No TNT?
StoryTyler
Distinguished Big-Hootered Assistant to Criminally Insane Doctor,
Self-Righteous Clique
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”
Where do we turn in our expense reports for reimbursement? ::waves receipts listing items such as “Yellow slicker $17.50”, “Raving Maniacs Quarterly subscription $32.97” and “Big freaking axe $179.95”::
I don’t suppose it’s possible for me to get a company credit card so I don’t have to go through this hassle every time I purchase such vitally important equipment.
btw, do we have a legal department? No, no special reason for asking. Um, if anyone asks, I was here all night last night.